I have learned in the past 9 months Vegan and 7 months being a raw vegan that I don't knock people who eat SAD. I let them eat in peace and sometimes I'll bring my own raw gourmet dish that they love.

My boyfriend of over 6 years and all my friends are SAD. But it's really beginning to bother me. Not only do they eat everything they're not supposed to but they all smoke too.

When I became friends with them, I was SAD and a Smoker, but that was a year ago, they continued and I quit.

Now, they are still my friends and the jokes about me being raw, the comments that seem racial, the food that they serve smell horrible and the smoke is becoming unbearable, including my boyfriends ashtray mouth.

I love my friends, I really couldn't imagine being without them, but I am avoiding them more and more and finding myself alone. My boyfriend goes over his friends house without me now because I told him I just can't deal with yet another night of smoke and BBQ animal flesh.

I know if I continue my behavior I will lose the people I love. It already seems to be starting.

I have explained to my boyfriend and friends that I love my life the way I am and the way I eat, it's just that I haven't been able to tell them that I can't stand the smoke & smell of food (except by boyfriend). Some of my friends even have babies and they smoke in the house while they're playing. I know I don't say anything at all but it has gotten to the point that I really can't stand it anymore.

What is going to happen, and have you had any simular problems like mine?





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2008 10:21PM by deegarry@yahoo.com.

Dee,
Your friends will always be your friends and good friends understand and stand
with you and you need to do the same for them.Give them time to change thier ways or except yours. Do outdoor fun with them. Talk with them on the phone or e-mail them. Go to smokless places and vegan places with them. Go snow skiing,hiking,watersking, indoor sports any activity that does not allow smoking. there is alot to do out there that is in a smoke free inviroment. As for the food if it is making you sick then you need to stay away but if you can tolerate it let them be and do your thing. Dee good friends encourage you and love you up~~~

As for loneliness I am sure you can make new freinds that do the things you do hang in there. Explore your new world meet new people and have fun with it.

~Tam

good true friends will always be your friends no matter what you eat ... diet is a personal thing and shouldnt have anything to do with what you are doing socially, if you cant stand the smoke and you are in the minority the you have the choice not to be there

its all about choices and somtimes they are hard but its up to you

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Be gentle with yourself Dee, no one, not you or them, is doing anything wrong. The only thing you need to do is to take care of yourself and that may look like spending less time with your old friends and finding new friends with more compatible interests and lifestyle.

Think of this as a test for your relationships. If the love you share with these people is unconditional, then both you and they will find a way to make it work. If the relationships are founded on conditional love, then they will fall away over time.

All of you made sense, and Uti those are deep words, I like it! Thanks for your replies.

I guess what I would think about is what the friendships are based on. Were they formed due to common interests? Were they formed due to circumstances (you met at work or school)? If they were formed because you all enjoyed eating at the same restaurants and smoking together then it sounds like it's time to move on. If they were formed because of certain activities you did together then maybe see if they'd be willing to cut out the smoking and meat eating while you engage in those activities. If they are unwilling then it's time to move on, in my opinion. As people grow and change the people they enjoy being around naturally changes as well. I don't see anything wrong with that, and I don't believe that friends are meant to be for life...some are, I suppose, but humans are such dynamic individuals that it's unreasonable to assume that we're meant to stick together no matter what, especially if we're now on separate paths. It sounds like they don't mind hurting their bodies, and it's obvious that you've changed in that regard. Do you still want to be around them, to share your life with them, or is this longing based more on attachment than genuine care?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2008 05:14PM by blue_butterfly.

Hey, Dee, I was wondering how this problem has progressed for you since the time you've posted? (I had to dig for the thread!) I ask, because I'm into my third month 100% raw, now, and I'm starting to experience some of the same conflicts.

And any words from anyone else who went through/are experiencing something similar would be golden. =)

Simply put, my energy levels are starting to soar, and I feel like I'm gaining so much momentum, I'm going to soar past everyone around me... and then what? I don't know.

Everyone in my life, too, is SAD. Whether it's my boyfriend, who falls asleep literally every time he eats something awful (this connection has become so apparent it's frustrating!), which is pretty much every night, or my roommate, or my friends, who love to get belligerently drunk and high. Yes, we've all had some great times, and we've had great times doing those things, but they are no longer the totality of my being. And just exploring the frontiers that raw foods and a clear head can bring are very unknown and a solitary journey to begin with!

I'm even having troubled dreams. It's so hard. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me angry. Plans you made are forgotten because someone is asleep/intoxicated, being told subtly in conversation that "yoga isn't real exercise," health after detox is a "pipe dream"... the list could go on and on. I also finally have the sense of self-worth that makes me stand up for myself when things are emotionally damaging--and I can't tolerate being negated. I don't treat anyone that way, even when people are very misinformed and jump on a soap box.

I do need some fresh social connections. I might be able to attend a raw potluck sometime next month. But it isn't self-destructive habits, or even a common interest in self-destructive habits that made me love these people to begin with. I also don't think starting by discriminating habits has anything to do with the meat (ha ha!) of a wonderful relationship.

I need companionship that will support my growth, however. I think that's what's bothering me...

Hi

After I quit drinking 5 1/2 years ago I actually have lost one "friend" who use to badger me about having a beer with him. It wasn't a great loss however as I now don't consider what we had true friendship. Hindsight is 20/20 !!

I have spent considerably less time with my other "party" friends, however they are all still friends. We see each other now and again, email, talk on the phone etc.

I know this isn't raw food related but i thought it was similar enough to warrant a reply.

Good luck and if you lose and "friends" question wether they were "true" friends or not. Peace

i have a little story to relay :

i was invited to a little trip that involved a LOT of driving

i knew that one of the people who was coming along was a smoker and my ONLY request was " please don't smoke while we are in the car"

of course, if i was OUT of the car, i wouldn't be anywhere near them when they smoked

the promise was made and i thought that " a promise is a promise"

this person not only BROKE that promise on our way back but persisted in telling me that i was "taking away her freedom"

in the middle of the trip, i said... just STOP the car and drop me off right here... i will take a train , bus .. whatever ( since it was her car we were in and switching off on the driving and sharing gas expenses) because i was no longer willing to put up with the smoke

it was dead in the middle of the night but i didn't care.. .i really did NOT want to be in that situation any longer

she then decided to "white knuckle it" and stop smoking while she was driving

but she was SO angry that she drove all the way back ( a few hours) at WARP SPEED... she drove SOOOO FAST...

i was a teenager at the time and was naive enough to think that a smoker could actually STOP SMOKING and keep their promise

after that, i made a pact with myself to NEVER be around someone whom CANNOT stop smoking when i request them to do so ( in front of me)\

i have kept my pact since
if a person simply CANNOT stop smoking when they are around me, then I just REFUSE to be around them

i have a CHOICE

and I aim to use it

I really know where you're coming from on this. It seems like ALL my friends smoke, including my husband and I've started getting quite fed up with it. After I quit smoking I started phasing it out at my house. I refused to go anywhere near my husband while he was smoking, I wouldn't let him smoke in my car, I wouldn't let him smoke in the car while I in it. I started purposely having friends over who don't smoke and who have kids so he would feel a little guilty(terrible I know but it works!). He started smoking less, went from over a pack a day to 7 or 8 a day. He also noticed how much healthier I was, the weight I was losing and how much more energetic I was. I talked to him about my concern for his health in the most non judgemental way possible. I told him that by no means did I expect him to change his eating(you gotta start small!), but that I was really worried about lung cancer and all the other side effects from smoking. I told him I would like him to start going to the gym with me, but he never could because he always wheezing and out of breath.
Two months later...he's on the patch and happy about it. We will eventually get down to no nicotine whatsoever.
I found it very easy to talk to my significant other about this. Obviously all relationships are different but I wish you luck.
As far as my friends...no luck whatsoever. Most of them have been respectful about not smoking around me. But as far as the food, that is a lost cause. If I go to a party I try to bring a fruit bowl or veggie tray and it seems like that is appreciated. If your friends cannot be respectful of you though then they are not real friends. I've had lots of friends ask me questions about my diet,mainly the where do you get your protein question. I can't say I think any of them agree with me about eating raw but they've all been respectful of my decision to do whatever I think it takes to be healthy.
You have to remember to respect them too. They may not be eating healthily but it's their body and their life. I don't have to like it, but as long as there is mutual respect I think the friendship can be maintained. Never let anyone make you feel bad about doing what's right for you though. I had to make it very clear a couple times that I would not tolerate that.
Sorry I'm rambling because I'm at work and somewhat distracted. Good luck though!

hi brenna

cool story with u and hubby

best of luck to u

my crystal ball says " hubby will get off his patch and join brenna for fun and iron pumping at the gym! "

He's doing so good! We work together and I always take walks on my breaks and he goes to smoke. Today he came for a walk with me for the first time. I'm so proud of him!
Between that and our citrus trees the have been producing tons and tons of fruit lately he is start to get so healthy so fast, I already see him losing weight and being a lot more happy and energetic due to raw foods.

All but two my coworkers are SAD. It stresses me out when I see them eating cow or pig or chicken or fish but I keep my mouth firmly shut.

On the positive side, the other two are vegetarian.

3/13 isn't *that* bad, it's 23%, which is way better than the 2% for the entire USA.

Lee's SAD Co-Worker Report:

Today, one of the women I share an office with held up a package of what looked like orange Styrofoam packing peanuts and said, "They're a health food! Want some?"

I politely declined. She said, "They're from Trader Joe's."

She is extremely overweight.

I said, "I buy fruit there sometimes."

Sometimes I get bummed out that my brain and bones are made from all the crap I used to eat. Then I look around me.

2% of the population?

Oh man, to think I'm one of the healthy ones. I can't imagine going back -- going back to being so tired and fat.

>>Sometimes I get bummed out that my brain and bones are made from all the crap I used to eat.

Don't look backwards. Look forwards. You were enlightened! This is cause for rejoicing, not depression.

I think, well, at least this is one thing I got right in life! Pretty happy about what I chose for myself, but still not in a place where I am not distressed at what others are chosing.

We are funny creatures, how we delude ourselves. Overweight is a terribly pervasive condition in our twisted society and many people are "locked in" to these faulty thought patterns that allow it to fester and exacerbate. It's really difficult for them to overcome, and they have all these rationalizations. It's better for us not to judge them but hope that one day they will act according to what they know is right in their hearts. We *can't* be the only ones who get it. I think they get it, too. They just can't do it. Yet. Emphasis on yet.

Arugla, you are so right. I am so glad to have found this path.

Thanks.

"A few drops do not create a monsoon, but they presage it."

--H. P. Blavatsky

"our physical body is never older than seven years! This is due to the fact that the body recreates itself constantly. Tissue cells die and are replaced by new ones. Every second we lose about three-and-a-half million red blood cells. There is nothing to worry about though, for another three-and-a-half million are born to replace the old ones. Ninety-eight percent of the atoms present in our body today will be gone within one year and replaced by new ones. The body is more like a river of constantly renewed tissues rather than a frozen sculpture of decaying matter.

Skin cells live for seven days, heart cells for ninety days, while bone cells have a thirty-six month life span. There is a different life expectancy for every type of tissue cell depending on its function and location in the body. Life energy, the creative force, is constantly at work recreating our tissues and organs. Life energy or "human electricity" travels via the nerve system to reach every single tissue cell in the body...

The question we must all ask ourselves is, what kind of body are we going to have next year? Is it going to be a healthier one or a sicker one? Is it going to replace itself normally or abnormally? Is it going to express more ease or dis-ease?"

[www.chiropracticforlifechicago.com]

hey BRENNA!

yaaaayy... my crystal ball fortune came true for u and yer hubby! HA HA H HAAA!

so nice to hear that he went out for a wwalk with u instead of the usual smoking routine

my crystal ball says : "brenna and hubby will be SKIPPING together soon"

phantom:

THAT'S A darn beautiful quote !

LUV IT TO PIECES!!!

i'm talking about the few drops presaging the monsoon quote

First of all what is SAD? Like sad as in "thats sad you eat like that?
I am having the same issues but for me its like i would rather be alone then have to put up with peoples crap. I have not meet anyone else who is raw and it sucks. I figure this is a good time for me to focus on my goals and dreams. although i am lonely i dont mind because i know i am doing something wonderful for my self and my body.


.........living to tell a tale of a life it self........

SAD = Standard American Diet

Sapphire

an excellent book to read told me to never ever talk about raw food or veganism with meat eaters, especially over dinner. If they egg you on, just laugh it off

Suvine's advice is good--laughing instead of getting angry or defensive. It shows that eating like this does *not* invovle being uptight.

In Carol Adam's "Living Among Meat Eaters" she also says never to discuss your diet over a meal. They are eating meat so it won't be good to point out the truth about it. Say you'd rather talk about it later if you think that would be productive.

Oddly enough I have found that people have more questions about me not eating meat than the fact that I eat raw. Everybody seems to expect a vegetarian to eat tons of fruits and veggies, so when I want a salad for dinner instead of a steak, nobody wants to know why I eat raw, they just think it's so crazy that I don't eat meat. I tend to point to my family history of heart attacks, strokes, and insanely high cholestoral and say I'm just trying not to eat meat because I don't want that to happen to me. Anybody who's met my family full of 300+ pound, extraordinarily unhealthy people understands. Unless you're eating with the same people on a daily basis, most people aren't likely to even notice that you're not eating what they eat. It's easier to say oh I'm watching my weight, or my doctor said my cholestoral is too high or I'm lactose intolerant or things like that than to deal with an arguement from people who are not conscious of their health in the same manner that you are.
Most people will not make it a big deal unless you do and those that do are going to end up not being worth your time in the long run. A lot of people will probably be really interested and who knows you might convince them to eat less meat.

yes, brenna is totally right. most people won't notice. I never talk about my food, but some women have noticed that I am thin and never eat the junk food. (And I got mad because they want us to pay to bring pop and muffins and bagels and pasturized juice to meetings--I said, why not drink water and eat our own food!!!) Anyway, those women have gotten curious over time and ask questions. I just say, I just like this, I can't eat junk food or I feel so bad and I don't like factory farms. and I have seen them now have fruit sometimes, or a SAD salad (better than nothing I guess), so it influences them in small ways.

Today I told someone that asked, "I can't eat sugar because I get such bad cramps when I eat it, and it's so addictive so I hate it anyway." And they said "I get horrible menstrual cramps!" and I didn't say anything...and then they talked about how they couldn't stop eating sugar. Sad, I hope one day they will figure it out.

maui butterfly

Thank you for that post~ you have no idea what perfect timing that came as..I just jumped on this chat and will forward that to my Mom who needs help right now, healthwise. She used to look at me funny when I didn't want dessert or candy,or cheese doodles,.. now she is open to hearing what I have to say and your words came at the utmost perect timing~ Thank you!!

After reading all these posts, I can't help but ask, "Anyone looking for a new raw friend in Atlanta?"

deegarry, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I don't know the exact situation. Only you can know it. But I do know one thing...

I'm not one to give up on people easily because everyone has the right to be ignorant. What they don't have is the right to be arrogant.

When people cross that boundary with me, after several chances, I back out of those relationships. Who needs it? They aren't friends. Friends support you, even if they don't understand. Friends don't constantly tease and harrass you to the point that it's not funny anymore. They don't make you the butt of jokes. Friends look out for each other.

These aren't friends.

bostonhill Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> now she is open to hearing what
> I have to say and your words came at the utmost
> perect timing~ Thank you!!

gosh you're welcome!

I bumped into an old friend recently and we ate together at a restaurant, I got the salad bar and made 4 trips with huge heaps of lettuce on my plate. While he didn't make any issues or comments *while* we were eating, today, he told my boss in so many words that I eat like a gorilla.

I didn't think he'd noticed!