...negative comments you receive about eating raw?

One of my close friends supports me in wanting to go back to eating raw (I stopped for a while after I had my son). She knows I won't be going 100% right now because I'm pregnant and I just worry about nutrients during this time, I'd rather not risk anything...if that makes sense. She has always been supportive of it, maybe because I convinced her with some yummy raw desserts lol. But other than her, I don't just get neutral reactions but very very negative ones. I try to really just not talk about it much and just act on what I want to do, but sometimes I just don't even begin to know how to handle when I get negative comments.

For instance, about a week ago I had a lunch of just apples. The "friend" I was staying with just couldn't stop with the negative comments. I tried everything...ignoring, educating, or just saying "Why don't we agree to disagree" and I kept feeling berated.

Has this happened to anyone here, and if so how did you personally handle it? Most of my friends and family already think I'm a bit "off" since I'm into natural living (and they aren't) and because I recently came out of the closet after my husband and I separated. But when I try to explain raw foods (when they ask) I feel like I'm adding wood to the fire.

Hope that all made sense and that my question got across, I'm kind of tired haha.

I have a very supportive family,so I dont get subjected to this.And anyone who does have something negative to say,I tell them to watch the movie "Supersize Me".
Thats the one where a guy ate nothing but McDonalds for a month and almost totally ruined his health.
Brian

I've gotten something similar, especially because I'm pregnant as well and people preface their rude comments with concern that I'm not eating right for the baby. I start off nice but I have been rude back if needed. Most conversations end with "Me and my doctor are both very happy with what I eat, so please drop this issue because I do not want to fight with you." I do a lot of "I appreciate your concern" and "why are you concerned with what I eat, I don't think it affects you" when people are persistent. I did tell a particularly rude individual to flat out shutup, although I try to avoid that kind of negative interaction when possible.
You have to be super firm with people, just make it clear that you find it completely unnacceptable for them to criticize your diet in any way. I had a very heated discussion with a friend who eats SAD at one point and ended up telling him that I think eating meat is incredibly wrong and unhealthy but I'm willing to keep my mouth shut if he does the same. I could easily be negative and just throw a constant stream of rude comments his way when I see him eating a hamburger with a side of twinkies and a coke but I don't, so I asked him to have the consideration to do the same for me.

Also with pregnancy it's really easy to say that apples for example are the only things that don't make you nauseous. That shuts people up right away. "Oh I can't eat that, just the smell makes me feel queasy" lol...that's worked like a charm for me. My mother in law is cooking a huge ham for easter and wants me to eat it and I told her there was no way I could do that because it would make me sick. She didn't ask any more questions, it was great.

What I do when there are visitors or when we are visiting others: I fast ! I am definitely not going to invite negative remarks or whatever, because I know that others don't understand the way we are eating. I eat enough when I am alone, either before or after, whatever I feel like, and that way there are no problems!

Greenpower

Visit my website and my blog!

[www.natureshealingsecrets.com] (closed on Sundays)

I am very compassionate. What I mean is: I don't expect people doing the 'wrong' thing to understand what I am doing....or appreciate it...or accomodate it....or feed me. They way I figure it...it is MY job to display joy, grace, success and support THEM. What THEY say (or do) has little bearing on this. Do you follow? I CHOOSE to be a friend and supportive before I ever hear a word out of their mouth. That is what I do. That is MY FOCUS. Negative behavior incites me to do one thing and one thing only: ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES. Let me explain:

-Although my friends and family are VERY supportive - they do this because I am very happy - and make it clear that I do not require their approval....and that if they 'bust my chops' (althogh a good sense of humor goes a long way! ha! ha!) then I don't HAVE to be around them - you know? I can take a walk (or drive a car! LOL). I'm there because I love them and want to support what THEY do - but if that love is not returned.....I'm not insulted...I just let me feet do the walkin. It's hard to have an argument with a guy that's not there! Ha! ha!

-Your decisions regarding your diet, sex life, politics and religion are all very private....and not open for ANY discussion unless YOU enable it. I urge you to not do so unless the person is genuinely curious and supportive of you.

-Just my opinons.

-David Z. Mason

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

Plain and simple - I DON'T handle this... I had such a bad experience with it in the past, especially when I was detoxing ... it just adds insult to injury to have no one support you. So..... I'm not 100% raw, and I don't know if I ever will be. Right now I am just focusing on what I CAN DO WELL, which is breakfast and my meals overnight (working graveyards, alone). Usually when we go out as a family there is something salad-oriented on the menu, but going over to someone's house is tough when all they have is some cheese/bread/pop/chip/hotdog sort of meal.


Me (30), Joseph (24 mo.) Jeremiah (4 mo.)

We are enjoying spring and being outside!!!

Have you ever heard of the Mitchell Rosenberg book "Nonviolent Communication"? Its awesome for giving you tools to communicate effectively, set clear boundaries in a compassionate manner, diffuse charged situations, and stay calm when someone is pushing your buttons. [www.nonviolentcommunication.com]

You might (1) communicate to the other person that you are listening to them, and that you appreciate their viewpoint (doesn't mean you agree with it) (2) keep it light and don't get emotionally invested (difficult to do, but can be learned) -- humor works great, but if you're too flippant it can be construed as NOT LISTENING (see number 1, above) and, if required (3) set clear boundaries about what is not open for debate.

Here's how I handle most situations like this: "I hear your concern, and I really appreciate that. I am feeling really good about my choices right now. But if something changes, I'll keep your advice in mind." If pressed, I say "This topic is really not open for discussion. I'm here to spend time with you because I care about you. Let's go have fun!" I like what brenna said about saying "My doctor and I are happy with my dietary choices", since when you're pregnant, people feel its appropriate to defend the unborn from its mother's stupidity all the time!

In my experience, conflict can only exist between two people when both of them are "triggered" -- emotionally charged. When YOU are not triggered by someone, even when they are attacking you, 99.9% of conflicts will fizzle out. That thing your mom used to tell you "it takes two to argue!" really is true. That doesn't mean you have to hang around and get abused, David is right. You can walk away. And as you walk away, you can choose to do so in peace or in anger. Peace is better for you AND your baby.

I don't push the way I eat, but if someone is really pushing me to respond, I will just tell them I can't live that way--when I eat junk I have horrible painful menstrual cramps, acne, not at optimal weight, allergies, etc. I feel so much better eating healthier. Then they will usually leave me alone. And maybe it makes them think--after all, everything I had was the kind of stuff most people have! No, they do not *have* to be normal things! (But I never say the last part. It's none of my business).

the stress they cause during your pregnancy is not helpful for you or the baby. maybe you should tell them that.

If someone sees me eating some plant food like some apples for example and they berate my choices I usually ask them if they have ever had an apple. Then I ask them if they liked the apple. Then I say I like apples and that everyone makes their own choices in life and that we don't all make exactly the same choices. If they bring it up again I repeat it until they get it.

When I go out to eat with friends at restaurants or their homes, I always bring my own food. I get asked tons of questions and always get comments about how the "person" could never eat like that etc.. But by the time I get finished educating them on the reasons that they and most Americans are: sick, pill dependent, tired, cranky, no energy, overweight, bad skin, full of diseases and having many health problems, etc... their ears kinda pipe up, because all of them have some form of one or more of those things going on in their lives. Once they realize that a change in their eating habits can fix all of that, they quiet down. A quick health lesson in a loving a friendly manner goes a LONG way.

This brings me back to when I was a vegetarian, there was something about "raw people" that always bothered me. I could never enjoy my cooked food around them for some reason and they were always smiling, glowing and running around with bursts of energy.

I agree with all of the comments about staying grounded in a loving, compassionate place when encountering naysayers and particularly, the very individuals who would benefit the most in their understanding of the raw food lifestyle. I've found when some people come in direct contact with me and my food, they tend to react from a generally subconscious level. I believe on a very innate level we all know what works best for our individual bodies. Even those who are abusing their bodies know this on some level. So when your highly vibrating, happy self encounters someone who is not doing so well physically (or in other areas of their life), they react positively or negatively. Either they will be intrigued initially and the sun will begin to shine or you will scare the living bejeezus out of them. It is not fun to experience this frightened individual in person and their many forms of verbal expression...jealousy, guilt, resentment, envy, anger, frustration, self-judgement, confusion, physical and emotional pain projected onto you. Over time you will find more compassion in your heart and neutrality when responding to them once you understand what's really going on under the surface. They see the truth staring them right in their face. You.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2008 07:16AM by rawangel.

Rawangel, awesomely said.

Maybe not the best approach but I lied to my mother about it. She comes to visit only twice a year. A few years ago she watched me go through hell with arthritis. After researching vegan and raw diets I decided that I had nothing to lose by trying. The next time she came to visit she noticed how much better I was but was really concerned about my food choices. I told her that my doctor told me to cut out all meat, dairy and processed foods and to eat predominantly fruits, vegetables, some nuts and seeds. This she accepted wholeheartedly because the doctor must be right. It keeps the relationship smooth and I am sure it has saved me a lot of hassle. And I've been arthritis free for quite some time.

In my day to day life I don't usually have too many problems. The folks at work eat pretty healthy so its no big deal. They just worry if I start dropping too much weight.

laugh,ignore it, walk away, continue doing what ever I was doing at the time

elnatural

Continue on your path to your journey's goals. Walk your path and let others walk theirs.

It's a pain isn't it.
I did a 10k race the other day and felt just brilliant throughout and afterwards. Later I prepared myself a huge yummy salad - my sister in law took one look and said 'Is that all you are going to eat after all that exercise' I looked at her plate and it was groaning with white pasta topped with pesto from a jar. I just said somewhat wearily 'This is what I feel like eating' she just laughed and said 'How odd'.

it's strange isn't it when you think people are intelligent and educated about food and yet they still question a raw diet. I've come to realise that being vegan is a breeze socially compared to being raw.

my partner who eats Sad is completely supportive though and can see how much good eating raw does me so he encourages me and helps to shield me from other people.

just keep your truth
Philippa

klandestine Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Maybe not the best approach but I lied to my
> mother about it. She comes to visit only twice a
> year. A few years ago she watched me go through
> hell with arthritis. After researching vegan and
> raw diets I decided that I had nothing to lose by
> trying. The next time she came to visit she
> noticed how much better I was but was really
> concerned about my food choices. I told her that
> my doctor told me to cut out all meat, dairy and
> processed foods and to eat predominantly fruits,
> vegetables, some nuts and seeds. This she
> accepted wholeheartedly because the doctor must be
> right. It keeps the relationship smooth and I am
> sure it has saved me a lot of hassle. And I've
> been arthritis free for quite some time.
>


ahem, i hereby proclaim myself to be a doctor (of crafty wonderfulness but you don't have to specify) and i am advising all to cut out meat, dairy, and processed foods and to opt for fresh, raw fruits and veggies with nuts and seeds, sprouts and fresh juices as a course to improved health.

there, now you all have something to tell people that is not a lie.

or better yet, think of yourself as your own doctor and when you say that "your doctor told you to", you will be speaking the absolute truth. i like that one best of all.

when people say idiotic things to me i just laugh. most of them are living such an unhealthy lifestyle, what do they know? as if i would take advice from them. ha!
i suppose i feel quite strongly about my beliefs, i have challenged the ideas and researched them until i feel that they are proven. how can i be swayed from that by anything less than stronger proof to refute what i know to be true? it just doesn't make a difference to me what someone else's opinion is unless they have read up and know what they are talking about. everyone has an opinion, most of them are based on nothing much. like water off a duck's back. i thank them for their concern and go about my merry way.

you should have heard the flack people tried to give my about giving birth to my children the way i wanted to (unassisted). my response was the same to all, "thank you so much for caring about me and wanting what's best for me. please trust me that i have done my research and know what i am doing. i would only do things that are good for me and you know that so have faith. all is well."
it may not have reassured people entirely but it certainly took responsibilty away from them and gave it back to me. that's enough.

Confabulation (from dictionary.com):
2. Psychiatry. the replacement of a gap in a person's memory by a falsification that he or she believes to be true.

^^This is what tends to happen with a lot of people, if, god forbid, you attempt to rationalize what you are doing.

I used to hate saying "my doctor told me to" because it is a lie, and I have no doctor--no doctor but myself, which is a nice twist to the statement. I like that more now.

Peacefully thank them for their concern, however misguided, and diffuse the situation if they persist.

I love your confidence Coco. Your post has given me some strength - thank you
Philippa

I don't often find myself getting ticked that often anymore.

You can't convert people. Just accept the good parts of them and don't dwell on the rest.

My favorite way to disagree with someone is to be totally agreeable. (it's a trick I learned from my husband. It's nearly impossible to pick a fight with him, he's a genius!)

So if someone was picking on me for eating apples for lunch, it might go like this:

Person: Ewww, you eating nothing but apples for lunch?? (very disapproving voice)

Me: I KNOW!! Isn't is surprising? If you would have told me not so long ago that I would do this, and even ENJOY this, I would have never believed you!! (totally oblivious to negative tone)

Person: Oh, that would never satisfy me.

Me: Yes, it is a change when you eat only fresh, but now I am used to it, and it is really very pleasant.

Person: What about your protein??

Me: I used to worry about that too, but I am very careful, I do think about it. I monitor myself very closely for deficiencies, don't worry.

Person: Well, that must be very deficient in nutrients - there's no variety, it's just not balanced.

Me: Yes, I am sure I will need to eat something other than apples for my next meal, but it will all work out. By the way, I am glad to see you have chosen whole grain bread for your sandwich, it's good that you are making healthier choices. (and let's face it, for a SAD, that actually is a healthier choice)

Person: Yes, I do take care to make good choices.

Me: That's great!

- I can't think what other criticisms might come up....

( I might also mention the amount of time saved - I can't think of an easier lunch to prepare than a bunch of apples - raw or otherwise!) In fact, I feel like having an apple right now - see you later!

Sapphire

Ha! Ha! That sounds like a very sensible approach....and gives far more air time to criticism than I would give! Heh..heh.

-David Z. Mason

WWW.RawFoodFarm.com

LadyKhazam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...negative comments you receive about eating
> raw?

Every Raw Foodist I know has to announce to
the World that they're Raw. I say keep it under wraps....Shhh....
Mums the Word.
"The commonest thing is delightful if only one hides it.".....Oscar Wilde

Handling the negative responses from others can be very difficult and alienating.

Recently, however, I received an email from a friend (who had previously given me grief) who converted to the raw lifestyle. Her husband is also converting with her.

Whenever others' negative responses start to weigh down on me, I remember how I felt when I read that email. If my example can help others (even if only 2), then I guess I can live with all the negativity. Even though I wish more people could be understanding.

I must have a "don't mess with me" feel with people because I don't get made fun of or berated. I have had discussions about food with people, but no arguments or anything where I felt insulted. If someone starts asking me nutrient questions, I give them the info, not the other way around.

[utopiankitchen.wordpress.com]

>
> Person: Ewww, you eating nothing but apples for
> lunch?? (very disapproving voice)
>
> Me: I KNOW!! Isn't is surprising? If you would
> have told me not so long ago that I would do this,
> and even ENJOY this, I would have never believed
> you!! (totally oblivious to negative tone)

This is great, and true--I never could have imagined just the simple changes of going vegan, and giving up cheese just ten years ago. *I* would have said "no way!" Voicing this also shows how much deep change is possible in a person, and that you DO see where they are coming from.

I use the following elements:

1. Don't get triggered. Some people love to argue, or have a vested interest in invalidating behaviours that they either don't like, or feel threatened by. Or, sometimes people are curious but express it poorly. I find not taking apparently aggressive interactions as an attack on me personally is half the battle.

2. Be compassionate. Some people go on the attack because they KNOW they're unhealthy but don't want to face it, OR they perceive radically-healthy lifestyles as an automatic attack on THEM. Many SAD eaters have been invalidated and attacked by vegetarians of different stripes, and they may have their own baggage regarding eschewing animal foods etc. Also, many people's own self-worth is tied to their food preparation (food=love), so that can make eating raw seem like a rejection.

3. Don't try to argue for an ideology. People love to argue (as above), and frankly, some people pick on others' belief systems in order to justify themselves, feel smarter, gain a point in a social situation, or for other reasons. You might find yourself in a debate with someone who can refute every one of your health or environmental or compassionate reasons to eat the way you do, but you'll never meet someone who can invalidate your feelings. Just shrug and say, "I eat what I feel like eating, and I don't eat what I don't feel like eating."

4. The snappy comeback (AKA What Would Edmund Blackadder Say, or in other words, What Would Any Dry-Humoured British Comedian Say). Snappy comebacks can range from the dim-witted: "Oh wow, I guess I AM a vegetarian!!" to the irritatingly agreeable: "Yes, that is correct. I'm eating a watermelon for lunch." to the sarcastic: "I don't know, what AM I missing?" to the acerbic: "Well you probably ate worms until age 8, do you miss THAT?" to the downright rude: "My dog eats human feces. What do you think of that?"

Do you blog? Add your blog to the thread on blogging: [www.rawfoodsupport.com]!!

I LOVE LOVE and LOVE (still forever!!!) Mother Teresa. She is/was a real humanitarian person.Every time that I have a problem with anybody or anything I read her words.

(for you LadyKhazam and everyone that has any of those problems)

[www.ecrealty.net]

cy, i got to HUG mother teresa when i attended a catholic summer camp at age 15. my grandparents sent me, and at the time i was actively rejecting my religious upbringing and couldn't have cared less to be there except i was getting away from my pain-in-the-butt little brothers and meeting all sorts of interesting big city girls who drank and smoked and had sex with their boyfriends, all stuff i was not yet doing. however, on the day of the assembly with mother teresa, my carefully cultivated teenage "i don't give a damn-ism" went out the window. i was absolutely riveted by that beautiful, holy, teeny-tiny lady, and when she hugged me (i'm 5'10" and had to bend waaaay over) and said "bless you child" i was in ecstasy. amazing!

(also, i might add, NOT RAW, for all those who assert you must be to attain a either a state of grace or attractiveness. hello.)