I'm excited about getting into regular exercise again, i.e. (mainly) walking...it's something I love to do, and one of the few times that I feel most alive. When that's part of my regular routine, it's easier for me to incorporate other things, like weight work and yoga. I've been battling lethargy and a serious lack of motivation for the past few months, as well as feeling so beat after my work day that all I was up for was crashing on to the bed and zoning out; my insomnia hasn't helped matters much,either - what a sad state of affairs!

My appetite has been AWOL for the past week or so...I honestly haven't much of a desire for anything at all, and am mainly eating - more like TRYING to eat - because I'm supposed to, and eating much less than I even normally do. I kinda forced myself to eat some greens today, but, truth be told, I would rather not see anything green on or near my plate right now, and even eating fruit seems to be a struggle...I am not worried per se but I am somewhat concerned...Maybe I should mono eat for a day or two???

Nope, I'm not depressed or anything...well, I guess you can say that my appetite's depressed!

Here's my check-in for the day:

- 15 mandarins
- smoothie of 3 giant bananas and 1 cup raspberries...delish!
- 2 cups kale and half an avocado (MUCH less than my usual 4+ cups, and even this little bit I forced - I am NOT in any mood for greens!!!)
- a few pistachios
- 2 small sweet potatoes(again, kinda forced; I think I'd have been happy with two bites, actually)

... and I feel overstuffed and truly blah at the moment. I don't understand it. Maybe I should ask my body what it wants / needs right now, because I am at an almost total loss...

Had some alone time today so I spent a large amount of it reading through some of the older threads on the board; I like doing this because I discover a lot of helpful information that I otherwise might not have. I like having a lot of information so that I can make my own decisions on what I want to try / what might make sense for me.

It really helped for me to do this today because I was having a lot of conflicting thoughts, and now I have some clarity and focus again! I am really appreciative of this site and all of the wonderful people here who take the time to share their knowlegde and experiences...

Well, today had 2 fruit smoothies (mid-morning, and afternoon) to try to get a little more fruit into me... in all 6 big bananas, two cups mixed berries and a cup of fresh pineapple chopped up this morning...yummmmm!!!)
- juice of 2 grapefruit and 5 oranges
- some red grapes
- 10 mandarins
- 2 cups kale and an avocado

Hope all is well with you ladies, and I hope to see you back here soon!

Have a great night!

Hi Soraya! Sorry you've been alone on here for the past few days...I was in Vietnam since I had a long weekend off from work.

My trip was great and Hanoi, Vietnam is actually an excellent place for a raw foodist - believe it or not! Every menu I looked at offered fresh fruit juices and fruit plates, and I also found a great vegetarian restaurant with smoothies and salads. So I ate a fair amount of raw but I had to indulge a bit in authentic Vietnamese food - (think fresh water spinach sauteed with garlic and mushrooms, and vegan rice noodle soup - oh how I love Asian food...), anyway, overall I feel pretty good about the balance.

Tonight on the other hand I wayyyy overindulged in bread, not raw hummus, and avocado. Definitely not the worst thing I could have eaten but I wish I could have listened to my body - it was practically screaming "I'm full!" but my anxiety/loneliness made me turn to food again - unfortunately this aspect of my ED has not completely gone away, although I am MUCH better now (and not lonely too much either, I'd say tonight was more of an anomaly than a regular event...)

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to try listening to my body again, and forgetting about what I ate tonight. If I'm hungry when I wake up I'll eat! If I'm not hungry until 5pm I'll eat then - I have to trust my body...

I am glad to hear that you have regained clarity and focus...is there anything in particular you read on the site that helped you?

Amy, you're travelling to a lot of places I'd love to experience one day - I'm living vicariously through you! It sounds like you had a fantastic time in Vietnam; you must have been so happy to have such ready access to raw food. Like you as well, I love(d) Asian food, and one of my favourite cooked food memories was of an exquisite dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant here in NY...

I have to smile because bread has always spelled trouble for me; when I would have bread (gluten free!) or anything else starchy, I overate like crazy. It's like a switch turns on and I can't get it off again for anything...But today is a brand new day and you get to start all over again. Glad to hear that your anxiety/loneliness has decreased a lot; those are still issues for me!

Generally speaking just reading most of the posts helps me: I see that I'm not the only one who has questions or is maybe struggling in particular areas, and many people post links to other sites, articles or blogs that are very interesting and (may) provide new insights for me. The one specific one that helped me the most yesterday was the "80/10/10 question" on the Discussion forum; in it there is a link to an old posting of 11 pages of users discussing the plan, sharing their experiences and details of their daily 'menus'. It really opened my eyes up to the variety/ amounts of food others eat, and gave me a better handle on what may work best for me...got a few ideas I could use, even if I don't eventually eat that way (but I think I will...it feels intuitively right to me somehow). There's also a link to one users blog, in which she gave some tips in dealing with / responding to critics that so resonated with me, I printed a copy of it and stuck it onto one of my bedroom mirrors! I'm going to go there again after posting this to go through some of her older stuff...she's very inspiring, and it helps so much to find all you guys who are on the same path I am (tho we all have our own approach). I don't know any raw foodists in real life, so you (all) are the only support I have!

Toady I had a little more of an urge to eat than I have in a long time...here's my list:

- juice and pulp of 1 grapefruit and 4 oranges
- smoothie of 4 nanas, cup mixed berries and 1/2 cup pineapple
- 2 more nanas
- 1 large romaine heart, 3 carrots, an avocado and half red bell pepper (which was actually sweet for a change!)

- will prob. go now for another smoothie - same as above. Don't normally do fruit as last meal but am salivating for it lately.

I am realising more and more that I need to increase -vastly - the amount of fruit I'm eating, especially as it warms up and I get more active. I just wish it were easier for me to get really large amounts of food at a time...guess I'll have to get more creative...!

Okay...that fruit is sreaming my name right now, so I'm going to run answer the call. Great to hear/ see you, Amy, and hope to do the same with the other ladies soon! Have a great day/night!

Hi Ladies:
Just wanted to say a quick hello and tell you that I am thinking about you.
I am still doing SBD, and I feel great!!
Thanks so much for all of your support over the months. I wish you the best and will check in periodically.
Best,
Becky

Amy and Danielle, hope you're doing well!

Becky,great to hear from you, and glad that you are feeling so good! I always wonder how you are and how you're doing, so thank you for your quick hellos...

I'm in a more positive frame of mind now than I've been for a very long time...will write more when I have some free time later...

Another beautiful day outside; I took full advantage of it and have gone for two short walks quick walks so far today, as well as a quick trip to the market for oranges and bananas (one bag each, one on each shoulder, walking home from the bus - now THAT'S resistance training for you!)...

I've decided to refocus on my diet but with baby steps towards a definite direction; I think I may end up in the 80/10/10 arena but I'm going to take my time with it - step one, incease my fruit consumption. I've also begun craving oranges (orange juice) like crazy all of a sudden, and have begun eating apples, which is MAJOR for me because I do NOT like apples - until now, I guess! I could say the same for tomatoes and cauliflower too...if you'd told me a few months ago that I'd be eating those items at all, far less raw, I'd have not so politely asked you what the heck you were smoking...

I woke up this morning with oranges and bananas on the brain, and so made a beeline to the market where I picked up 20 Mineolas - I'd never had them before but that's the kind my body led me to - and about 4 bunches of bananas, as well as some watermelon and cute baby cukes. Juiced some Mineolas and two Navels as a reward after my second walk and arrived in heaven - I have never EVER tasted orange juice that was SOOOOOO good... yummmmmnnn... And can you believe that I can't drink "regular" (carton / bottled) orange juice??? Wayyyyy too acidic for my tastes - messes up my stomach!

Here's my check in for the past two days:

3rd: water
- Juice & pulp of 7 Navel oranges
- smoothie of 4 nanas, cup mixed berries and 1/2 cup mango
- 2 Fuji apples (ate one, waited 20 mins,ate the other one)
- 1 nana
- Juice & pulp of 5 Navels, 1 grapefruit
- @ 4 cups kale, 1/2 avocado, 6 cherry tomatoes

4th: water
- Juice & pulp of 5 Navels and 1 grapefruit
- 3 large nanas
- smoothie of 2 nanas, cup mixed berries and pineapple core pieces (yummmnn!)
- 2 Fuji apples
- 2 cups cauliflower
- smoothie 4 large nanas, 2 cups mixed berries and pineapple core pieces (super yummmnnn!)

- some cashews

And so far today:

- water
- Juice & pulp of 5 Navels and 1 grapefruit
- Juice of 4 Mineolas and 2 Navels (Oh. My. God. Ambrosia!!! I could live on this for a few days!!!)
- Smoothie of 5 nanas and 1 1/2 cups of mixed berries - heavy on the strawbwerries

- near future...I'm getting a hankering for more Mineolas; I wish I could have picked up 20 more! I'll probably juice 5-7 of them when I get up from here...

It's funny - I am feeling a little spacey from all the fruit right now but still have so much energy, too... I just might grab the dog and go walking again!

I've realized as well that I need to keep my focus on all that I have managed to achieve so far and how great I'm feeling,as opposed to how I "messed up", or how I'm doing compared to other people, or how I'm criticised,etc...I am exactly where I need to be right now, and I feel the best and most at peace than I have in months, and that's what matters most!

I hope you ladies are well and are out enjoying the day!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2008 08:49PM by Soraya.

LOL...I just saw my "strawbWerries" at end of previous post...too funny!

As promised, I juiced 5 Mineolas as soon as I left the computer. Next time I go to the store I'm getting at least one bagfull of these babies - that should be at least 20-30 - in a day or two.

After my juice - ahhhhh - I had one cuke, 6 large cherry tomatoes and half an avo as a salad. And then...

...I had a feeling I'd not had before; total satiety. I wasn't stuffed as I've been on occasion when I felt like something was still missing and I'd force myself to eat more; it was like all the cells in my body were completely satisfied, and my entire body hummmmmmmed. WHOA. Pretty cool - I like that feeling,and I want more of it!!!

I tell you, when you're in tune with your body (more),you'll realise that it doesn't lie. The past two/three days of my incorporating more juice / fruit have produced the most productive BMs that I've had in a couple months! I guess my body declared it's own Spring Cleaning time, and boy am I enjoying helping out...lol...

I'm taking it very easy today; I slept in a bit and am planning more bed time when I finish here...with a book at first, and then we'll see where it goes! I particularly feel very sleepy per se, just like resting.

My food so far today is:

_ water
- juice and pulp of 5 Mineolas and 1 grapefruit
- smoothie of 6 small nanas & cup and half mixed berries
- going to juice 5 Mineolas and grapefruit again...my idea of heaven!!!

Finally back, and I'm still in my LUSTLOVE realtionship with Mineolas! The last two trips I've taken to the market have been just to get more of those deep orange, juicy beauties, 24 - 30 at a time (that's all I can carry...drat!)...

Sometimes I wonder what the cashiers are thinking when I'm loading bags of oranges (or bananas) for them to check...

I almost had a heart attack yesterday when I went to get my oranges, and....THEY WERE'NT THERE!!!! I honestly stopped breathing and started to panic right there and then...turns out that they moved my babies inside (they were usually on the outside), and I have never been so relieved...LOL...my hands were shaking as I was filling bag after bag with the sweet goodness...

I can't believe how much I'm craving this juice...when I'm cutting the oranges to juice them I'm actually quivering inside! If I don't drink at least 32 oz a day( I know...that wouldn't be much to some people, but that would be how much I'd drink - of the carton stuff - in 2 YEARS prior to this), I don't feel satiated at all, and feel like I'm missing something...

I tried to edit my former post but it didn't happen!

What I meant to say previously was that if I don't have at least 64 oz a day of oj, I feel weird - like I'm missing my "high" or something...like all my nutritional gaps are'nt full...

My main, consistant meals lately are orange juice and fruit smoothies - with at least 4-5 bananas and mixed berries as the base; my tendency is towards light eating right now, for whatever reason. I'm curious to see how this all turns out. It seems that eating more fruit definitely squashes any weird cravings for me; even if one tries to surface, it's immediately countered by the colors, tastes and textures of yummy fruity deliciousness...

Sometimes I've struggled during this process but the more consistantly I eat this way, the more I'm at peace that this is where I should be, and that I can (do) / am committed to this way of life...one more reason why I smile when I think of the title of this blog!!!

Such a beautiful day...and I can actually feel the heat of the sun! I made sure to sit outside during my lunch break and let my skin have a good drink; must make it a priority to have a good period of sun exposure every day...

I have been mainly juicing today - what the body wants, gosh darn it, it's gonna get - so I had three 27 oz servings of Mineola juice in the space of 2 1/2hrs this morning; only after the third did I feel satisfied. I was guzzling the stuff like I was having the first drink of water after being stranded in the desert for days!!! I'm glad no one was around to see me - they would have asked me what the heck was wrong with me!

A bit later I was feeling an urge for nanas, so I made a huge 60 oz smoothie (not on purpose, it just worked out that way) of 6 nanas and some pineapple slices, inclusive of the core... YUMMM! Who needs candy when you have this stuff! It wasn't sweet per se, just immensely satisfying and filling; it hit all the right spots...

For the rest of the day, however, it will be back to oranges. I have some Navels, but it's really the Mineolas that I want to INHALE . I'm down to my last few, so it's off to the market again tomorrow for some more - my third time this week. I don't drive, or else I'd be getting trunk fulls of them. I really wonder how long this orange kick will last for?

Tomorrow will more than likely be an all orange day . I love just even looking at the color of the juice and pulp through the glass...so gorgeous and tantalising. My mouth is salivating just writing about it! Oh, boy...

I'm feeling much more energized and clearer... still stressed out somewhat, but not as negatively minded as I might have been before. Life is honestly good...

**writing this as I'm waiting for my berries to thaw so I can whiz up a nana-berry-pineapple smoothie***

Wouldn't you know it,soon after writing the previous post I found myself in a really emotional state of mind and started craving cheese and potato chips - which boils down to craving salt, and that happens when I "need" to shield myself from extremely painful feelings. I had two options - try to fight the cravings by ignoring or burying what I was feeling, or just ride the wave of deep sadness and despair and see what happened. (NB: giving in was not an option, which is major for me as I have done so at times in the past!)

And even though I was thinking,"Damn it, I'm SO tired of crying, tired of feeling alone, tired of FEELING what I'm feeling...",I chose the latter option.

(I also had a cucumber and avocado salad as my last meal...a little fat to help ground me without bypassing the process of my working through my pain.)

Amazingly, the wave didn't last half as long as it normally would have, AND though the cravings lingered a bit in ghost form, I did not give into temptation...YEA!!!

Just had to share my victory

I'm still on the orange LoveFest; my routine is as much juice as I want in the morning / early afternoon, then I'll have one or two fruit smoothies, then an apple or two / watermelon / non-sweet fruit or green salad, depending on what my fancy is at the time. I also eat a few nuts here and there at the end of the day, but not as often or as much as before...

To my ladies ...you are always in my thoughts and I wish you all the best; hope all is well with you, and I send you love and positive vibes!

***writing this as my body's quietly humming with delight after drinking a wonderful nana-berry-pineapple smoothie...that combination ROCKS!***

It's interesting to notice the transformation in many areas of my life since adopting a raw lifestyle...

For instance, I've always had a diverse and eclectic taste in music, but over the past few months I've increasingly been leaning towards more - and I hate this classification - 'New Age' music, and 'mellow' instrumental stuff. Yesterday I cleared off most of what was previously on my I-pod and loaded more of my favourite (smooth) jazz,guitar,classical, classical/world, and world (primarily Indian, Arabic and Chinese) music on to it. Ahhh...heaven to the ears and soul...

After years of squashing, swallowing,and finally,not being able to access my emotions, they are so on the surface and raw that sometimes I don't know WHAT to do with them, and it's difficult to deal with...BUT, conversely, even after sniffing for a bit last night after a particularly difficult conversation, I realized that I feel better for it, more...honest, and free...sorry, I can't describe it any better. It's practically liberating to be able to express how I am feeling - shoot, to KNOW how I'm feeling; was so 'blocked up' before I could only differentiate between feeling happy and sad...that was it! - and be able to connect with that so much more quickly now, I'm almost happy that this process is under way, uncomfortable and disconcerting as it may be at times...who would've guessed!

After last night's 'drama' as well I noticed that my self-esteem seems to be growing - it's about time!!! - and that I am learning not to take some things as personally as I would have in the past. A few comments were made to me that definitely would have made me feel like I was worth nothing, and I would've descended into the frame of mind that I've been in too many times - feeling pressured to make a dumb / untimely decision because I feel that if I didn't do it, nothing/no-one better would come along because I didn't deserve it and, besides, nothing good happens to me anyway!

Well, that old mindset landed on me for all of a minute, then I found myself thinking; "Wait a minute...why should I beat myself up because he made erroneous assumptions and has held unrealistic expectations regarding myself and what he would like to see happen between us? That's HIS ish, NOT mine! I refuse to feel pressure to do or feel anything I don't want to or is not authentic to who I really am. And, shoot, I deserve someone who is willing to work with me where/as I am because he deems me worthy of such - and I deserve it!" End of feeling upset!

WHOA, Nelly!

I was never able to hit any of those individual notes before, far less reach all of those realizations together... I tell you, 6 months of Raw have done more for me than 6 years of therapy - and I do mean that literally!!!!

I LOVE life...and a few short years ago when I was going through the worst of my suicidal tendencies (which I had from my early teens)I would have said point blank - and I did, actually - NO, I am not happy to be alive; NO, I don't deserve good things happening to/for me, and, who would ever WANT to be my friend or be with me, anyway? For me to leave that point and reach the above is nothing short of miraculous to me, in my book...

(I don't believe I'm actually putting this out there...)

Been doing very well the past few days...actually had the time to sit on Sunday to write a long posting - and then promptly lost it! I wasn't about to sit and type all that out again ;-(

I'm out walking more often as it starts to warm up here more and more; boy do I feel the results! I am going to have a pair of stronger, more supple legs in a flash, especially since all of my favorite routes involve a lot of challenging hills. I'm starting off slowly with 15-30 minute walks,then building up to my customary 1 1/2 hour jaunts (of brisk, fitness walking - not a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood!).

I've taken to mainly eating my beloved Mineolas for the past few days,now; this is major because I am NOT an orange eater. I'll chomp on mandarins, clementines and (sweet) grapefruit, but you couldn't get me to drink orange juice before, far less eat the critters! But, I reasoned, since I like the juice so much, maybe I ought to risk trying to eat just one...?

One swiftly turned into four!

This is great, cuz it actually means that I use my babies up less quickly, and I get to enjoy eating the pith as well instead of throwing it away (when juicing). Fewer market runs!

Quite a few of the market folk are getting quite used to seeing me now; one cashier especially knows just to ask me how many oranges are in each bag as I load them on to the belt. She doesn't even blink at the nana bunches and the other mountains of fruit either, and gets a kick out of my loading up my own bags - no plastic! - to lug my shopping home with the help of public transport (bus). I've gotten a couple of funny remarks from people; "Oh, your family must love oranges!" Uhmmm, no, they're actually all for me! "OH???" I look at other people's carts, and it is really amazing to look at and consider their contents now especially after living this way for a while...knowing how fantastic I feel and what a difference it has made in my life...

Hey Soraya,

I've been typing my posts in my word processor and then copying and pasting them on here because I've more than once lost a post due to a poor internet connection.

I enjoy your postings!

Thank you, Klandestine!

Most of the time I don't think about people actually reading this stuff ...it may be in the back of my mind but I don't dwell on it too much; I might not have kept the blog going if I did!

One of the things I was going to talk about on Sunday was that one of the few physical detox symptoms I got hit with was - can we say it - ACNE! ***Rolls eyes; sighs*** Come ON, man, enough already! So my beautiful,mark-less skin, previously cleared of minor blemishes via chemical means, is now dotted with blemishes and a plethora of dark marks as souvenirs of deceased pimples. Very becoming on a single woman who would LOVE to actually be in a relationship sometime soon, isn't it?

***Deep sigh***

Only...

I'm not as bothered by this as I would've been a few months ago. And it shocks me. I'm okay with it; I don't LIKE it, but I've accepted it. The body's detoxing and I just have to let things flow. I was in denial,too, about the amount of fat in my (raw) diet being a factor; I would read the comments on the main board - especially by Brian who would spout his 811 wisdom (now I actually agree with him as it pertains to my own experience!)- and dismiss them as not being relavent to me...until I stated experimenting with lower fat percentages...

Ouch!

It seems that when I DO eat low-fat, my skin starts to improve after all! But I'm not at the stage where I can just go low-fat at one shot - a sister needs to have her avaocado and some nuts on the same day sometimes!!! ;-0 Rome - or a raw life - was'nt/isn't built in a day - or a year, even - so I'm going to take it slow in order to assure my eventual success. Until then, I may have to put up with having less than ideal skin on my face. And you know...there are worse things to deal with than a few skin imperfections...***shrugs***

On a somewhat different note - I would LOVE to be able to talk with my body to ask it what the heck it needs from these oranges so much. I ate so many today it was ridiculous (for me). I'm feeling the urge now as I type this to go eat a couple more bfore bed tonight, but I'll probably just juice some Navels so digestion will be faster since it's so late.

On the topic of eating...the mainstay of my diet during the fall/winter/now Spring (my first raw months - YEA!!!) has been citrus - oranges mainly, now. Followed closely by bananas, berries,grapes,apples,cantalope, pineapple, watermelon,kale,mixed greens,spinach(not for the past few weeks - can't stomach the taste anymore),romaine,tomatoes,cukes, beets,cauliflower, carrots,sprouts, sprouted beans (lentil,adzuki) and nuts/seeds(cashews,pastachios,pumpkin). The only condiment I use sometimes is celtic sea salt, and I'd like to not use it at all - some day! I have many food allergies, so there are a lot of things that I cannot eat,or won't risk eating,so that cuts down my options somewhat...

Other things I just can't stomach - like pinenuts -YEACCHHH!!! Disgusting...Raw brocolli? I don't think so!

I mainly eat a lot of mono-meals and watch my combinations like a hawk. All my life I've never eaten a whole hodge-podge of stuff - the most food items I'd eat together at a time would be about three, maximum - so mono-ing is totally natural/works best for me...

That's all for now! Oranges - and my bed - are shouting for me...got to go answer the call!

It has been a long, sleep-deprived, stressful and somewhat sad week, but I've made it through, thankfully!

It felt really good to lay out in the sun for the first time yesterday; I'm easing myself into the routine and slowly increasing my exposure as I've found it's better for my skin when I do it that way. I realized over the winter months, as I learned more about this lifestyle, that I'm quite possibly Vit. D deficient; my goal is to make sure that I get at least 45 mins minimum (once I work up to it) of sun exposure every day.

Another fruit is now sharing my addictive attention with my Mineolas - yes, still juicing and eating my babies but a little less so, now, since I found more / better ones now for sale at my regular supermarket - MANGOES! Those big, orange & yellow beauties have been disappearing into the abyss of my stomach at an ever increasing rate. They're SO juicy, sweet and yummylicious that I made a quick run this morning to drag another batch home, and there are about two of them sweetly singing my name from downstairs right about now

That's it for now...going to dispatch a couple mangoes and have a nice, long conversation with my bed, which should last at least a couple of hours. I have a serious sleep debt to catch up on!

For some reason now I have this incredible urge for blueberries, which is something a little different for me. Although I love using mixed berries in my (fruit) smoothies, I don't have a particular thing for the blues...until now, apparently! For the past couple of days I've had at least 2 nana/mxd berries/extra blueberry smoothies which were the bomb ;-) Shoot. I didn't buy enough of them Friday, and now I have barely anything for tomorrow - if I can hold out that long from making a third one for the day!

I still haven't really managed to sleep much, but I'm getting SOME rest, so I don't mind too much. I'd been taking care of a really sick cat for a while (not my own - I was his "auntie", I guess), and in the last week I was even spending the nights next to him. He had to be put down on Thursday, and though I know that he's no longer suffering, I just really miss the guy, you know? I'm still crying off and on; he was the sweetest, most noble, handsome and gentle fella ever, who had a full 14 years of life. I didn't think I was going to take it this hard...I know all the animal lovers / owners out there will understand...

I have a lot that part of me wants to post now, but the other part's just not in it, so I guess I'll sign off now and let it all trickle out later...Just feel like being still...latah!

TRUSTING YOUR BODY: On growing to feel good in your own skin...


I felt that it was high time to give a little structure / face / content change to my entries; in this one I'll finally give an account of how I came to be living a raw lifestyle...

I come from a background of mostly non-junk food, native diet (originally a Caribbean island girl), so I've had the blessing of never eating anything near the Standard American Diet - even when I found myself living in the States! In the past 11-12 years I've been a cooked vegan, vegetarian, meat-eater, gluten- free vegatarian, vegan and raw foodist - the past two stages having occured in the past 7-8 months.

Having to eat gluten-free - and with that, discovering / uncovering a plethora of food allergies as I became more aware of my body's responses and needs concerning food - played a major part in propelling me towards living a raw life. My body has been, and still is, I must add, more accepting of / ready for raw than my mind, which is still catching up! I started to do more and more research about nutrition and my other health issues (e.g. Multiple Chemical Sensitivities / Environmental Illness and Mitral Valve Proplapse), and began to reduce and eliminate processed foods as I decided that any additives, preservatives, and anything that I could'nt pronounce had no business being in my body anyway ;-)

My mode of eating has always leaned towards simplicity, and it became even more so as I inched, albeit unknowingly, towards raw. I began steaming and slow / low-temp cooking my food even more, and increasing the amount of raw fruits and veggies, which I'd always eatena fairly large amount of anyway. Because of all my food restrictions, I was having a hard time eating out until I discovered Bonobos in NYC (raw vegan restaurant), so I started eating there once a week when I made my then-weekly city trip. I very quickly noticed how great I would feel after those raw meals, and quickly made those days totally raw. Humnnn... I really like this! Then I began to read like crazy about raw, and bought a few raw gourmet books (which I swiftly came to regret!)to get ideas...

It was a period of totally not wanting to see a green ever again that kickstarted me into high raw, however. Honestly. If I saw anything green I literally gagged. Puzzled by this phenomenon I "happened" to come across a book this past October entiled "12 Steps to Raw" which totally transformed my life - and introduced me to Green Smoothies, which I took to like a duck to water; I'd have two or three of those things a day, plus a gynormous kale salad, mixed greens,etc...that went on for about a solid three months or so...

***Talk about being ironic, though...I'm back at that stage - for the third time in months - of not wanting to see anything REMOTELY green...LOL***

Finding this site was also a god-send, which I'm forever grateful for!!!

I'm still growing in my confidence about this lifestyle...nah, not what I meant to say... I'm still becoming more confident in trusting that I am doing the correct thing for my body. I haven't made a fuss about eating raw; only my two best friends know - and some in my yoda center - that's it. Comments about my eating choices used to really sting, offend and make me defensive, in turn, but that is becoming my reality less and less. It helps that I am learnig to become less judgemetal of others' choices as well - I never would have seen how judgemental I really was had it not been for this experience!

Now I'm at a point of being at peace with my decision to follow my body's urges and needs, and not necessarily other people's opinions... like now, I still get haunted by the voices saying that I "must eat greens and a wide variety of food to stay in balance!" I do...just not every day sometimes. Right now the only things that satisfy me are my deep purple nana-berry smoothies, mangoes, watermelons, oranges, and, occasionally, tomatoes and cukes. I have greens that have been sitting in my fridge for a week or two, now, because I felt guilty that I wasn't eating greens...so I'd buy them and end up throwing them away. SO...yesterday I realized that I needed to stop the madness, and fully trust my instincts. I am the one with my own unique constitution; I don't have "theirs", and one size does not - and never will - fit all...

I'm finally on my way to being comfortable with who I am, doing what I need and feeling fine about it...and it's about damned time!

;-)

TRUSTING YOUR BODY: Part Deux

I wanted to elaborate a little more about my body being more ready for raw than my mind was...

As I increased the amount of raw in my diet - actually, even before that - my body began to react to and reject items that I would normally eat. For example, I loved to use garlic, onions, leeks and scallions in my cooking; steaming and braising were the main ways I'd prepare my cooked meals. Slowly I started to notice that my ability to stomache these items was becoming an issue. Same with curry and similar spices - Indian food was my favourite thing,hands down - and I began to have reactions to poultry as well, something I was (still) eating occasionally, and became allergic to eggs. It was like all the cooked food I was having - even though very healthy, non-complicated and gently prepared - was making me feel horrible. It kinda sucked because even though at times I found transitioning to high(er) raw tough, I couldn't slow it down by going back down to a lower level of raw,'cause then I'd really pay for it more physically - that was never a workable option for me!

There should be a disclaimer somewhere - if you're not ready at some level to discover / face who you really are and to make major changes throughout your whole life, you may not be ready to go raw (definitely not high raw / 100%)! I've read elsewhere on this board, and other sites, advice that one should spend some time focusing on any deep(er) issues in their life first before undertaking the radical work of overhauling the diet, and, consequently, lifestyle, and I wholeheartedly agree with that - to the degree that it is applicable to each unique situation. Going raw can and will push you into places where you may rather not yet go and were thoroughly unprepared to deal with!

I find myself standing at a most interesting junction in my journey right now, one that will require my withdrawing & cocooning momentarily to delve deep to the heart of some root issues connected to habitual behaviour, and to answer the question as to why I have been settling for less; or, to put it more precisely, someone else's idea of a "good", regular life...why am I holding myself back?

What am I afaid of becoming???

Throwing out the garbage...

That's what my body seems to be doing in the past few days! I knew that a lot of fruit can be very cleansing, but MAN this is something else!!!

I have been going to the bathroom so often that somethings I think it would be easier if I just stayed parked on the throne ;-) for a while, instead of getting up...my dear bumm must be quite tired of being continuously wiped!

The previous two or three days must have seen me go-ing anywhere from every half hour/45 minutes - every hour & 1/2. Today's somewhat better at ONLY every hour or two. And I "produce" every single time...in varing amounts.

WHERE the heck is all this coming from?!? AND WHERE has it been all this time???!!!??? (Rhetorical questions... but, still...)

Scary...

Fascinating to know what you're body will do if you facilitate it...

Ain't life grand?

;-)

Enjoy this wonderful day!

I still can't believe I actually wrote that last post

Still cracks me up!

Now I've found myself confronting long-held body issues as I contemplate doing something I've never done before - buying and wearing a bikini! No, I am not a size 2 with a perfect figure, but am petite with about 10 more pounds I can afford to lose. I'm not afraid of looking bad or anything like that; the way I was raised it wasn't ladylike to show one's stomach - or too much leg, or cleavage...

I'm honestly only considering this because I want to get as much sun as possible this summer, and I want to maximise the amount of exposure I am able to get - hence uncovering more skin. I have a decent body - great legs, shoulders - a swimmer's body, with the broad shoulders and back, swayback, etc...yes, I still have a little extra around the tummy area, but it's all good... so WHY am I hung up and so uptight about this especially since I won't be around anyone at the times that I am most likely to sunbathe???

Humnnn...just thought of something. Maybe I'm having such a hard time with this because I don't want the extra attention I know I'm going to get if / when someone IS around to see me. I actually used to wear boy's / men's clothes years ago to cover up my figure and deflect attention away from myself. I hate people looking me up and down like I'm a piece of meat - or, since I'm on a vegan board , like a juicy, desirable piece of fruit! Maybe that's why I've been sabotaging myself lately by eating more fat than I should - and feeling sick because of it - to maintain my weight-loss and not lose anymore, because it seems like my body, and how "great" I look now is all everyone's commenting on, and it's making all self-conscious again...

That's my food for thought for the day, I guess...I'll let you know what I decide to do!

*** I AM thankful for my healthier, stronger body...seeing what some other people wear without shame should make it easy for me to make this step, I should think! But everyone has their own issues...I have to confront mine...***

It may sound a little weird but I think that I offended myself when I stated in my previous post that I have a "decent" body...

That word has haunted me for the past two days!

"Decent"? You mean "bloody marvelous"! This body has survived and thrived through so many mysterious maladies, stresses, serious health issues and traumas that I need to really correct myself; for example, I should have died @ nine years ago - medically speaking, my being alive was/is considered a medical impossibilty...should have dropped dead in the middle of my college campus...

"Decent"? I've worn so many neck collars, slings, casts - never mind the numerous canes and crutches used over the years - and I'm presently so much better off healthwise than the vast majority of people around me that I should be singing my body's praises, not concentrating on irrelevant and inconsequential "problem areas"!!!

SO...

I have an absolutely wonderful, BEAUTIFUL, resiliant body which I will be proud to showcase in a manner comfortable for me.

There...much better!!!

Diet-wise, I've found that over the past few weeks, I've been eating more and more fruit, and way less greens; now I'm not eating any greens at all. Or even veggies - don't want 'em. I have absolutely no desire for them.at.all. Was freaking out about it, but now I see that I just have to roll with it and LET GO. I've proven in the past that I've latched back on to greens before when I've needed to, so why do I continually make myself crazy second-guessing myself, and going over and over the same issue??? I've never not wanted any veggies before, though, so this is new...

Just to comment a bit about something I've read in a thread on the main discussion board re. how many calories "one" should be having, etc... I've never been able to comfortably eat 2000 calories or above on a simple (read no gourmet) raw diet; when I attempted to do so, I'd find myself feeling stuffed, bloated and green around the gills, so to speak. I stopped using Fitday to monitor all that stuff, as I was becoming a little TOO obsessive about trying to eat the "right" things / amounts while drowning out my own signals. I estimate I get about 1300 or so-ish cals. a day, and I do very well with that...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2008 11:12PM by Soraya.

Isn't it ironic that eating in a healthy manner is more expensive than eating crap - "ahem" - less than optimal foods?

Actually, it's also very sad...

I was thinking about that more a few days ago when I was blessed with an offer for a ride to the market and back (whoo - hoo!!!); usually I have to take the bus and can only deal with 2 not-too-heavy bags at a time. No, I will not take a cab...that would cost me around $12 one way and that could go towards filling up my tummy, thank you! I had to laugh at myself, as I'm STILL not used to buying the large amounts of produce that I know I need to; why does it feel SOOOOO ackward????? I'm going to definitely have to work out how to get into buying large bags / crates of stuff soon, though, AND how to get them home...

I am sometimes quite envious of others on this board who live in states / areas where you can get great low prices,and bargains,on food; who are near stores or farmers markets with a lot of (affordable!!!) variety; who can grow some of their own food (DZM!!!), and who belong to CSAs, etc. I live in NY in an area where, if you don't drive - or know someone who does who is willing to shmovel you around (it's a word now!), you're screwed. Can't afford to join a CSA...I really don't the kind of salary to support that. There's a farmer's market in my town, supposedly,but I can't get to it, between my work schedule and transportation issues. The whole thing started to make me feel a little - nah, a lot! - down on myself.

Until I started reframing that thought...

I thought of the many people in the world who may want to eat healthier / raw, but have problems obtaining fresh produce...or any decent amount of any kind of food at all!

I may not be able to buy food at the kind of prices that I would prefer to, but at least have the ability to get what I need to make this lifestyle choice viable... there are many who can't or who (also) struggle a bit with it, so I am very grateful for what I CAN do! There have been quite a few times in the past, when I was still in college, where I would open my tiny fridge and all that was in there was my Brita water pitcher...when dinner would be liver and fries from the Chinese place across the street because it was filling and only cost $2.50...thank God I'm not at that place in my life anymore!

SO...

You bet I'm grateful: grateful that I can get up and walk to the bus AND carry a load, because there're many who don't have the limbs or mobility to do that; grateful that I have fresh produce - especially fruit - that I can easily obtain, and that I have the wherewithal to actually buy it; grateful for this board and the people on it because I don't know anyone like me in the "real" world, and really happy and committed to this lifestyle.

I'll just keep doing the best I can, keeping an eye out to see how I can make things easier but whatever the case, I'm going to appreciate EVERYTHING I have and am able to do...that's been my food of thought for the past few days...

That, and, SHOOT! I should have bought MORE watermelon!!!!

Dietwise...my food for yesterday was mostly liquidized...just had very strong urges for lots and lots of orange juice, and made two very large nana-berry smoothies; for dinner I had chopped avocado and tomatoes - drumrool, please - WITHOUT SALT!!! Yes! ***does the funky dance of joy***I have finally been able to cease and desist the sea salt, the last condiment that I was able to tolerate (not anymore)! It was absolutely divine; I never thought I'd be eating tomatoes like this, far less savoring eavery bite, but that's just what happened...yummmnnnnnnnnnnnn...

I love my life!

I love being alive...

Have a phenomenal day,everyone!

Hi--just read through this page and enjoyed it very much. Now, have to tear myself away but thought I'd pop in and say hello. Will read more in this journal later...I resonate a lot with what I have read. You sound like you're doing so well...yes, what a journey this rawfoodism is, veritable multi-level transformation process. I myself have had an up and down up and over round and round sideways top to bottom every which way ------whewwww!---- ride to this point: hopeful and re-determined to persevere.

I LOVE valencias. I buy them by the 3 big bag fulls and I do take a cab home when I do my big 5 0r 6 bag shop, thinking of how many more oranges I could've gotten as I pay the cabdriver!

Bon appetit!

Enjoy!

Elakti,

You helped make my day...so glad you took the time to say hello! I do like to have an interaction with at least one other person going on - that's how I ended up on this blog to begin with, but now I'm all alone - so it's great to see you! And it's great to meet another orange lover!!!

Please feel free to chime in as often as you want! I loved how you described your raw ride to this point...I'm still chuckling! I hope you don't pay a whole lot for your cab; as much as I rue the thought I may have to really look at that as an option these next few weeks/months. I'm not going to look at it as a negative, though, but I sure will appreciate my food more!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2008 08:24PM by Soraya.

Hi Soroya -- I was just reading your posts for the past month and want to let you know how insightful they are. The part that talks about getting in touch with your deeper issues resonates with me. this is something I have been thinking about because I feel like when I eat raw, a cleansing process kicks in that isn't just physical, but emotional and spiritual as well; I'm kind of propelled into dealing with things that I would ordinarily "stuff". So it's good to read about others having these same processes. Thanks!
Sundancer

Sundancer, thanks for your kind words! It's good to know that being this open about my little (!) battles helped you in some way; I'm just passing on the favor, in a sense, because it helps ME tremendously when I read about others' stories as well - especially when it deals with emotional and other issues connected with this lifestyle...not just the food angle...

There's so much to (this) life(style) than food!!!!!

SO...

In earlier posts I was talking about stuff related to feeling good in your own skin, but there was still so much left to address, of course...

In the past day or two I've had several "AHA!!!" moments, but the clearest one is this:

I've been wondering what the core struggle and anxiety was for me as it pertains to eating raw foods. I knew that some of my cravings were in some part self-sabotaging, but subconciously holding on to the weight and my body image issues weren't all to it, either. I just couldn't put my cute little finger on it. Then suddenly the fog lifted; I don't want to be seen as (more) different (than I already am)!!!

We all have felt and know well that feeling of wanting to fit in, to be a part of, to feel like we belong somewhere. Those of you who are confident enough to be yourself regardless and not give a flying hoot as to what other people think - more power to you! I am in no way there yet...or maybe I should say that I've been working very dilligently on it ;-) Now I'm perceived as the (even more!) strange one eating a lot of fruit/veggies yadayadayada...you know the drill...

This is the core reason why I'm still shaky-ish when it comes to raw. I know it's best for me - no question about my commitment to it - but I know that as I care less about what people think and how I am perceived that I will much more comfortable in my newly Raw skin, and more of my beautifully authentic self.

I also find that I don't like the 'label' of vegan...or raw vegan, or fruitarian...or anything, for that matter. To me it feels akin to allowing yourself to be defined/constricted/imprisoned by a label, and TO ME *smile* it feels very rigid and inflexible thinking. Raw vegan is DESCRIPTIVE of my diet/lifesyle, but it does not define who I am. I hope I said that clearly enough, cuz that's the best I can do right now as I'm being distracted by thoughts of a fresh fruit smoothie...can't.think.straight...

The sounds of the birds warbling outside, the warmth of the sunshine and the nanas/berries downstairs are singing my name, so I'm gonna answer them now! I'm just so grateful for the previous insight; I'm still chewing on it, but I know it's going to help so much in my growth process - and progress - from this point on...

Have a brilliant day, all! And many growth-spuring insights of your own!

Yep! I had to come back! *cracks up*

Oh, I'm sucking down the secong half of my smoothie right now as I crank this out - btw, I practice the ancient, sacred technique of four-finger typing...takes me forever to get things out, compared to most people...

As I was walking away from the compter just now, I started to laugh at myself not wanting to be thought of as "different"...wanting - ahhhh!!!!!! THAT'S IT! It's the same damn thing re. the whole body (image) thing!!!!!

I DON'T WANT TO STAND OUT!!!

I DON'T WANT TO BE POINTED OUT OR NOTICED!!!

I just want to "ride the boat" like everyone else, not rock it!

OOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

***Dang, this is better than therapy...and free, too!!!***

Wait a minute...

***This is what I've been laughing at...***

I have been sporting a bald head for years - and I don't want to be seen as 'different'...

Even before raw I was no-grain/no-gluten/no-preservatives-additives/(then)no-processed eating...and caught endless flack for it - and I don't want to be seen as 'different'...

I think NOTHING like the vast majority of the people that I'm surrounded with on a day-to-day basis...and I don't want to be seen as 'different'...

Shoot...I certainly don't want to have the "majority mentality"!!! Haha!

Humnnn...I guess that I'm better off being 'different' after all!!! DUH!

*Shakes head*

I've always hated that word, different. So divisive. Now, I guess I'd better reframe it as a good thing. But it won't define me, either

Okayyyyy...

Enough musing for the day...at least here, for now!

I will drag myself outside accompanied by a 4" thick tome of the Complete Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - which I have read about 30-ish times, and counting - and engage in mindless reading...

Enjoy!

You are just You...and you sound like an intelligent and introspective and searching individual--very cool!

I really resonate with what you write about...and, yes, it is very much like free therapy! There is so much under the surface of what is on our plate.

What a trip, eh??!! The magic orange! And berry, and galia melon, and banana, and cherimoya, and and and and....!

I liked the Hound of the Baskervilles. The first time I read that I was really kind of spooked.

Thanks for posting in my journal, thanks for reading. After your comment about my writing, (which I can also say the feeling is mutual...I like reading your stuff) I wrote a couple cloudy paragrahs, I'm chuckling about that! Cloudy!

Well, we've got to stay firm but flexible while we change our eating and look into ourselves...all the while being patient and self-loving and easy on ourselves!

Cheers! from one glass of orange juice to another, coast to coast!

Elakti