i know it's been brought up before, but there are new people on this forum then before...

what do you all do about dating (those that are dating)?

do you only date raw vegans? fruties? veggies? vegans?

if you do date non raw vegans, what do you do? like, when you go out to dinner or something? do you just not go out to dinner?

do you ever think about it like things in the long term when you start dating someone like if the food is going to be a conflict, or if you will be eventually preparing different meals for dinners and stuff?

I feel like when one adopts this lifestyle, they become it in a way. it changes a lot about the way a person thinks and lives life i think (at least for me it did). not to be an elitist or anything i really hope i don't sound that way, but i feel like raw vegans are dancing to a different beat whether they realize it or not.

yes?

i date people who are not, but i feel like it eventually always becomes a conflict and it pretty much never has anything to do with food if that makes sense at all.

For me, i find it awkward to date a sad eater.
I would prefer a fellow raw foodist who also
does yoga, and is very spiritual.
However that is not the current case. I live
with it. I realize our relationship isn't
perfect but I try to focus on what is good
or great not what isn't.
I do agree with you, in a perfect world a
fellow raw foodist would be great.
dave

im in a serious relationship now going on two years. my boyfriend has no interest in becoming raw, let alone eating veggies or fruits. it does make it difficult when we decide what to eat, i usually just make him his cooked SAD meal and then make my raw meal. we eat together then and its fine. he supports me trying to get a healthier lifestyle, its just difficult because i tend to crave what he is still eating. good luck,if you are seriously thinking of joining your life with another, they should support you and understand you goal to reach ultimate health

I generally want to date someone who has a healthy lifestyle (my perception, not theirs - ha!), but if it's long-term, vegan just because that's the only lifestyle/lifeview I have the utmost respect for and I want to respect my partner.

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

I date whoever I wish - and support THEM in what their dreams are. If they don't have a problem with the way I eat...and my habits (which perhaps differ from the norm) why should I have a problem with THEIR habits? Ha! ha! I can always choose to NOT date them...or spend time around them.....if I find their habits to be unacceptable....but that's MY issue...not theirs. And they certainly have that option as well.

-In any event, I have actually never been with a girl who lives a very healthy lifestyle like I do. It's never been a source of conflict. Of course, there is a MAJOR difference between dating....(which I do) and LIVING TOGETHER (which I have not done). It's all about my showing love to THEM. THEY can do whatever they want! LOL.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

unhealthy people smell yucky and that is a huge turn off. plus, the idea of kissing someone who puts gross stuff into their mouths, what kind of bacteria etc is going to be in there? oogy! coco no can do. and that's just kissing, the idea of the other stuff is beyond unthinkable to me. i spend lots of time with people but i am very particular about who i let have intimate contact with my body. i have to be attracted to a person to want that and i am easily turned off by behavior. i can be friends, love and support, spend time, go out with, have discussions, have affection and fun, but no nookie. good thing i like myself enough to be single.

I have a bit of a lengthy response. >.>

I've been head over heels for my boyfriend a long time before I went raw, so it was just something we had to incorporate into the relationship. He has the most deplorable eating habits, grape soda and sausage for breakfast sometimes, and is probably twice my weight. But diet and physical appearance are things subject to change--it has nothing to do with the person inside. He still loves me, in spite of all my shortcomings (I can make a list), and the best I can do is support him whenever he makes choices that are good for himself.

Even Tonya Zavasta said, "Ladies, never throw away a perfectly good man just because he won't eat raw."

When I first started transitioning, there was probably the most conflict, because I had already been HORRIBLY sick for months and he was worried. There was only one fight we had about it, where I asked him, "Don't you care about your body?!" and he told me I was "taking my veganism to a creepy extreme."

We still go for dates. There are a lot of fantastic Asian restaurants in the area, so it's easier for me to get raw mango salad or something fantastic like that. Even if you go to a coffee shop, you can find some kind of delicious tea to drink. Dates are not a problem.

As for cooking, he adores whenever I make raw desserts. I will not cook for him. The best thing I can do is keep my house full of fruits he loves, the way he loves them. Pineapples and oranges, always chilled, lots of unripe peaches/mangoes/nectarines, and he'll get into the black grapes sometimes. When I lived by myself, he was actually eating a lot better, because it was just the food at my place that was available. Now, he's friends with my roommate, and it's french fries, pizza, beer, etc. He is completely influenced by whatever is around him, so all I can do is be patient and encourage the good choices he makes.

Criticism DOES NOT WORK. You CAN'T criticize if you expect to have a healthy relationship. Plus, my boyfriend is a Sagittarius, so if you tell him to do anything at all, he'll only do the opposite. I can't even say something like, "Have some raw food with me," because he won't eat it, but if I say, "Baby, there's a golden, delicious pineapple waiting for you in the fridge," he'll be all over it.

The changes in my attitude, energy levels, and physical appearance over the past three months have really changed his attitude about raw. He doesn't worry about me "getting sick" or "having deficiencies" at all--he doesn't even have problems explaining to anyone for me if people start asking questions, he's just accepted it.

It would be ludicrous for me not to accept him. And who knows what he'll decide to do in the future.

Oh, and I did ask him to use mouthwash after he ate some pepperoni pizza and tried to kiss me yesterday. I don't like to ask, he's usually good about being clean, but I can NOT stick my tongue in someone's mouth if it tastes like something I wouldn't put in my own. Haha. (I make sure not to give him durian kisses, either, and we joke about it.)

Before I got married I simply dated people :O)
Doesn't matter to me and shouldn't matter to them for it to be worthwhile.
If it does I naturally moved on.

Got married to a meat eater and life is great. Mutual respect, consideration and trust make it work for us. 10+ years so far and all is just as good as day one.

I would honestly date whomever I wanted without regard to what they eat. There are so few people out there I would date in the first place, lol, I don't think I could discount meat eaters or non raw food eaters.
Luckily I don't have to worry about it. My husband and I learned about raw food at the same time and he loves the idea and is doing it with me. But I wouldn't mind if he didn't.

Yeah, it's really different if you're already in a relationship. I like the mutual understanding that ethical similarities bring, and I can't get over how selfish a person is to kill animals for the sake of the taste, therefore, subconsciously, inadvertently, I don't truly, deeply respect that person enough to be a significant other.

BUT that could be different if I already was in love with someone when I became more cognizant of other beings. And my choices dont reflect a judgment on others' choices to be with omnivores.

I also like myself enough to be single! Woot.

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

For many I don't think it is selfishness to choose to eat meat. That is all they've known and it has been what they have done all their lives perhaps. Many simply choose to block it out then or ignore everything behind the partaking of meat eating. Are they any less of a person?? I think not. That is their best choice they see for themselves. Ask a smoker why he smokes, even if he knows the dangers, he still smokes then. People are a funny bunch :O)

Well, presumably, if a meat eater is dating a vegan, then they have explored or asked the vegan why and the vegan has explained, therefore, the meat eater has been "opened" up to the idea of living peacefully with other creatures.

Habits take time to change, too. I was first exposed to veganism when I was 16, from an older cousin who I saw occasionally. I thought it was SO COOL, and I remember thinking, "Wow, I'd really like to be there someday," but at that time, I didn't have the money to do it for myself, and my dad wouldn't have taken me seriously. I also didn't have any of the nutritional knowledge to do it properly... just wasn't ready, despite the fact I was exposed and it intrigued me on some level.

But the day I graduated high school, I took that summer to learn how to cook, and never ate meat again. And even that took another 4 years before I am where I am now, which is also not the end of my improvements. I had also heard about raw some time before I really embraced it, despite the fact I "liked the idea." I didn't change until my situation was dire. It's funny how we wait to act sometimes, even if we know better, even if we see other people we really respect doing things that we know we could really benefit from ourselves.

I tend to think things are more dire/serious/urgent when other beings and their death is involved. But I also recognize that everyone is different. And I don't disrespect anyone here for their choices to eat whatever. I'm just talking about a significant other, someone who I would share a significant portion of my life with; I think those people are (or could be) held to a higher standard against what you (general "you" want.

Being open up to the idea, but "actually changing", is a far stretch for the general public at times. I know from our end it seems easy, but such is life and people.

I agree Phantom, that "habits take time to change" and for many they don't change or it is something beyond them and time may be all they need.

As I said, people are a funny bunch :O)

The reason I was turned off from vegetarianism and veganism in earlier years was because the people I met who were living this lifestyle were adamant, vehement and obnoxious about it. They shoved their lifestyle on everyone, condemning them for their own choices. What is wrong with people who do this? If YOU want to live this way, go for it! Be happy! Flourish! I'll support you! But, when you start pushing your lifestyle on other people, you've crossed the line.

It's NO different than people who complain about ANY lifestyle or affiliation who do it to them. This world is so hypocritical. Political Correctness has all but ruined this country.

There is no chance people are going to get the world to stop eating meat. It's a fact of life. The best way to influence others is to live your life as an example and stop badgering people about it. You change things one person at a time.

If you want to be accepted for your veganism (or anything else), then you need to start accepting people for their choices. If someone doesn't do that, they're arrogant and selfish and think everything should revolve around them and their beliefs.

What does anything in your post have to do with dating, SL? I think you posted in the wrong thread.

I was vegetarian when my boyfriend and I started dating. He wouldn't eat meat before we kissed, which I appreciated. Besides that, I just did my thing and he did his--I knew that you can't force change on other people so I never tried. He learned a lot about vegetarian food just by watching me eat, including that it can be a complete tasty meal!

After over two years of being together, he was at an event (without me), and was shown a video about factory farms. He came home and said he couldn't eat meat anymore, he loved animals too much and couldn't be so hypocritical. He has been vegetarian ever since and I decided to go vegan then (since now our lifestyles wouldn't be too far apart). Fast forward two years, and we go to an event where some of my animal rights friends read a poem. The next day he says it really struck him, and he was going vegan. That was three years ago, and he's been vegan ever since. It's really, really cool. He's also more interested in healthy eating, just hearing me talk about my own food choices. But he does still eat junk I would never, and I never force him or judge him. But at this point, I don't think I could get serious with someone who was not at least vegetarian (or "trying" or "on the path". Their values and lifestyle would just be too far from mine.

Utopian Life,

My post didn't specifically mention dating but it relates to dating. I think a lot of people, when they're dating someone, try to change them. Non-smokers try to convert smokers, vegetarians try to convert meat eaters, etc.,

A huge problem with dating is that both people usually try to change the other in one way or another. I'll just never understand that.

Simple Living Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Utopian Life,
>
> My post didn't specifically mention dating but it
> relates to dating. I think a lot of people, when
> they're dating someone, try to change them.
> Non-smokers try to convert smokers, vegetarians
> try to convert meat eaters, etc.,
>
> A huge problem with dating is that both people
> usually try to change the other in one way or
> another. I'll just never understand that.


Yeah, it really stinks when the person you're seeing is trying to change you, which is probably why most of us date vegans in the first place if that is what we prefer.

I have experienced talking to a meat eater who would have liked to change my veganism, so don't forget that it goes both ways. I think people are quick to judge vegans because they are in the minority, when, in reality, the way they act cannot be judged by a few that you have had bad experiences with (it sounds like you have and you're judging all vegans based on this, just sayin'). I wouldn't say all omnivores are jerks just because I have had a few bad experiences with omnivores....or even that all men are jerks. In fact, I think there's good in everyone.

And if you base your diet (or your ethical conclusions on the way you live) based on what you see/perceive other people doing, well, you can use that excuse, but it probably won't carry too, too far.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2008 05:51PM by Utopian Life.

For my part, I DATE people BECAUSE they are different from me! LOL. My only concern is that they are living THEIR dreams. If the tools to THIER dreams and passionates are 'unhealthy' practices....that's just MY judgment....and I default to supporting what THEY think are good practices.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

We can't help who we love, we can't. Its a relfection of our higher selves. Or highest self. My ideal man is more of an industrialist producer business professional. Like Eli Stone, or Dr. Jack on Lost. Maybe they are a raw foodists, who knows..

Quote

I have experienced talking to a meat eater who would have liked to change my veganism, so don't forget that it goes both ways.

Absolutely! From my experience, it usually is the vegetarian trying to convert the meat eater and they can get pretty vocal and dramatic about it. I understand passion. I'm just saying that that's not the way to go about it. The problem with meat eaters is that they like to "scare" vegetarians/vegans with their meat. I've seen people fling a bite of steak at someone or hold the fork up to the person's mouth and taunt them. I just don't understand this behavior. In my mind I'm thinking, "What are you? Twelve?"

If either person in a relationship is trying to change the other one, what are they dating them for in the first place? There's no such thing as a perfect person. Everyone people find to date is going to have flaws and issues that don't mix with ours.

I'm pretty in line with David on this. If you're dating someone, you should love and support them. Be on their side as much as possible. Encourage them. Who wants to be around a nag or a controller?

Here's my philosophy on dating: Too many people are worried about trying to find the right person when they should be more concerned about becoming the right person. Think about who it is you would like to spend the rest of your life with. What are they like? Now, are the type of person that person is going to be attracted to? If not, what are you willing to do to become more like that person? I'm not saying to change yourself to please someone else, but what things are you willing, or want to, change about yourself in order to be more of what your ideal person is looking for?

Edited to add: Regarding becoming the right person... I didn't mean to infer that a person should change themselves to suit someone else. I didn't explain that well. What I meant was this: Ask yourself some questions. Are you the person you would like to be? Do you want to me more honest? Operate in more integrity? Lose weight? Get rid of emotional baggage? Be more supportive of people instead of critical? Do you want to be more knowledgable about a subject? Get your college degree? Be more involved in your community?

If you're not the person you want to be, what are you willing to change about yourself, or your life, to become more like who you want to be? What are you willing to do/sacrifice to accomplish those changes? The level of committment you show in making those changes shows how important it is to you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2008 08:19PM by Simple Living.

I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years, we have lived together for about 4 of those years. He is as SAD as it gets and I have always been looking for "what's healthy". He has always eaten meat, I have always been veggie. I cook for him everyday and always have done and I simply prepare two different meals. It can be a pain, but at the end of the day I do not want to eat what he eats and he does not want to eat what I eat, so it has to be that way. I cook simply so I wouldn't say I spend longer in the kitchen; generally I can prepare my dinner while his is cooking.

Yes, I would love my partner to eat more healthily, but it's not his way at the moment. I couldn't say I don't love him anymore just because he prefers different food! There has to be more to our relationship than the food we like. Ok, he does smell bad the morning after a huge amount of beer and meat/junk foods lol...but like someone else (can't remember who!) wrote above, am I perfect??? He never criticises me and supports me in everything, so I do not want to criticise him for his preferences.


Claire

My boyfriend is the one who introduced me to the Raw lifestyle (even though he wasn't raw at the time). At first, I thought it was weird, but I respected his choices. He tried to get me to drink "green drinks" with him in the mornings, but I usually refused. One day, while looking for something to read in the bathroom, I grabbed his raw book by Brenda Cobb. I started raw the very next day! Now, I'm more into it then he is!

I guess in some cases, you can convert potential partners!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2008 08:58PM by Leesah.

> He never criticises me and supports me
> in everything, so I do not want to criticise him
> for his preferences.

bravo, claire!

On the other hand I say that I would be accepting, but when I quit smoking I badgered my husband nonstop until he did. I don't know if I could handle him eating a steak in front of me when I'm still struggling to be raw. I'm so glad we decided to do this together. Not that I would be mad at him or anything if he wanted a hamburger, but it sure would be hard for me to resist temptation.
I think if I was successfully raw for a long period of time and dated someone new it wouldn't be hard. But transitioning to raw and dating a meat eater would be rough.

I hear you Brenna. I think it's a natural inclination to want to change behaviors (or offer alternatives) to behaviors that appear to be unconscious. This is understandable and normal. I think, however, that if people are making conscious and voluntary choices - that those need to be respected and supported. What else are loved ones for? LOL....or 'dating ones...'.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

I really don't get why people have been ranting in this thread about trying to change someone. I think we were asked about our dating preferences, would we date a SAD eater or an omnivore. What that has to do with some people having issues with trying to change their significant other....? I don't get the connection. Would you date a cooked food eater, an omnivore, or not? I'm glad people are getting their rants off their chest, but I'm guessing the OP wanted an answer to the question, not to offer counseling and pyschology services/listening services. ;p

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

I suppose i would prefer someone who is on a similar health/lifestyle path as me, but you never know what the universe has in store. I do know that I could date a SAD eater, whereas I don't think I could date a conservative pro-war republican... some differences are just too much for me. Luckily it seems most raw folks are also pro-peace!

of course this is all in the theoretical realm for me, as I haven't gone on an official "date" since being raw. So who knows?

Aloha Nui Loa,

Greg

A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. - William James

There is no pill that can be swallowed,
There is no guru, that can be followed, - Michael Franti (Pray For Grace)

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. - Albert Camus