Every time I have been raw, I have had this problem, but this time it seems much worse. I cant stand the way my boyfriend smells! He doesnt smell any different than usual, but for some reason I cant tolerate it anymore, and it seems like it is much stronger. He eats a very unhealthy diet and is not even a vegetarian. I dont want to hurt his feelings, but now I feel like he smells like garbage and garlic all the time! We live together and I love him very much, what can I do about this? Does anybody else notice that their unhealthy loved ones seem to have an offensive odor?

PS

Sorry if I am posting exessively, I'm home sick from surgery

Talk to him about it. Guys don't like smellin bad and he might not even realize it.

Have him take a quick soak in the bath with some Bragg's acv and don't rinse it off. That will help kill bacteria on the skin, underarms..etc.

Good luck?

Love,
Prism

It seems to me the only thing you can do is tell him and offer suggestions for a solution. You have to find what each of you can tolerate. You can have him turning you off with his smell, obviously. That will create some bigger issues.

i like the smell of garlic

i say use this as an opportunity to have ya ... know .. joint showers together .. nothing sexier then a sudsy soap down eu deux !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/31/2007 05:16PM by Jgunn.

I would try mentioning to him sometime that you find that you have little (or no) body odor on a raw diet. I wouldn't say anything to him though about what you describe here -- just speak positively about your own experience and it may plant a seed.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/31/2007 06:03PM by learningtofly.

Thats a good idea. I dont want to be mean to him at all. I'll mention that I notice that I smell good on raw, and the suggest sexy shower time (and maybe sexy tooth brushing time as well ha). Sounds good to me!

>>>You can have him turning you off with his smell, obviously. That will create some bigger issues.<<<

Sorry, I meant to say "CAN'T" have him turning you off.

For a lot of people on SAD, the smell is on the inside of their bodies, not the outside. If it were just on the outside, a shower would take care of it. But often the smell is coming out of the skin, the mouth (from the stomach/lungs), and the genitals. That smell can't be washed away, but requires a dietary change to make go away.

Maybe you could start by explaining how toxins fester on our insides and in our cells, especially if we eat alot of meat, and that he's been smelling a little unhealthy lately and maybe he could start running or taking steam baths to help some of those toxins wash away so that you could have your sexy-smelling boyfriend back??

(I think diet is a tricky one for most men - they're more apt to do an activity).

Don't feel embarassed when you tell him, though - then HE'LL feel embarassed - I think if you're just casual & nonchalant about it, then he'll be like, oh ok. Guys stink, their friends stink, they grow up with people telling them they stink, I think smell issues are not such a big deal for men as they are for women.

Good luck!

Thats what I'm worried about. He adopted a raw diet with me once, for about 2 weeks, and this wasnt a problem at all. Its not that he smells bad, when I'm on a SAD diet I dont notice anything, but now I cant barely stand it, especially first thing in the morning. He loves fruit, maybe I should just keep putting it in front of him so he fills up on that stuff before he gets a chance to order pizza? I would hate to think my lifestyle change might get between us.

Maybe you could start by just letting him in on your observations, like "you know what's weird, the higher percentage I do raw, the more I can smell cooked food on people..." then perhaps the conversation can segue to what you can smell on your boyfriend... and you could say, well, when you eat fruit you smell sexy, but when you eat meat, sometimes I get turned off by the smell. Guys don't want to be a turn-off, so maybe that could motivate him to eat more fruit... I hope!

Yup. I cannot stand the way SAD eaters smell when they perspire. There was an article and thread posted about "Vegansexuals". Limits the options where intimacy is concerned. I even find that I have a problem with colognes used to cover the odors. They are too artificial and strong for me. I feel for you and your dilemma.

The only solution is for either him to change his diet or for you to move on and find someone compatible. Love is just an emotion. There will be others even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

I agree with life101 about either him changing or you moving on. However, if you share this with your BF this way, it may seem like your love is conditional. Another way to share this is to say

Quote

I love you just the way you are, and I don't need you to change for me to love you. However, the way you smell right now to me makes me sick, and I don't get to be abused because I love you. So if you want to spend time and exchange bodily fluids with me, I need you to change your diet so that you no longer smell rotten to me, or I need to withdraw from my physical relationship with you. Regardless of what you choose to do, I love you unconditionally.

Bryan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I agree with life101 about either him changing or
> you moving on. However, if you share this with
> your BF this way, it may seem like your love is
> conditional. Another way to share this is to say

"Quote:
> I love you just the way you are, and I don't need
> you to change for me to love you. However, the way
> you smell right now to me makes me sick, and I
> don't get to be abused because I love you. So if
> you want to spend time and exchange bodily fluids
> with me, I need you to change your diet so that
> you no longer smell rotten to me, or I need to
> withdraw from my physical relationship with you.
> Regardless of what you choose to do, I love you
> unconditionally."

I don't get that quote. Is that meant to be loving communication?

learningtofly,

Could you share a more loving way to communicate this need to a partner?

haha, it does sound very 'Star Trek'

I have decided to more actively push him to achieve better health. Another issue is that he is very much an animal lover (probably more so than me even)- and yet he is not even a vegetarian let alone a vegan. He went raw with me once and he said he felt great, maybe a little hungry. He is also underweight already, and his biggest concern is that if he stops eating all this crap he will lose even more weight. Does anybody have any advice on gaining weight while still working towards a vegan and hopefully high-raw diet?

If he is truly underweight, there is a good chance that a raw vegan diet will help him achieve his ideal weight. To put on more muscle, he needs to do physical activity that will cause his muscles to grow. Muscles grow when they are exerted past their current capacity to handle load. And getting a lot of rest helps those muscles heal and grow.

Bryan, That was a nice suggestion.

Selenes, why don't you introduce him to Dr. Graham's 80/10/10 methodology? Or, even Dr Fuhrman's "Eat to Live" (this is not raw but gives evidence of the need to be at least vegetarian). I've heard that weight will go to whatever natural weight one is supposed to be when eating raw vegan. Other than that, nuts, seeds, legumes, avocados, bananas all make for great protein or fats. You could also do raw (dehydrated) breads. Good luck.

Anaken,

Its all in presentation. First get naked with your partner, embrace them in a melting full body hug, and whisper these words into their ear as you gently massage the back of their neck (or their favorite spot, if you know it)

if he`s an animal lover maybe you could school him in the way commercial feedlot animals are treated and raised and with time maybe he`ll convert just because he is disgusted with what he`s learning. i`ve done this with my kids and hubby as far as petshops and puppymills go and i`m pretty sure my family would never buy a pup from a petstore no matter how cute that doggie is in the window. take the backdoor in if you don`t feel comfy with the results you may get telling him straight up that you don`t like his smell. also accentuate the positive, maybe challenge him to a day of raw and shower on the praise and charm about how he smells so different and sexy after a day of raw. my hubby is a meat eater and i couldn`t throw away 16 years and all his good qualities because he eats meat. do i wish he`d become a vegetarian? yes. will i dump him cuz he`s not? HELL NO!! he is a wonderful man and noone can hold a stick to him.just my 2 cents
patty

You've got to be careful about this too and make sure that your diet doesn't make you smell to him - as in too much garlic or brewers yeast - if you eat those things. I've heard of raw foodists having those problems.

So start out by asking him if you smell or if your food is iritating to him (loud noises from food processing and blending, the smell of dehydrating concoctions ect.) and then move on to how he smells.

Who knows, he might be on another message board right now telling people what he has to put up with.

its up to you

what you want to put up with
and how much

not sure how to help you
not one bit

sorry

good luck

tropical Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Who knows, he might be on another message board
> right now telling people what he has to put up
> with.


that's hilarious! still laughing.....

no, no, I thought it was GOOD...just kinda technical. plus I like Star Trek so its all good.


as for the situ, it sounds like HE thinks giving up all his bad habits is going to make him less toxic which will make him also lose weight (at least initially)....SOO..you got a RARE smart one...Most people would neglect such a change for far more superficial or ignorant reasons.

seems like its just too big of a leap for him and its probably not your place to push things too much...

I would just be as honest as possible, say "i'm more sensitive to smells now" and put the ball in his court. If he wants to make a change E2L (or something similar) might be a step that makes all the difference (as far as the smell situation, but gaining weight might be a longer drawn out process that only HE can be motivated to do). If he doesn't want to make a change..then its back in your court to weigh the relationship, and to what extent you are becoming different or similar people.

Too much animal protein in the diet can result in excess uric acid/urea (a by-product of protein metabolism) coming out in the sweat -- just like certain sulfuric garlic compounds do. The problem with urea is that it stinks like urine (same root to both words!) and breaks down into ammonia. [Ever smell a baby's diaper?!]. That is not only stinky, it is very unhealthy.

Not meaning to generalize or sound prejudiced, but many "national diets" tend to come out in the sweat of people who eat them (anyone who eats them, regardless of race or origin), causing a characteristic form of body odor, different for each type of diet. I had a friend who spent six months working in Tibet some years ago, and came back smelling like a Tibetan, from drinking Yak-butter tea every day. Many Indians/South Asians have a particular odor, from curry spices and perhaps even "ghee" (clarified butter) coming out in the sweat. Most Africans have a particularly strong body od, although I'm not sure what compound(s) cause that odor. The ONLY people who seem almost stink-free are...you guessed it! Raw-food vegans/vegetarians and near-vegetarians... BUT they can stink, too, from certain foods like garlic or even asparagus --any plants with odoriferous components (or breakdown by-products) that the body eliminates through sweating (or through the breath).

Perhaps if you can explain to your boyfriend how this works, and let him know that it is NOT personal rejection of him in any way, but simply that he smells bad because of how he is eating, he could accept it, even though he may feel a little embarrassed. IF you tell him how much you want to enjoy being intimate with him and having real pleasure in it (add an element of lusty promise there - a motivation for him!) but how the smell is making it difficult for you (your trying, but the smell is truly unpleasant for you), he may be motivated to try and improve. I don't think ANYONE WANTS to stink. Most people who do either don't know it, or don't know what to do about it. If he learns that he smells bad and learns how to make the smell go away, he may well be eager to try to improve.

Good luck with this!

I don't think it's possible to be a stinky raw vegan (provided that you bathe often enough) if you are eating unprocessed foods only.

But you can be a stinky vegan if you do high protein with protein supplements (rice, hemp, soy, etc.). Even plant protein makes a stinky body, more production of biogenic amines, more nitrogen in the wastes, sweat, breath, etc. if you eat enough of it.

I doubt it's healthy if it makes one smell.

I just have unbridled admiration for your openness of heart to be with a meat-eater/smoker/drinker. I get so repulsed by odors, especially smoke and perfumes but also the meat. Oh, so gross. I really admire those who can look past the yucky physical stuff. I think you're more evolved.

oh no, and i'm with you!!!

my husband, whom i love dearly, has health cycles.
and he's in a bad weight gaining, smoking tobacco pipe, eating crap, drinking crap one right now.

and it SMELLS.
like his body is tired and overworked and getting sick.

but he listens to me
partly b/c i can tell him when he's getting sick a week before he gets symptoms.
and partly b/c we've fasted and cleansed and eaten raw a lot together.
but i must say,
right now i'm three months preggers
and it's driving me nutters.

so i'm eating garlic and onions
trying to keep up

it's not working....

but he does have a fast coming up
so i'm sure it will all turn around fast enough

hopefully yours will do the same

peace-

Mama Cass Wrote:


> so i'm eating garlic and onions
> trying to keep up

LOL...i just found this visual very amusing although i`m sure living it isn`t amusing at all. plus if you`re anything like i was when preggers i was an emotional mess. i cried at bathing suit commercials! LOL
patty