hey honey!!!!! yay you had fun at your gig!!! that is always great to have fun at work....you are doing so well keep up the good work......yummy avo's they sound yummy..i should buy one and put in my veggie wraps i am sure it will be good!!! well you have a wonderful evening...talk with you soon!
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

I had a good day. Went to the gym. Good night @ work. I'm afraid I may have gained back a pound or two. I'm NOT having it! Tomorrow I'm full force in the gym! Today I did 50 min of cardio. Maybe tomorrow I'll do that plus some weights. I noticed I'm also a little bloated but I dare not weigh myself before feeling good again. No sense in torturing myself. Just get it done! I deserve it.


www.inaia.com

hey yay...you you..leading by example with the scale thank you!!! you are awesome hun...take care of your self and it will love you and be healthy!! have a wonderful evening...
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Thanks, girlie!

I had more homework today than yesterday so I had to do less time @ the gym instead of more- but that's ok b/c I WENT. My body does feel better. I think I was reacting to a diet change. I was still raw but I was making recipes that were much more dense than the salads I had been eating. Y whole system was a little out of whack. I also think that I wasn't eating enough fruit- other than avocados. Now, when I go to work @ night sometimes I ask for a salad and sometimes I ask for a fruit salad. I am also making a point of eating an apple or a banana after I work out. I will still give myself a couple more days before I weigh myself- just to make sure I am on the right track. There is nothing more defeating than getting on the scale and seeing something that upsets me when I'm already doing what it takes to correct it. Best to put in the effort and see something that makes me feel encouraged rather than defeated.
I am also in the process of getting ready to return to Miami after I am done here. I have decided to buy a little condo on Miami Beach-where I live for the past 12 yrs so I can have it as a base. A nice place to come home to between gigs, where my kitties can live and be stable and where I can grow some veggies & herbs in pots on the balcony.

I am very happy about this decision. I already have some friends who are in real estate helping me out, looking for units. YEY me!


www.inaia.com

Hey there hun....yay you for sure...finding that place to call home is a great feeling i wish i could say that...i wanted to get out of the small town...and now that i have been out for 5 years i don't call san deigo my home so much either..i don't know where i should be right now..i am moving home to indiana and now that it is getting closer i am no so sure that is what i want...but i am dealing with it i think right now it iwll be the best thing..but i don't know where i relaly belong or where i can call home...so i wish you all the best with that!! that is an awesome feeling i am sure!!! keep up the awesome work and all the good self emotional stuff that is great!!
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

So I posted about the San Diego thing in your diary. I just got home from work. It went very well. Honestly, I am looking fwd to being home. I have NO idea how things will work out or how I will build a whole new life again-and it's scary, but I think I can do amazing things being based there (even though I don't know how) and I am holding to my faith. It's the biggest, most solid thing I got.

Ate a little less today but I was hungry when I got home so I ate a banana. I am bloated and occasionally crampy even though it's NOT that time of month. I don't know if I've gained weight or if it's just me ovulating. (She said ovulating!!!)


www.inaia.com

hi hun..yes thank you i saw that i my diary and it really got me thinking!!! you are a wonderful friend so glad i have met you on here....
you are doing soooo great...keep it up!!!! i am surey ou are probably ovulating haha ....not gaining cuz you are doing so amazing!!!
keep it up hun and have a fabulous day...you will do great things being based in miami i can see it now!!
good luck and take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

I've been introspective lately. Having realizations about how I relate to people & situations. I find that I had gotten in very "not-so-good" space a while back and now that I am coming out of it, I start to get a clearer & clearer picture of what has been going on. I was finding myself easily frustrated and overwhelmed in situations and relationships because I was giving away my power and therefore feeling powerless. If strong feelings came up for me about something, I would feel like I didn't have the right to feel them and I would make myself wrong. In trying to somehow suppress how I felt or to force myself to feel differently than I actually did I would get all this pressure & frustration & unhappiness building up inside of me until I would be unable to contain myself and would have some embarrassing & inappropriate or uncalled for emotional outburst- not realizing the whole time I was the one creating it by not acknowledging, allowing & expressing my feelings.

It made me feel like I could never relax and always had to be on guard b/c I was afraid of having some outburst and I couldn't just enjoy myself or my life- or the people in it. I would hold back my feelings b/c I would have rather made myself uncomfortable than to make someone else uncomfortable by expressing my feelings-even though they probably wouldn't have thought less of me and they would've probably respected me more and gotten to know me more deeply. I did this b/c I was petrified they would leave if I inadvertently (or consciously) said something they didn't want to hear- not realizing that if a person left b/c I expressed some of my truth that they didn't want to deal with- this person would never be there for me anyway and I could never be there for them. I realized I did this in my personal relationships and in my work. There was not an area in my life that was not profoundly affected by this.

So I had a lot of trouble creating deep relationships. And I created it all myself- easily & inadvertently and now that I am aware of this I can just as easily choose to create differently.


www.inaia.com

hey hun...wow what a wonderful realization!!!! you are doing great..really working on the inner you too!! keep up the wonderful work hun!!
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxox

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Thanks girlie. Just got home from work. They said the are likely going to offer me an extension of my contract but that I may have to use other musicians if mine aren't available. I wish they'd bring my guys from Miami!!! That would be so awesome. How would it get better than that? There would be decisions to make about my kitties. I miss them SOOOOOOOOOO much! But there are pros & cons to both sides so I have to chat with them and give it all some thought. I could definitely avoid the DEAD summer in Miami & go home a few moths later w/ lots more cash- so that would be good. We'll see...

I ate less today (not too little) b/c I feel I have been overeating all week & I have been bloated. I'm hungry now that it's late but I can make it 'till tomorrow. I know I'll be glad when I wake up with a flat tummy and clear sinuses & mind & lots of energy.


www.inaia.com

Hi there...well that is aweosme you got such a wonderful offer to continue your contract!! that would be great if you could get your guys from miami!! that would really rock!!! aww who are your kitties staying with while you are away? that is sad..they will understand though..theylove their mommie but if you will make a lot more money an dhave to it to put towards a place or just to save that is awesome!!! so think about it....that is a lot to ponder..best to think about it before bed then you might dream the solution
old wives tale haha...
good luck
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxox

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Yeah. Thanks. Time to put the energy out there and see how the Universe puts everything magically into place. My babies are in Paris in the home of a man who has placed pets in homes for temporary care for many years. His website is www.animado.com. I miss them terribly but I know they are well taken care of. I miss them. I wish they could be here with me but I'm also nervous about making them fly around too much. maybe the best thing for them is to stay put in a place where they are well cared for (and BELIEVE me, I'm paying for it.$$$$$) while I get some more money saved up for our future than to have them on planes around the world. That's very stressful for them.

Time to release it all w/ highest thoughts and see what the Universe sends back... witht the contract and w/ my beautiful kitties...


www.inaia.com

aww how nice of you!! how did you find him..wow paris did you perform there or it was just eh best place?!?!?... that is awesome!!! glad they are getting lots of love and care!!! well good for you releasing it into the universe and hopefully getting some wonderful results back!!
take care!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Paris is the last place I was living before coming here. I was there for 6 months. I didn't perform @ all. I was writing, studying and doing lots of Bikram yoga. Their Bikram studios are some of the best I've been to in all the countries I've practiced in.

I just bought a ticket to the 2 am showing of Spiderman 3 in Roppongi Hills. It was almost $30 b/c it's the premier screen and the give you champagne in a gorgeous bar overlooking Tokyo while you wait to go in. It'll be something very nice to do after my last gig of the week tonight. Yey!


www.inaia.com

hey that is awesome!!! glad you had such good yoga there!! that is great!! how wonderful to travel around some..i would love to do that!!!
well enjoy the show tonight...you will probably love it..it looks really good!! let me know....the premier screening huh? haha...wow you are lucky are you having champagne to celebrate as well?
well enjoy the rest of your day and your wonderful evning with work and then the movie!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

I had an awesome gig last night and then I went to see Spiderman 3. My ex-boyfriend came along last minute. We broke up when I first got here. That's been a lot of what was going on for me emotionally a few weeks ago. He says he misses me but I don't see him doing much about it- and I'm fine. I am detached and present and happy about my plans and with the life I am creating. I release it ALL. I just am centered enough right now to know to get out of my own way.

The movie was ok. It finished @ 4:30 am & it was totally light out. We went to a 24 hr Chinese cafe & I ate some cooked vegetables- but I am ok with it as I have said that I would allow myself a cooked cheat on Sunday if I ever wanted one. Otherwise my diet has been GREAT!

Last night I wore a pir of jeans I haven't worn in a couple months that used to be quite tight & they were hanging off me. What an awesome feeling!

I feel like right now it's time to start to see Japanas more of a home and start living a full full life instead of just looking @ it like I am here to work for 3 months and then go. The energy of being present to that degree will be a blessing. I feel that if things are going well now & doors are openeing, things will get that much better the more present I am and the more I embrace who, what & where I am NOW.

Thanks for your support again & Talk soon...


www.inaia.com

Hey there darlin...wow your boyfriend lives in Japan?? that is cool....well i am sorry the movie wasn't the best ...i am still going to see it haha....well probably n ot till video though i don't make it to the movies often.....hmm that is so nice you have so many 24 hour things there...i wish anyplace in the united states had that..we need a few good 24 hour places...all we have is the fast food places and denny's haha...but a bookstore and a music store and cool cafe would rock haha...hmm oh well!!! enjoy that...and enjoy your time there..glad you are going to start embracing your time there and looking at it like a home and start to feel surrounded by home!! that is the best thing for you!! it will do so much for you emotionally you know?
well good luck hun and glad you had a fabulous evening and now day!!
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

He doesn't really live anywhere. He travels all over & comes here from time to time. He's definitely not my boyfriend right now either. We were very serious at one point and now we're sort of up in the air. I wish I knew what to do about it. I've moved on for the most part but I feel like something's missing w/ myself. I wish I were being stronger. I wish I could just move on completely and never look back.


www.inaia.com

Hey there hun...oh well at least you got to see him??? i am not sure haha it sounds like you don't want to have him be a part in your life no matter what role but you still do..so i am a little confused on if it is a good thing he is there visiting or not haha...but none the less you had some one familiar to hang out with for the evening and that is always comfoting and helpful!!!
have a wonderful day and don't worry you will figure things out!! don't stress...
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

You are confused about it b/c I am. I feel kindda down this morning. I'm trying to be true to myself & do what's best for me. Just a lot going on inside.


www.inaia.com

hey hun...oh just relax and don't stress about things..you will be okay...i know it is ocnfusing and you can't feel like yourself..but i am here for ya and know that you will get out of this rutt...don't stress hun!! take care and just relax today!!
love earthangle
xoxoxoxoxoxxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

hey inaia, you wrote:

<<I've been introspective lately. Having realizations about how I relate to people & situations. I find that I had gotten in very "not-so-good" space a while back and now that I am coming out of it, I start to get a clearer & clearer picture of what has been going on. I was finding myself easily frustrated and overwhelmed in situations and relationships because I was giving away my power and therefore feeling powerless. If strong feelings came up for me about something, I would feel like I didn't have the right to feel them and I would make myself wrong. In trying to somehow suppress how I felt or to force myself to feel differently than I actually did I would get all this pressure & frustration & unhappiness building up inside of me until I would be unable to contain myself and would have some embarrassing & inappropriate or uncalled for emotional outburst- not realizing the whole time I was the one creating it by not acknowledging, allowing & expressing my feelings.

It made me feel like I could never relax and always had to be on guard b/c I was afraid of having some outburst and I couldn't just enjoy myself or my life- or the people in it. I would hold back my feelings b/c I would have rather made myself uncomfortable than to make someone else uncomfortable by expressing my feelings-even though they probably wouldn't have thought less of me and they would've probably respected me more and gotten to know me more deeply. I did this b/c I was petrified they would leave if I inadvertently (or consciously) said something they didn't want to hear- not realizing that if a person left b/c I expressed some of my truth that they didn't want to deal with- this person would never be there for me anyway and I could never be there for them. I realized I did this in my personal relationships and in my work. There was not an area in my life that was not profoundly affected by this.

So I had a lot of trouble creating deep relationships. And I created it all myself- easily & inadvertently and now that I am aware of this I can just as easily choose to create differently.>>




i thought that was very profound
and i am glad that you came to that realization

it really IS true
that if you can't speak your truth
and if they are going to run away for you being "honest"
then, they really can't be there for you and vice versa

also, it really isn't your job to make everyone else feel "okay"

that is THEIR job

its enough that you do what u must do to feel okay or even awesome

what u said struck a chord with me
because i always try to work to have emotional integrity with myself

meaning that , i can't go around trying to make everyone else feel good
or tiptoe and mince around their feelings

i will try my best to be kind and have tact
but i can't read their minds
i can't know what triggers them

or anything else

so, i just am what i am
and doing my best

if someone says something to me that is inappropriate
i have had practice in telling them in a clear and firm way ( without name calling)
that i will not tolerate that type of behaviour

u said that most people will respect you more if you just take care of yourself etc.

that is true

people can sense when you are trying to mold yourself to them
i don't know why
but they just can

me trying to please others
for the sake of pleasing
has never really worked for me

we are all just humans
we do our best to be who we are
and navigate in between a lot of uncertainty and joy

i don't think the journey ever ends
and i still think it takes a lot of courage every time
to speak ones truth

but its like exercising a muscle
if u do it over and over

sometimes it gets easier
and its also very liberating as well

to realize that YOU are the only one that you need to please

no one else

and like jgunn's thread is titled.. other people can just

"like it or lump it"

if you don't come first
then you will come last

put yourself first
no matter how that looks to others

it takes strength to stand alone
and feel "uncomfortable" when others don't agree with your truth
or feel off set by it

so what?

they are just being true to themselves too
so, everyone is equal

i'd rather someone tell me the truth
so i know where i stand
then be nice and glaringly dishonest to me
and i'm left there wondering if this person is for real

i like it though when people have the generosity of spirit to talk to me
truthfully AND kindly
instead of just projecting their issues onto me ( total turn off)

anyhow
i just thought i'd put that out

because its some thing that i've thought a great deal about
and its made my life a little more easier

to know that even if i don't please anyone
as long as i keep my own integrity
i have pleased myself

and that is good enough for me
though by no means easy

its worth it though

i hope you have more exciting adventures and japan and elsewhere

veronique

beautifully said Lv...that was wonderful!!! good for you......i loved it haha...thank you..it helped me too
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxox

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Hi guys. Thanks for the support and presence. It makes a difference in my life.

Veronique, thank you so much for that. I spent almost 24 hrs with him and I was able to be strong & true to myself. What you said made me aware of that. I was already making myself wrong and punishing myself for not having been "perfect" b/c a part of me was believing that it is only my imperfection that keeps pushing him away rather than realizing it is my beauty he is not comfortable with b/c he is going through some intense times and may not be able to see very much beauty in anything. I was not realizing that his running away from my strength & my truth is a reflection of him & his process & NOT of me or who I am. I am proud of myself for it took guts to say to him some of the things I said to him yesterday. I was kind and truthful and I allowed myself to honor myself and my feelings.

I think what happened for me was that afterwards I started to let myself get attached to the results and started WANTING to compromise myself in order to bring him close to me- and FORTUNATELY-the Universe never gave me a chance to. Now I feel centered and I am seeing more clearly- so I don't want the chance to go back & try to please him by compromising myself.

Veronique: Thank you for what you said. EA, thank you for being a constant support on my journey.

All the very best... Inaia


www.inaia.com

Hey girl..i see you are up for the day ...hope you had a nice little nap!!!! i wouldn't hae it any other way for support for yoU!!! you are a wonderful support system to me too!! i appreciate and value all you offer to me!!! you are a beautiful person and it makes me happy and excited for you to realize this and move on and know that it isn't you that is wrong it maybe his perception or him yay you!! keep up the tremendous work..have a wonderful day!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxxoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Yup! I'm up for the day. I couldn't go back to sleep. I meditated and ate some leftover carrot curry soup from yesterday & I'm listening to Louise Hay while I do some homework.

I agree that his perception is distorted due to some INTENSE times he is going through. This is why major space is a great idea. For some reason, it's been really hard not to make this about me. I need to lick that NOW! He is a good guy & he's doing his best. His perception is shaped by what he is living and how he chooses to look @ it. I just happen to be one of the things he is looking @ while going through his process.

The answer always comes back to: I have to take care of me. I have to focus on me. I have to do & be what makes me happy.

Thanks, EA.


www.inaia.com

Of course you have to do what makes you happy otherwise how will you be happy you know?? no one can make you as ahppy as you can make yourself if you allow yourself!! take care and have a great day hun!!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

LOL- duh, right? Ha ha. I'll write again after work & let you know how the day went.


www.inaia.com

hey love...well i hope you had a fabulous night at work!! and a wonderful day..can't wait to hear all about it!!! i got a new home for my new little froggies i got yesterday...the tank came with 7 fishies..but one didn't make it and another one looks like he isn't going to either..sad but circle of life..and i fed the one to my babies (turtles) they can't be veggies until they are older..and even then they have to have so much animal protein a week...so it is tough..at least hten it willb e in the form of the pellets haah and not live food like crickets worms, shrimp, krill ect. ....
well take care hun and have a great night!!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxoxxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

my sweetheart says that if people cant handle it when you call a spade ..a spade (calling it like it is)

they can either love it or shove it

i know i know ...not a real great philosopher but hey

...Jodi, the banana eating buddhist