So for the longest time, I have stayed away from meat and cheese, but now that I have "labelled" myself a raw vegan at home, my husband is becoming not only concerned, but "ashamed".

Last night, as I was eating some zucchini pasta, he came into the living room, sat on the couch opposite me and said "It is a shame that you aren't normal anymore, because I would really like to take you out to a restaurant".

Needless to say, I put down my plate and got very pissed off.
I explained to him that I have no problems eating a cooked vegan meal every once in a while, and that every restaurant I have been to hasn't had a problem accomodating my needs, but he told me that it is embarrasing for him.

I told him that the waiter wouldn't care and anyone who notices what I am eating and finds it "funny" has their own issues and he shouldn't mind what people in the restaurant think, but he assures me that it is only HIM that gets uncomfortable. He told me that he doesn't want to spend good money on "vegetables" and that he thinks I am hurting my body being a vegan and that this "phase" I am going through is childish, ignorant and dangerous.

I first reminded him that when I ate the way he did, pizzas, cookies chips french fries, mcdonalds, I was 215 pounds and on my death bed. I was addicted to sugars, fats, comfort foods, I had been diagnosed with chronic depression, I even because suicidal, all of this he knows! I then told him that if he has a problem spending his money on vegetables, I can buy my own dinner and we could just enjoy each other's company (to which he still said no, because he would be too ashamed to eat with me in public). I asked him if what he wanted was to take me out to watch me eat, or to take me out and have a good conversation. He didn't give me a direct answer to this question.

At this point, I became very upset that he doesn't support me. I explained to him that I am an adult woman who makes her own decisions when it concerns my body, and that he was being childish by trying to bully me into eating the way he does, especially since I NEVER bring up the fact that he eats meat, nor do I ask him to stop. "Aren't you such a perfect person then!", he shot back at me, and continued to say that the only people who starve to death in the developed world are the "vegans" who get so twisted in their eating disorders that they can't ever help themselves out of it.

I asked him why he didn't attack his sister, a vegetarian for 8 years and who is 30 years old now. He replied that his entire family is worried about her and that they just hope she is intelligent enough to take care of herself.

I stood up, made it clear how hurt I was that he was not being supportive and instead trying to hurt me, even though he should notice that I am very happy, healthy and productive eating the way that I do, and then I laid down in bed at 8:30 pm, crying myself to sleep. I can't believe he would say such hurtful things to me and try to punish me for my lifestyle choice by refusing to take me out to dinner.

I love this man very much and of course I do not want to leave him, but I need some advice for how to handle this situation so that he will understand. He is an extremely intelligent person, which is why I can't believe he is saying the things he has. He has always been so supportive and this truley comes as a shock to me.

My only solutions to this problem are:

I will stop cooking meat and buying it for him because it makes me "uncomfortable and ashamed".
I will suggest that he go to restaurants with his unemployed, uneducated and "junky" style friends who obviously make him more comfortable than his own wife, while I continue to go out with my supportive, open-minded and caring friends who can see how I am thriving on this food.
I will ignore him until he apoligises.

I realise none of my solutions do anything to solve the problem, but I am so surprised, upset and hurt right now that I don't know what else to do. I woke up this morning and he was sleeping beside me and I felt so repulsed that he could treat me with such little respect, as though I am a child who doesn't know how to feed herself.

Any constructive advice is appreciated(i.e- not just "dump him and find a vegan".

Thanks,
much love,
xxpeisi

well... this is serious relationship problem.. I really hope that you will solve it in positive way...

unfortunately, the solutions you brought up will not solve the problem, but will make it even more deeper. by this type of behavior your husband will get information that his feelings do not count, his opinion do not count and he himself do not count at all... (well, this is how you feel now most probably..)..

why not to try speak with him openly, very peaceful... you could even appologize for your new eating style, and make him feel, that you understand his feelings (it might be really fast and unexpected change for him...)..
point out to the benefits of your new diet, but very tenderly (for example, that you look much more better and sexy, that you feel more peaceful and happy etc etc..)..
and tell him, that your new way of eating is making you happy, that you need (really need) his well-wishes and support..
and if he is ashamed to go out for dinner with you, may be you can go for a picnic or smth., because you miss him and your conversations with him...

i can understand your feelings, that you are hurt... i also can understand feelings of your man (he might feel that he is loosing you, that your change is so drastical, he is worring etc..)..
but ignoring the issue will not help.. and if you hurt him, that will not help either..

just be tender with him, say him that you are sorry, and ask him to help you to be more happy...


does it make sence in the situation?

hey girl wow..i am sooo sorry all my sympathy goes out to you my friend.....i am not sure how you should go about this but i think that maybe if you talk to him peacefully like ananga suggests.....he might be feeling like he is losing you and he is worried about this..reassure him that you still love him just as much as ever if not more because you are happier in your life now you can be happier in your relationship...suggest other outings to get you two together and talking...and most of don't get angry whcih i know how impossible that may seem because the things he said to you and the way you put you down andmade you feel is inexcusable and inappropriate...but i think he might not mean it as much as he says it is just the only way to go about this situation because he is at a loss..
but hun i am no expert so i have no idea...but good luck with whatever you choose..i am here for you you know that...
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Sometimes the people we love find it hard to accept the changes we make because it may be a subtle reminder that we're growing & they aren't. I know that my wife & I are married 18yrs & although we still eat cooked foods including the occasional meat dish we know that the raw / vegan lifestyle is a change for the better. If only it were as easy to live it as it is to think it!! We participated in a 'Daniel fast' with our church this Jan-07 & the results were fantastic. We had more energy than ever, clothes fit better & just positive results all around. I know I very rarely eat meat anymore, maybe 1or 2 times monthly.

While it may be helpful to re-assure your husband that you love him & your change is for the good, it still gives him no excuse to ask or demand that you eat something you don't want or like anymore. Speaking as one, men sometimes..make that oftentimes say things without thinking how it will make their wife feel until it is too late. I pray that you will both work out an amicable solution to this dilemma.

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not self-seeking, love ALWAYS protects,always endures. (1corinthians 13)

God IS love!! (1john4)
Jesus Christ...... The ONLY way to Heaven.
I am the Way, the Truth & the Life..(John 14:6)

This doesn't sound like he has an issue with your diet, it sounds like this is a man who just wants to put you down, someone so childish and immature that anything the least bit out of his notion of normal is threatening to him.

He does not sound like a 'very intelligent man' but an ignoramus who is intent on bullying you. I suspect that if he didn't have your diet to criticize he'd find something else. He may also feel threatened at losing his 215 lb wife and finding a vibrant healthy woman he feels unworthy of.

There are two issues in the conversation you had: 1) the concepts about food and diet; and 2) his attacking you. If I were in a conversation like that, I would be discussing his attack, not the food.

To his comments about the diet being harmful, a simple 'You know you may be right. I've never felt happier or healthier, but I think I'll make an appointment for a complete checkup just to be sure. Thanks, honey.'

The solutions you put forth will only serve to escalate his hurtful remarks into a war. I would have a serious conversation with him about his attitude and start looking for a marriage counselor.

-It is difficult for you (I can only imagine) but......

-It's not about YOU. Learn what HIS issues are...and show love, support and compassion. Try to be an example of how he can deal with HIS issues.

-You are doing the right things. You can't expect those that are doing the wrong thing to understand or accomodate you. They probably won't/can't. LOL.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Hi Peisinoe:

What I'm sensing from the conversation you had with your husband is possibly insecurity that maybe he himself is not aware of and is venting these feelings by projecting that anger towards you and your vegetables, since you are the one who initiated the changes by adopting a healthier lifestyle eating them. If that's the case, arguing with him to see things from your viewpoint will not be helpful at this time, unless you both get to the real cause of his anger. After that, asking to see things from your perspective will likely be more effective.

If in fact it's a matter of insecurity, it may be that he's concerned that with your new body, he's now seeing and appreciating a natural physical beauty that he actually cherishes, but may be afraid that other men may also notice, but is blaming the vegetables for altering how things used to be all along.

"he thinks I am hurting my body being a vegan and that this "phase" I am going through is childish, ignorant and dangerous."
Rather than argue the points, acknowledge his concern, and remind him that 'phases' that people go through are usually temporary and you'd like him to allow you to go through yours. That if in fact you notice that you're doing something dangerous, you'll be more than happy to stop for yourself as well as for him.

I then told him that if he has a problem spending his money on vegetables, I can buy my own dinner and we could just enjoy each other's company (to which he still said no, because he would be too ashamed to eat with me in public).
If ordering meat while in public seems to be such a big deal for him at this time, maybe you could offer a compromise. You agree to order a meat dish to make him feel more comfortable, as long as he is agreeable to allow you to order all the vegetables you want with the understanding that either he will eat the meat you ordered if he wants to, or you request a carry out container and take it home and he eats it later or you will be allowed give it away.

Wishing you vibrant health

Wow. what a hard situation.
i love everything pistachio says. very much. and everyone else.

funny, my husband and i had a less severe but similar fight last night about how he hates that i don't eat with him and that he can't cook for me. he loves to cook. i love to eat, but just not what he cooks.

i think this is common, but is usually an indicator of other stressors in the relationship. and we go back to food and meals because it can be the one thing we share consistently. it is a peace offering, it is communion, it is pleasure and nourishment. eating is amazing.

i plan on making an effort to make foods that are raw and can be shared. ones that my husband might actually like. (i'm more high raw than anything else, and the salads and fruit just get tedious to him). and i will continue to compromise and eat his food when he really needs me to share that with him. (though not meat, nor wheat), because right now that's where we are.

praying for you,
and for
peace-

Hi guys,

thank you all so much for the supportive kind words. I have been very upset about this all day, and I am still crying as I type. The stress is my life, and this problem, is just very 'heavy'. When the @#$%& hits the fan, it seems to all hit at once, if you know what I mean.

The thing is, I started this diet to help with my renal kidney failure. My husband doesn't really understand the pain and fatigue I suffer when I eat high (normal)levels of protein. I talked with him a lot about this today and I think he understands a bit more now...

He believes that people who choose to be vegetarians do so for 2 reasons:
1)To improve their status, and develop their holier than thou attitude upon others who eat meat.
2)To justify and further develop an eating disorder.

I explained up and down that I do not think I am better than anyone because I eat this way, and I try to keep it as private as possible, because I know the emotions that it stirs in others. However, if someone asks me about my lovely salads or things, I am not afraid to talk about how great I feel eating this way. I don't want to hoard all the happiness and health for myself- but I am certainly no jehovas witness of raw foods.

I thought I made it clear that I was open to what other people choose for themselves because I never once harassed him or complained about his meat-eating. I love him very much, and i think that what he eats works for him. But we are not the same. He is afraid that we are going to lose a lot of the old opportunities we had in our relationship. I am trying to show him that nothing will be lost. It is not impossible for us to go out to restaurants. I think after we talked more, he is more open to the idea. I do understand how being a raw vegan is scary to most. It just took him a long time (a few years) to open up with his fears of the whole thing. I have not all-of-a-sudden become raw.

I have also been extremely stressed with dental school/my period. I am one of those women who is reduced to tears during that time of the month. For some reason, he has forgotten all the months of comfort and happiness I have had, and is only paying attention to the last 3 days of my "instability". The stress of my schooling in addition to all this is making me feel a lot of insecurity and doubt. I will handle it, I know that... But I am only human. Everyone has their moments, I think.

He is also very afraid that I am becoming malnourished. Every vegan he has met has been less than educated on how to eat properly, and become emaciated and unhealthy. I have not, although I am slowly losing a bit of weight. We settled this by my recommendation that I will get blood work done to ease his worries. I believe that the blood work will come back fine, maybe a lack in B12 cos I haven't started supplementation or anything... But we'll see.

I also compiled at least 50 different scientific papers to show him that the vegan lifestyle is not dangerous or limiting in any way. This will appeal to his logical side, especially since most of the research was done in Scandinavia, and therefore not "bogus american bought research". (Neither of us have too much faith in the north american scientific community... No offense to anyone who does though! But American produce and meat differs greatly in nutritional value and handling from the european standard. For example, hormones in the meat supply are illegal and very very regulated here, etc)

To those of you suggesting he was afraid he was losing me, I think that is the problem, you guys hit it head on. Because I don't (and never have) drank alcohol, we don't have a "pub" relationship, and now he is afraid we have lost our restaurant opportunities as well. We agreed to compromise and at the moment we are discussing different options. I have made it clear that at this point in my life, I can definately not eat meat, but I would be open to flexibility on the cheese/milk if I absolutely had to. Although, I say this because I know that if we go to a restaurant, there is always ALWAYS a vegan option- so I can avoid the milk/cheese (sneaky, I know... hehe), but it puts him at ease for me to suggest this.

He also said he would feel a lot better if I stopped referring to myself as a vegan. Even if I didn't change my diet, he thinks it would make me more sincere to live life without putting a label on myself. I think this has a lot to do with the condescending vegetarians he has met in the past- and I can understand him. I don't really agree with that sort of attitude either, as I don't believe in any one perfect diet for EVERYONE.

Thank you all so much for the mature and thoughtful suggestions! Your support at this moment has been extremely valuable to me. It is hard to keep a clear head when one feels attacked, but you guys have helped bring me back down to earth and become more aware that HE has his side in this too, and I should show the same amount of respect that I expect in return.

Thanks thanks thanks.
I will update you all on what has happened and if we do take the dive, and go to a restaurant together, and how it turns out!!

much love (and sincere thanks again!!)
xxpeisi

I've had similar issues with my mother (even though I haven't lived at home for 15 years). Since high school I have been a (cooked) vegan and she always would think my diet was too extreme and unhealthy. She could only see my diet as how it affected her - she was embarrased, thought people would look at her funny. Extended family gatherings were trying. With us, and probably a lot of people, I think the reasons boil down to two things: many people assume, no matter how much you DON'T say it, that you think your diet is more ethical than theirs. This automatically puts them on the defensive. Everytime you eat they are reminded of this (again I think this happens even if animal welfare isn't apart of your dietary decisions). People also are reminded of how unhealthy they eat - and again become defensive. Once my mother came clean about how she felt she said "It felt like you were saying I couldn't take care of myself." Again, I never SAID anything - it was all assumed. At some point, I think when my mom realized I wasn't going back and I wasn't getting sick, she became an ally. Explaining to others what I could eat (which was very useful when we traveled and she was the translator), checking ingredient packages for me...

I would suggest talking about how you are trying to have a diet that is the most healthy FOR YOU and how you know he can be supportive about this because he cares about you. Also you should refrain from making comments on his diet - trust that he knows how to feed himself (even if you have a nagging suspicion that he could use some pointers!) If you are lucky enough to live near a raw restaurant, how about taking him out to dinner?

"Living with Meat eaters" by Carol Adams is also a great book that talks more about some of these issues. It was really helpful to me.

PS I was scared to tell my mom that I switched from a cooked vegan to a raw vegan diet fearing that all the old issues would resurface, but she was really interested and actually has started to try out being semi-raw! So people can change.

It sounds like he may be threatened by your drastic change. When we change our diet it is a deeply personal choice but at the same time affects our immediate family in a huge way. I think this is especially true of mothers and wives. When you made the decisions to get healthier it might not have occured to you what affect it would have on your husband. He is haveing to say goodbye to the social aspect of sharing "special" meals and occasions with you. Every social gathering I can think of revolves around food, and most of it unhealthy. Maybe if you address the fact that he is being forced into this change and he, too, is mourning a loss of things he considered special it will go a long way toward healing this wedge between you. I would let him know hurting your feelings over it will only make it worse and that it would be silly for you to eat things you don't want just to save him the trouble of working on his self esteem. Tell him you're sorry he is embarrassed and ask him if you can help him work on that. Don't let his issues become your issues. I think seperating our issues is a difficult skill in a marriage but an important one. One cannot resolve one's own issues if they are able to lay it on their spouse. These are clearly his issues and the sooner you make yourself know this the sooner you can quit defending yourself over it. When he tries to put them on you just remember you are helping HIM deal with this, not working on yourself. That might help to feel some compassion for him. I hope this helps. I know you're angry but try to let that go and work on compassion.

I hope this helps.

hmm well sounds like youve called a truce for now ... but id suggest maybe a couple of sessions with a counsellor as things like this can develop very quickly into a something that cant be fixed and what a sad thing indeed

sounds like he needs to learn how to communicate with you without hurting your feelings

hopefully its just a isolated incident and you will both carry on down the road of life

well hey ya gotta hit a few potholes along the way right?

Oh man I'm sorry you had to go through that, I had the same thing with my friends and early relationships back in the day, what I was doing scared them because some how it touched a raw nerve, maybe I made them feel insecure healthwise because deep down they sensed that they also should be more health consious.

Anyway I hope it blows over and you guys can get back to normal.

F1

The following facts told in a narrative format are true and I can provide a signed affidavit if required :p I hope this true story helps in some way.

WARNING: NON-VEGAN FACTS mentioned in this narrative. It's history, not promotion. If you don't like then don't read. Thanks.


We'll call our poor hero "Hank" to protect the identity of the (not so) innocent:


THE DISTANT PAST:
Hank grew up skinny, being able to eat what he wanted when he wanted and not gain an ounce and competed in high school weight lifting competitions, holding less than 8% body fat on his system. Hank was a really good cook too, throwing parties on regular occasions. Then hank hit 21 when all that suddenly changed and Hank gained a lot of weight unexplainedly while still exercising regularly and eating as he always had.

THE NOT SO DISTANT PAST:
Hank became a fat fart who was really good at grilling meats and eating them. He could eat a 16" supreme pizza with extra animal flesh in one sitting followed by a huge chemically enhanced beverage (coke/pepsi/DR @#$%&, etc.) and be hungry in less than 2 hours. He'd easily eat 3 or 4 double whoppers, fries, coke, pie in one meal (before BK officially put the DW on the menu so you KNOW he was really paying high prices for them).

To make matters worse, Hank's bloodwork didn't expose his dangerous eating habits. His triglycerides only showed the mid 200's and his cholestrol wavered between 180 to 250. Not good but not bad per his lifestyle. It was probably all the FRESH RAW onions and garlic he ate along with all his other foods that kept him from going into cardiac arrest.

At age 33 hank was tired of being mocked and laughed at when going to the beaches so he decided to lose weight. He weighed 260 at the time and decided to try the adkins diet. Long story short, hank added exercise, plateaued at 230 and lost most of his hair while suffering kidney stones. After a year of failure he quit the Adkins and ballooned out to 290.

Hank tried the SAD with an exercise professional, a dietitian, a nutritionist, and his family doctor and gained another 10 lbs while following the dietitian's plan.

Hank got discouraged after 6 months and quit the SAD methodologies and started starving himself and finally got back down to 295. Hank had HEARD about living foods in his 20's and had been reading on it through conventional sources, all of which scoffed, mocked and ridiculed it as ridiculously dangerous and deadly so he hadn't tried it but desperate times called for desperate measures. At 35 yrs old He dove in without proper knowledge or support or help and began trying to "go raw".

After several failed starts, Hank buckled down, got serious and stayed raw for 3 months. He was careful to go to the doctor and have his blood work drawn every 2 weeks. His triglycerides dropped below 120, his cholesterol went to 140, his good cholesterol was above 38 and his bad cholesterol was below 99. His liver, which had been swollen for years from all the dietary supplements, allergy meds and pain meds he'd been on showed signs of reversing and going down. His weight dropped from 295 to 200 and he was eating as much as he wanted all day long with regular physical activity and healthy exercise. His doctor said he was healthier than most 20 year olds after just 3 months on truly raw/living foods. Hank had gone through detox without knowing what it was but suffered through it and made it out alive and well after several weeks.

For several reasons too lengthy to explain here Hank "quit" the living food diets and started up a "healthy" SAD diet and exercise regime after his 3rd month on raw. Hank is now over 300 lbs. His cholesterol is over 300, his triglycerides are out of this world and his liver is swollen again from allergy meds and pain meds and he's struggling to get back onto the RAW LIVING food lifestyle, this time with proper support and knowledge to help him in his journey.

This story is not made up. It's a fact of life and I can even produce "Hank" and any necessary material witnesses needed :p. It's not medical knowledge or advice, just the SAD journey of one SAD individual and his SAD facts while on the SAD nutrition the world "knows" is healthy.

EDIT:
As far as the relationship I can only paraphrase Christian scripture. If he's content to dwell with you then dwell with him and be a living witness to the benefits of your life. Don't be the one to leave. He may see the light so to speak.

I hope this helps. I'll be praying for you.

[rawfoodtrip.blogspot.com]
[jugglingforjoy.com]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2007 06:06PM by Fud.

No more advice to add here, just a big ((((HUG)))).

Sarah
[goingbananasblog.com]

Good for you! I think it's good for women to not let their men define them. Even if you feel uncomfortable at times - stick to your principles. If you give in, you'll be telling him that this approach that he took will work and then he'll try to control you with it - concerning other things. You might as well let him know that you have to be who you are. My grandmother once gave me some really good and simple advice: Stick to your principles but remain friendly.

It works with husbands who want to control you and with teenagers who want to drive you crazy!

Life Is Good!

alive!

Is it too cheaky to suggest that if you have a medical checkup, you both do it?

Also, I wonder, wouldn't the fact that you are getting prettier and sexier, encourage your partner to support you???

Hugs,
Gosia


RawGosia channel
RawGosia streams

Ooo rawgosia! I love that! That we *both* get bloodwork done!

I am going to suggest this to him, and I will make an appointment for the both of us as well!

He admitted to me later in the day that he is very ashamed of how he treated me. It just hit him all of a sudden when his mother invited us to lunch and he was too "embarrassed" to say yes because he didn't know what I was going to do. He didn't know that his mother already knew I was a vegan. Anyway, his fears were definately not expressed well, and he apoligised for that- which makes me happy because I know he is not a jerk. I wouldn't have married him otherwise

I just had no idea he was this afraid for me.
I also mentioned the "health" of his meat eating family (father had 3 heart attacks, mother is almost double the size she was 10 years ago). All that danish sausage and steaks have not done them well, and I certainly don't want to end up that way.

It is a good thing that I have fitday.com as a log for the past 6 months to show that I am eating adequate vitamins and calories.

Anyhow, thanks again! It is a comfort to know that I can have someplace to get raw support.

much love,
xxpeisi

Is he a bit overweight? If he is and you are losing weight it will make him feel insecure.

You can do it! I believe in you.

yeah, its helpful showing others all the nutri-stats to get em off your back.

One thing its easy to forget is how much of a different universe you are in now with respect to food and your body..For some reason we start assuming that others have made THAT LEAP, have come to the conclusions we have come to, or are ready to embrace ideas which seem totally obvious to us. We forget how much time and energy we have slowly invested in reversing our maze of thought in regards to our health and journey.

In some ways other people will always be outside that journey. that doesn't mean they're concern is not real, or that is necessarily comes from envy or insecurity, althought those are likely culprits! When the issue of fear is involved, its always fear for oneself as well as for the other because its this unknown thing. its the same response as when people recoil from those who are ill, they don't want to 'catch' ilness. and even more so they certainly don't want to acknowledge their existant state of 'health', thats even scarier!

anyway, as for suggestions, Pistachio hit it pretty good. always be the one to make it a non-issue and to compromise. set a good example. after all, you are the one with the acquired knowledge.

you don't have to compromise your integreity or your beliefs to accomplish that. theres no vegan flag to wave to my knowledge anyway, unless you were into that sort of thing.

oh, and don't pick fights with an old meat eatin motha!


why can't you just bring a salad for lunch? thats a pretty standard american diet thing to do on occasion? I've seen it done for sure by all kinds of 'normal' people



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2007 04:59AM by anaken.

hey sweetie glad to see you are doing better with the situation!! good luck with the dr. office visit..you will do great we all know it!! let us know how it goes with that.....sending good vibes and lots of love your way!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

i'm stumped

u know what to do

good luck

Maybe he should put his diet up on fitday and compare it to yours. I think it is odd how people think they know about nutrition because they have looked at the old pyramid before. I truly believe that some people think that eating mac-n-cheese is a good way to get calcium. I think the more your husband, and everyone, educates himself on nutrition the better he will feel about your diet and may even decide to make changes in his own diet. If he is eating the SAD there are health problems either showing symptoms now or someday will.

My hubby is definately not overweight. He eats meat like a maniac and has the fittest body I have ever seen! Very slim and muscular. You would think, out of the two of us, that HE is the raw vegan, hehe. That is why he thinks what I am doing is dangerous. He just can't understand that meat doesn't make me feel as good as it makes him feel.

Anyhow, an interesting side note- my kidney specialist (this would be the second one to date that has told me this) said that the low protein diet I am on right now is amazing for my kidneys!! He also told me that in his 20 years as a specialist, he has never ever not_even_once encountered a vegan suffering from malnutrition. He said that there is the occaisional iron deficiency but that is easily fixed, and I would notice if I became anemic. He also said that a b12 supplement could be wise, but even without it, most vegans do not suffer any deficiency (keep in mind, this is COOKED vegans guys).

He agreed whole-heartedly with me on my low-protein opinions and supports me 100%! He is very happy that my kidney is doing so well, and I could be saving myself from dialysis with my raw lifestyle.

Pretty neat-o, eh?
xxpeisi

Peisinoe:

That is way neat (about your kidney specialist). And also very neat that your husband apologized and you were both able to talk openly about his feelings. I also love Gosia's suggestion that you both have bloodwork.

Way to go!

Sorry to hear that you are going through all that.

Meat eaters are more likely to become deficient in B12 and a number of other nutrients than vegans.

Respect is a two way street, you respect him and what he wants to eat, why can he not afford you the same courtesy?
The fact is that you cannot live your life for someone else, you must be happy in yourself first.

Obviously, "dump him get a vegan" isn't the answer as you said. I think that you have to sit down and have serious discussions in a non confrontational manner are in order about where this issue is coming from.

Perhaps he is genuinely worried about you because he doesn't understand the Vegan diet, most non Vegans don't lets face it. Vegan isn't the "norm" you know.

Ask him to do some research on Vegan diets if he is worried.

I hope you get it all figured out!

Phil.

--------------------------------------------------

"Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it" (Chinese Proverb)

Things happen, people say blah blah all the time, how you interpret it is something else.

He was probably feeling a little alienated from you and feels you have lost things in common. I am sure, he didn't say that just to be mean. Somehow how we act , others interpret it as we feel, we are better than them, as well. Which we are, I agree, but it offends people because deep dwn inside , they know they are doing wrong by eating meat.

I read a book on how to deal with meat eaters, very touchy subject. Never talk about meat eating with a meat eater over dinner, for example. Or period, unless they want to change.

I think Pakd4fun hit the nail on the head.

Whenever we change in any way, the people in our lives will miss and even grieve the things we enjoyed together that we've now given up. This is only natural.

I've gone through this many times with many different things throughout my life. When I went into treatment for alcoholism many years ago, my then current boyfriend exclaimed, "They'll ruin you!", which interpreted meant, "they'll ruin the party we shared together" and, of course, they did.

But sooner or later the people in your life will begin to love and appreciate the new Peisinoe. You'll see.

khale