Some monks in a monastery took a vow of silence. They could only speak two words every ten years. At the end of the first ten years one of them said to the head monk, "Food bad".
At the end of the second ten years he said, "Bed hard".
At the end of the third ten years he said, "I quit".
The head monk said, "I'm not surprised. All you've done is complain since you got here".



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2009 11:36PM by brian1cs.

i thought it was funny

and brian .. hahahahha !

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

lol..Jgunn

food bad
bed hard
i quit

shoot, that's hysterical! gotta tell that one to my friends.

ver, i'm glad you got it. now pass it along! it's funny when you tell it, the looks on people's faces as they do or don't figure it out. ha!

“Is there anything wrong?” asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink.
“Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars” said the man.
“That doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the bartender. “It should happen to me.”
“Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars.”
“So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?” Asked the bartender.
“This month – so far – not a cent.”

brian1cs,

I must be slow--can you explain that one to me?? thanks!

ohhh I think I get it...like, he's waiting for the next person to die because he thinks he's on a roll?

yeah,musicbebe, he wants his relatives to die off so he could get more money.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/04/2009 09:26AM by brian1cs.

lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

.................A guy gets sent to prison and during his first night there he hears the inmates shouting at each other from cell to cell. One guy will yell out, “47!” and the whole block breaks up into uproarious laughter. Another guy yells, “23!” and again the whole block busts out laughing. The new inmate turns to his cell mate and asks what this is all about. The cell mate explains that the block is full of old timers. They’ve heard the same jokes so many times they’ve just given them numbers. The new inmate decides he wants to give it a try, so he yells out, “17!” Nobody laughs. His cell mate says, “Well, some guys know how to tell a joke and some guys don’t.”
This is not as funny now as it was when I first read it.....WY

lol its funny

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later): Loneliness!
And the audience laughed for another 10 to 15 minutes.


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years..
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A.. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

hahah ! those are great i loved that game show it was always a huge laugh

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Another to keep you smiling

A Department of Water Resources representative stope at a Longreach farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your water Allocation'. The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go into that field over there'. The Government representative says, 'Mate, I have the authority of the Government with me. You see this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land... No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear?'.

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his work. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life with the farmers bull close behind. The bull is gaining with every step and the Rep is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... 'Your card! Show him Your card!'.

hahaha!... good one, Lightform

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

I remember taking Dance Lessons when I was a young teenager. One of my dance partners was an overweight girl about my age. My mother told me to say something nice to her when we had finished the dance. "For a fat girl, you don't sweat very much"...was all I could come up with.....WY

omg Yogi lol

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

Here's a joke that is meant to be heard instead of read. (I am infamous for not telling jokes well, so why not expand my notoriety to the internet?) Here goes...

A piece of rope goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "I can't serve you. You are just a piece of rope." The rope goes outside and wriggles and turns and flops over until one end is over its middle making a loop and the other end slips through the loop. Then it stretches both ends apart until it is taut. Next it rubs each of its ends back and forth on a rough surface until they are both really fuzzy. After a while it goes back inside the bar and orders another drink.
The bartender looks at it skeptically and says, "Hey, aren't you that piece of rope I kicked out earlier?" The rope says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."


My favorite raw vegan

LOL!! Had a great laugh over both jokes.

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't
Seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'

Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'


Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'


'Bartender ' What about that eye patch?


'Pirate,' Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them @#$%& in my eye.'

'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from bird @#$%&.'

Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist

here's one little made up when he was only 5, pretty darn funny considering...



q - why did the rubber chicken cross the road?

a - to get to the rubber side!



ok, so not that funny but great to tell to kids, they all love it.

Policeman: "Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?"

Pedestrian: "No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!"

Policeman: "How can you be so certain?"

Pedestrian: "I’d recognize that laugh anywhere!"

A chicken went into a library, walked up to the librarian and said, "Book! Book!" The librarian was so surprised that she gave it two books and watched it place a book under each wing and leave the library. Just a few minutes later it came back, dropped the books in the return bin, walked up to the librarian and said, "Book! Book!" Again, the librarian gave it two books and watched it leave. Like before, just a few minutes later it came back, dropped the books in the return bin, walked up to the librarian and said, "Book! Book!"

Well, this went on for several more times before the librarian's curiosity was piqued. "How could this chicken be reading two books so fast?" she wondered. "I'm going to follow that chicken." So, the next time it came in, she followed it out the door, down the steps, across the road, and over to a pond where there was a big frog waiting on a lily pad. As the chicken showed the frog first one book and then the other, the frog said, "Read it. Read it."


My favorite raw vegan

LOL! ;-p

Sharrhan:


[www.facebook.com]