my little brother, who is 21, smokes. he has been since he was 17. no one else in my family smokes. I love him, and I worry that when me and my two younger brothers grow up, he'll be that uncle with the beer gut and smoker's cough etc. He used to be a track/xcountry star, and a swim teamer. I went for a run recently with him, and he had to stop every couple hundred yards to fight back vomit. he's tried to quit--tried hard. But he works as a landscaper, and it seems to be part of the crew's M.O.

I want to talk him off it with a detox. I know him, and he'll never go vegetarian, nevermind raw.

Does anyone know how I might approach this without being preachy or condescending? He is the type that loves his beef jerky and burger king and cola. he doesn't know what organic means, and he teases me for being such a "hippie-freakazoid."

ugh, maybe this isn't really the avenue to help him. But I know if he were receptive, it could work. He'd love his body too much to do this to himself any longer.

Shaine,

Why not ask him if 1) if he wants help, and 2) what if anything he would like you to do to support him? Let him run his own show and be there for him. Hint: This will only work if you are 100% open to supporting whatever he wants, even if it is not your choice for him!

If he gets interested in feeling better, you won't have to preach to him. He'll see how healthy you are and start to get curious about what you're doing.

No I've never done it, but I've wanted to.


Best of luck with your concern for him - hope he opens up to it.

i like Greenie's advice

yeah, first ask him if he WANTS help cuz its his life no matter WHAT
even if he gets cancer , it was his choice

its true, if you just keep doing what you are doing and feeling happy, healthy etc. he may just come around and say

"hey whaine, what's up? how can i become the superstartrackswimmer that i once wuz, but even better""??

and your bro may follow your cues

people are mostly visceral

u can preach to them all you want


but example is the only way

shaine Wrote:
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. But he
> works as a landscaper, and it seems to be part of
> the crew's M.O.
>
> he doesn't know what organic means, and he
> teases me for being such a "hippie-freakazoid."
>

It sounds like his food choices are culturally-based and he would feel too different if he even entertained the idea of eliminating them. Some guys think that salads are girl food and won't touch them in case it makes them more effeminant! (well I don't know exactly why, but that's how it seems)


He might prefer to age and sicken along with his friends. I once met an older woman who told me her husband had recently died of some disease. They had gone to the Hippocrates Institute to learn how to heal him with raw foods, but neither of them wanted to eat raw foods for the rest of their lives, so he chose to ignore what he learned, then he died. This woman told me that she would also choose to have 'nature take it's course' (die) than to make such a drastic shift from mainstream culture. I was stunned into silence - it's not that hard for me to be different, it's much, much harder for me to conform to mainstream standards. But I can see that other ppl are 'fed' by the acceptance of their peers. Neither way is wrong, but I guess it's hard for one type to really understand the other.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

What I've found for myself is that I need to be in sufficient pain before I change the way I do things.

Bryan,

You are an 'away from' person and are motivated by pain as you have discovered.

Many people are like you, and there are others who are 'going to' and are motivated by pleasure and hope/expectation of a payoff. To motivate 'away from' people, make a case for the awful consequences of what they're doing, eating, etc. To motivate the 'going to' people, you show them a vision of what's possible when they change.

It's really helpful to know where you fall in the away/to continuum because it can help you motivate yourself.

Even though we have many characteristics in common, each person is unique and speaks their own internal language of images, sounds, sensations. Within all that difference, we're built so that if we have the opportunity, the mind will quiet.

You can help your friend achieve a more quiet mind by just being there for them. No push or pull from your side, just present awareness, interest in what they are saying, simple. When you stop the push or pull, it creates a space in which they can have that quiet(er) mind, and it is in that quietness that greater coherence, growth, the next positive step comes about. Each person does that for themselves. Our pushing and good intentions often get in the way because growth comes through silence.

Anyhow, that's my experience with my own process and also as a coach.

I wonder if ppl are always just one or the other, cuz I'm like Bryan in that I have to be really suffering before I'll change my diet. I'm not stubborn, just don't want to make effort.
With other things I'm motivated by the reward I'll get after the effort and enjoy the delayed gratification cuz I know what's coming. I used to be a (fairly successful) athete and loved the rigors of training everyday, cuz I knew I was improving my performance, etc.
What's your experience with the ppl you've coached, Coach Greenie...

aquadecoco,

away from/going to is just one characteristic. As a coach I mostly facilitate the silence and that's the real catalyst for moving forward, and happiness, wholeness and healing. People know who they are and what to do from their own quiet mind. It's wonderful to be a part of that process.

greenie, this is very interesting. can you post any weblinks to articles and such on this topic?

pihourova Wrote:
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> greenie, this is very interesting. can you post
> any weblinks to articles and such on this topic?


I've done something similar with a craniosacral practitioner who has incorporated her own and other methods into treatments. It's intended to then be used independently at home. She takes me 'under the layers' of thought and feeling, deeper and deeper, till I reach the silence in my core. It's very calm there, but the trick for me is to remember to use it and to know what to 'do' with it.

pihourova Wrote:
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> greenie, this is very interesting. can you post
> any weblinks to articles and such on this topic?

I haven't seen anything like it and it's a big surprise to me.