hey there glad to hear all is well with you!! keep up the good work!
love earthangel
xoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

Hey there!! Just wanted to stop in and see how your doing!! I hope all is well

~ Tiffany

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart,
and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words..

I am hungry! I need to shop for food. My supplies are dwindling down and it is not a comfortable situation! Will go to store tomorrow after work. I have romaine lettuce, some orange bell pepper, apples (which I have NO desire for), a few oranges, celery, 3 plums, a couple of mangos. So I can eat all that this evening!

My fruit inventory has been low for a couple days, why didn't I go to the store? I have noticed that if I don't eat enough fruit every day I start feeling a little low and disgruntled, and I have also noticed that there is more of a tendency to cravings.

Today I have had a lot of watermelon, a large mango, a few bananas, a salad and half an avocado (just because it was only half ripe). I will have more of the same soon, and look forward to going to the store tomorrow!

I went swimming and splashing and diving today, what a gorgeous day. I have a few minutes on computer so I think I will flutter about now.

hey there...keep up the good work....get to the store haha..i am going today to stock up on things as well if i get a free minute...
take care
love earthangel
xoxoxoo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

A couple minutes! Am fine. Eating more fruit, it does definitely have a lot to do with cravings. Lots of fruit=less cravings for bad stuff.
I have had appearance of pimply blistery type sores on corners of mouth, for about 3 weeks off and on. Yesterday they were really bad on both corners at same time. Today, better---I can open mouth better!
Been eating a lot of cherries, bananas, watermelon, plums, peaches, and of course oranges and watermelon. Also, at least one big salad a day. Not many avocados! Rarely. My favorite thing really is olives!
We will be having a birthday party in a couple weeks...everyone will be Russian! I will get in lots of practice! I will recite a Russian poem or two (famous children's verses that EVERY Russian grows up on). I will also make sure I have LOTS of fruit and salad and olives...as there will be some tempting things like cheeses and crackers. I will splurge and have guacamole.

One of these days soon I will have an extended time on computer.

I weigh about 165! Down about 21 pounds.
I am finding it difficult, after first enthusiasm, to keep fat intake very low. 10% is really VERY low! I know though that it is often a long process to retrain body and mind to such percentages. And I know it averages out over week. However, still is difficult. Lately have been eating less fruit on some days, and I sure notice a difference in how I feel and the cravings kick in big time. Yet, on some days, I don't feel like eating so much fruit or I just don't have what I want....been having a few discontented days...a little cranky about food....wanting something dense and, as I said elsewhere, I think there are a few things on my mind that I would like to wrap up in dough and stuff with cheese and sink! I think that eating raw is definitely multi dimensional and that there is a lot happening in other areas of life/mind and if these are not addressed maturely...then, presto bingo voila....comfort stuff it run away eating kicks in. So, I am cranky. Or it is a phase of some sort. Or I should fast for a day or two to re-cultivate healthy appetite for my designed food.
That thought occurred to me this morn. Since I am having some trouble with appetite (if I don't want fruit, that is a problem!) (and if I don't eat lots fruit, that is a problem!) I should fast.
So today I have had a couple bananas, orange, some blueberries...then, a salad with 3 olives and tahini dressing. Which should be the end of fat for the day!
Problem! So, I have watermelon. That sounds good. Also, banana milk sounds good. I have oranges and mangos. I have huge bowl of plums, 2 kinds. I will see how today goes...maybe will fast for a day, see how that feels.

I did just lose a couple or 3 pounds in short time, kind of a fast release...and at same time got much worse pimply things at corners of mouth, and am probably detoxing that fat. Just feeling it in corners of mouth, a little decrease in appetite, and mentally. @#$%&, I want popcorn. Mega buttered.

Wish I could use computer to heart's content. It helps.

Also, feel very pressed to quit coffee! Wow, it seems to be making me sick. I think as the weeks of raw increase, the sensitivity to coffee is increasing. Yet, I don't want to stop, don't want to go through the deprivation. Very hard for me to let go of substances I love that harm me. Like butter, bread, and cheese. Which I dream of. How I would love an english muffin with my coffee.

Oh man, I better go attack that watermelon!

In fact, I may very well be going through a harder time lately because of the billions of toxins I am getting from coffee and cigarettes. Sheeesh, YA THINK?!???!!!!!!!!!!???????! What a knucklehead dumbkopf I am. Actually, this is VERY MUCH ON MY MIND, and I AM experiencing sick feelings from these two habits/addictions. But, OMG, how am I going to do it? I don't know if I am ready. I've got to get rid of the coffee first. For several weeks.

Yuck, on this discouraging note I will sign off...

Banana milk sounds good. I will put some bananas in freezer for awhile, it tastes even better that way.

Hi there, dear Elakti How you doing, hun? I've been going through bunches of changes at work and haven't been able to post much here. Completely new schedule, having to rearrange the rest of my life around all of that. Whew !

Sounds like you are detoxing beautifully I know what you mean about wanting some bread !!!

Down 21 lbs !!! Good for you !!!!

Hugs to ya - hang in !!!!

Hey there hope all is well...you sounded discouraged on your last post and now you are MIA take care and let us know how things are going!!
lots of love
earthangel
xoxoxoxo

Much peace and love!!!
EarthAngel
Xoxo

A bit of a hiatus, eh?!

Well. So many months and so much change. I've been back and forth with the food.

I have been off cigarettes for a little over 6 weeks...hallelujah...and it hasn't been easy. In fact, it has been at times excruciatingly difficult. During this time I really went haywire off the wall crazy in the non-food area...seemingly transferring all my frustration and running from my feelings into sugar, fat, and starch with a predominance of chocolate. I got quite ill and was about to really sabotage everything, but have a feeling of strength today. I spent most of week-end in bed, mostly fasting but not officially, so I ate a few pieces of fruit each day. Drank lots of water. Feel better. Read a lot, rested, re-connoitred.

I am inspired to continue with the no smoking and to take up raw foods again....wow, yikes, can-i-do-it....be a non-smoker AND eat natural food...

This is such a strong goal of mine...has been for years...such a struggle which apparently I am not giving up. It is a strong goal: to be clean, addiction free. I want to be cleaner, clearer, and serene and have vitality and well-being and contentement in simplicity and be able to both work hard and sit quietly in a still body.

I have enjoyed lying around all week end (part of "enjoyment" is the observation of what I have done to my body with all this horrid junk food...turned it into a clogged up gas bag, frankly. Such depression and sadness, notwithstanding the good work of quitting smoking) and reading so much material, all my favorite books, on rawfoods, on the lifestyle, and what the rewards are. I wrote down a lot of favorite quotes and testimonial type things that have always impressed me (I want to feel that!) in a notebook, and so now I have them altogether in one place. (like the Theresa Mitchell thing, and others...people who told about when they realised a breakthrough had happened, often it is even a moment, and often they speak about an electric-like current of energy, the clarity, the cleanliness...I may never experience it, but I may.....but I need to be firm and not look back!)

Somehow I have hope again today. The past few days (or weeks) have been so very trying, so miserable. This cigarette thing is a monster to me. And the cooked food, junk food thing, too. There is so much going on inside me, I cannot begin to write about it. It is good, I believe. I feel like I am being turned inside out. It would be such a shame to sabotage this process, to stop it (again).

I know that it is imperative from each and every angle and molecule and whatever that I eat a clean diet. If I can do this....wow. I cannot say how much it means to me, my heart skips when I think of the possiblity of forging through.
It will require more strength than I have ... or maybe the strength is available and it is time.

Familiar refrain: I went shopping today.
Bought beautiful FOOD. I threw away everything that was dry and not real.
I got a lot of great food. The in season fruits are apples and persimmons (got both kinds) and pears. Grapes, and more. Also got bananas, and more bananas and I already had loads of bananas. I've had good fruit today and I ate a very nice salad, which I enjoyed....for the first time in I don't know how long.

I am so grateful to have a good appetite back. I'm happy about all the food in my kitchen. It is not going to rot in the refrigerator and be turned into the garden, while I shovel *@+&#)$& bleep-bleep-bleep #=@*#%$ in my mouth.

I am going to eat it all----with thankful RELIEF!!!!

I woke up this morning after 10 hours sleep and as I walked into kitchen to make coffee I saw the old sight of bowl and bowl and plate and plate after bowls and plates of FRUIT.

I had fruit for breakfast. Later had a small salad. I was making a salad to take to work and decided to have some now. I also prepared a tupperware of sliced strawberries and bananas for my break; am taking extra bananas and also an apple and some grapes. This is my first day on a raw diet at this newish job...where it is virtually a mecca of junk food....the temptation is going to be there...I must be strong and I must have a good supply of fruit and salad. I hope I make it through the day without succumbing to junkfood. I cannot have a taste. It must be NO OPTION. Just like cigarettes. I feel excited once again to be on the journey.....again.

E.

hey Elakti! welcome back. use the positive energy that raw foods give you to keep telling yourself that this time it's for GOOD! no more cigarettes and junk food will pollute your beautiful body. you can do this! have a great day today

Thanks, Meow, for the hello and support!

Am doing well. Much temptation at work...but, also, everytime I see "my favorites" I can ring them up and reinforce to myself Why I am not eating that any more. And let someone else carry it home and indulge. I ate a lot of fruit yesterday, and a salad. Not much for dinner, although had appetite....for french toast. I got in bed to read and ate an apple and called it dinner as I had no appetite for anything but junk food.

Feel good this morning.

I have a few minutes on a friend's computer so am checking in again! I am having a very difficult struggle with food. My conviction, my knowledge, my experience, etc etc, concerning the human being's natural biological food (raw fruit, plants, seeds, nuts) and need for good water, sunshine, etc, etc.....it doesn't matter, it is all on hold, crushed beneath the tidal wave craving for toast or chocolate. I'm trying to hang on to as much good food as I can, and increase it...trying to get off the junk fodder. I HAVE quit smoking. Now, over 3 months. Very difficult time...still, at times. This is why the junk food has taken over. I have been in quandry as to what exactly to do....I want to be a non-smoker.....and I want to eat correctly...and I have never been able (yet) to do both at same time (live without an addiction, who me?!??!). I have been here done that already: quit for 6 years, gaining 100 pounds of junk food fat, feeling so sick and crippled and short of breath...how ironic...never have been sicker in my life. It is a crap shoot, but if I had to choose one I would have to say that smoking is preferable to eating american sad diet. From my experience. Nevertheless, I do NOT want to smoke either!

There have been waves of difficulties, various phases and stages, but the food cravings are always there and gaining force, in fact. there has been much depression, emotions flying all over the place, coming from god knows where deep inside, and at times a very deep sadness. And the desire to, maybe, smoke again, maybe. Or, run to chocolate, and bread....fat starch sugar. Which adds another dimension to the depression. And then another as I feel such failure to control myself and get relief from these addictions. I so want to eat right. I so remember how wonderful it is to eat raw delicious food.

I was wondering what can I do? What is missing link, a key which would help me weather this, gain some balance and strength and poise while fortifying me with hope and inspiration and positive influence? Well, I got a great idea...yoga!

So, at the beginning of Dec I did start Bikram yoga! Love it! I do think it IS the key for me. (I was familiar with Bikram yoga, as I had taken classes with B. himself about 25 yrs ago...but it wasn't so HOT then) I have not smoked, thank God, and I am more hopeful of turning my diet back to natural. Am working on it, slowly. I am trying to do it all in one swoop, but cannot.. I fall. Am working on all fruit mornings...more salad...less of the poisonous crap....

Anyway, I am hopeful that the yoga does kind of bridge the non-smoking over to rawfoodism and I can settle down into a healthier calmer life. The yoga is great, I love it. I believe in the benefit of it to all muscles, ligaments, systems, organs, everything. I sweat like crazy, and it is so cleansing and detoxifying. I get so much oxygen and I also go through a few "yoga tears"...from the deep muscular and spinal movement, emotions seem to surface. And I am working in class on balance and poise and strength and flexibility...and not just physically...it is all dimensional...just what I need. I need balance and strength and determination and all of that to overcome these problems I am having just trying to live without cigarettes and/or sugar fat and starch. Why must I eat in a way that I know is so injurious on a daily basis (it makes me feel like crap, messes with my moods, blood sugar, etc) besides paving the way for who knows what future malady? Why? That is what I am finding out.

Am reading The China Study. Wow. Super. What we know from reading some of our authors on rawfoodism and natural hygiene. Of course, one that I thought of frequently while reading this book is Graham. It is very 80 10 10!

so that is what is what these days I'm not smoking, reading good books, eating as well as I can and also as miserably as I can but I am trying to lock my knees and am doing a pretty good savasana.

elakti

Elakti, that's so funny that you're reading The China Study, I also started reading it yesterday! I didn't buy it (honestly I spent my money on a NYE outfit instead...lame!) but I was so intrigued with everything I read in the first 75 pages, I am definitely going to go back to Barnes & Noble for an afternoon and read more! It's great to have something concrete and long-term that backs up our beliefs and I LOVE that this book gives us hope for being able to prevent and even reverse cancer. I have believed that one can prevent & possibly heal cancer for so long, and to read that just feels like such a relief. I've already told my family members to pick up a copy!

Anyway, good for you for getting into yoga, and congratulations for not smoking! The holidays can be very stressful and even depressing, so if you can make it through December w/o smoking, you have the strength to never smoke again. Keep it up! Raw & natural foods will follow in their own time. Let it happen

I ate much better today....until evening when home from work. All day--breakfast, snacks, lunch...I ate fruit and fruit and a small salad for lunch after a first course of fruit. At the local market a block from work there were peaches and cherries (???) so I bought them---and they were delicious. Went back later for more. Also, bananas.

Hi again, Meow, thanks for saying hi. Yes, I will do my best, thanks for the support.

Yes, this book is super...should be in schools, etc, of course, but it won't be, of course. I hadn't realised just how bad milk is. I only thought in terms of mucous producing and generally not our food...but the evidence of such harmfulness is overwhelming.

I'm so glad to have read it. And, I am so sick of the question "where do you get your protein?"---from now on I will say my few sentences and then refer them to The China Study.

Tomorrow...more of same...bananas, peaches, cherries, oranges, dates, and salad...and try to get through the evening without blowing it.

Doing better...well, the same 'ole same 'ole better, not yet a new improved better than before better. Simply, I still mess up at night. Staying mostly raw all day. Lots of bananas, oranges, and peaches. Tomorrow I work and Sunday and Monday are days off so I plan to make very big effort to do wonderfully rawfully well those days and kick away the cheating (myself) at night.

Am planning on doing yoga those days off, of course, and I want to make some vegetable juice...I did buy some carrots and extra celery and cucumbers for this purpose. I need to make some salad dressing. Tahini. Fat. oh well.

Re-reading some of Graham's book, on the heels of China Study. Why do I have to continually rev myself up? I already know and believe all this. Bad sad food is just so much habit and craving and conditioning and it surrounds me and it is so easy and cheap and there is no one around me who eats the way I want to, blah blah blah. It really is me facing myself. What do I want to do? How do I want to eat? How do I want to feel? "Lock your knee!" Do what has to be done if I want to do what is right and best for me, if I want to be healthy and sane from now until my death.

I want to eat beautifully, correctly, as a non-smoker; and, I want to do yoga. I want to be balanced. I want contentment. I want a simple good and well life.

I am still alive. Quality of life not so good. It is always a very tricky thing for me to quit smoking---it comes with a Warning: Quitting Smoking could be injurious to your health and may cause severe degeneration of eating habits leading to same illnesses and then some. Because of my excessive SAD eating, I am not able to really reap the benefits of not smoking. I feel worse.

Now 200 pounds, having gained so much in past 5.5 months of no smoking. I feel so sick. How ironic. It is my opinion and experience that overeating sugar fat and starch (all cooked) is worse than smoking. But, I do not want to smoke. I want to be smoke free and raw. How to? Just keep trying. My efforts fizzle into failure. It is a wonder that I keep trying. It is really frickin amazing and miraculous and some kind of testament that I even keep trying. Wow, I either have a very strong urge to heal or I am just plain crazy and masochistic! The former, dammit! I will succeed! This is just very hard for me.

Am going to fast today. I feel so ill. My digestion is so messed up, big-time. I am nauseous and dizzy much of time the last few days. I think my liver is overtaxed,big-time. My health is a mess. A fast is the best thing, if I can do it in such a condition. The low blood sugar and the gastric irritation I am not looking forward to. I may have some diluted orange or grapefruit juice. I have two days free. Even 2 days of fasting will help so much for yet another 'renewal of rawfoodism'.

I am going to have some lemon water and get in bed and try to sleep. Awake, re-read some favorite authors like Ehret and Shelton. Re-read 8-1-1.

Kitchen is well-stocked with organic produce. I have no appetite for it.

When will this struggle end?

Fairly easy day of no eating...juiced some grapefruit this a.m. In afternoon, I had a few juiced valencias. Water, of course.

I have a slight headache. I want to go back to bed and read...or sleep. I feel extremely tired, sleepy. Good. I just want to definitely go to sleep early and sleep as long as possible, since tomorrow is day off. I called in sick today. I couldn't have made it through the day. I wonder if my dizziness and nausea is fatty liver related...probably.

I looked through some websites today. I reread my own journal for the memories and inspiration! I can do this again...I have been through a lot of changes the past several months...quitting smoking (HUGE!) and dealing with some major inner issues. Now I want to claim the moment to address the food issue again---I don't need the unhealthy food any more than I need cigarettes.

It helped to spend such time on the computer in the various websites. I feel so drawn again to the raw foods. My mouth is watering for good food. I welcome this!

I sure passed out last night in a sludgy state of relaxation...a good detox going on but I felt so 'floaty' and sleepy. The main thing that was bothersome to Nth degree was the worst godawful taste in my mouth. I had a warm cup of lemon water in eve and was asleep by 8 and woke up at 9. Lovely. Felt so much better! Just from one day fast from all that worthless injurious non-food.

I work tomorrow anyway, so I ate at 1:30: orange, apple.
Soon after I had a baby spinach/green leaf salad with a tsp of grated beet and a bit of tomato and one scrumptiulishish olive. The salad was so wonderful. Amen.

Bikram yoga at 4:30. This is why I decided to eat instead of go a few more hours, I wanted badly to take a yoga class. Sweat like crazy...good. I feel great.

After yoga, I made banana milk with 5 bananas and 5 dates, and ate 2 strawberries.
Hit the spot.

Such a feeling of renewal from only such a tiny short fast and a long sleep and a great yoga class (super oxygen and super sweating!) and a big dose of banana milk.

What a difference. Yesterday I was....awhhhh, who cares about yesterday.
I feel very much more alive and positive.

I ate several tangerines and many bananas this morning. At breaktime I had a banana and then a salad I made: baby spinach, green leaf, cucumbers, celery, tomato. Had a dollop of cottage cheese on as dressing. Lunch...big salad. Breaktime afternoon: more salad. Home-so far, a tangerine. I don't know what I am going to eat. Feel depressed about it---nighttime---want the habitual stuff and feel angry. I think I may forego dinner. Maybe if my attitude settles down I will go for some fruit and celery.

I had a good day. Just grumpy now, faced with an evening of bullshit food problems. Cravings. I am going to make some tea and get in bath and then bed and breathe nice and deeply and read. Maybe have some real food, like an apple and celery. This all sounds all right. I am just fine. Onward. Just let me sleep well.

I had an all right evening. I ate some guacamole.

Today, much as yesterday. but a papaya was ripe..and tasty. More tangerines, bananas, celery before breaktime when I had a salad. Same for lunch. Am craving greens as well as fruit. I did have a cookie.

I will eat something raw and healthy later, not sure what. May make another salad! Will probably eat some fruit first. Well, I'll see what happens.

I feel better. Which is very very good. (I was feeling so sick from my trespasses.) I'm so "fed up" with this food issue. I'm tired of starting over, over and over again. As for now, just get through another evening in as happy and grateful way as possible, thinking how much good I am doing for myself (again) . Will read some more from my raw/NH books and bolster my motivation.

Smoothie: apple, 2 bananas, 2 handfulls lettuce. I am enoying it.

I ate some cooked food last night, something Amy's that I found in freezer, and a few bites of chocolate that I also found by surprise. So, I ate it. Could feel the difference when I woke up this a.m. I actually threw away most of it. I could do without it, after all.....miracle.

Today my goal is all raw. And I feel positive about it.

Am packing, moving. Big job...but, no time urgency, and looking forward to new place.
Will go to yoga class this afternoon. After a busy day of packing, the yoga will be so good. It will be relaxing and de-tiring. And the more often I can go to class the better I will be with the detoxing as I change to 100% raw. There will be some detoxification to do, I know. The yoga will help tremendously. Not only by profuse sweating for 90 minutes, but the effect on bodily organs and systems. What a perfect adjunct to this change back to raw. Super sweet.

Today's food should be much the same! I will need to go to store soon...running out of fruit. Am eating so many bananas. I need oranges badly. I want papayas.

I've lost some pounds.

Once in awhile I am so aware of how much things are changing....seemingly so slowly....and this whole cigarette/food drama seems tediously and tortuously slow.,,.,.and yet, much has changed and so much 'in the works' now. I need patience with myself and I need to congratulate myself for the desire and momentum I do have.

I work in a toxin supply house, ha ha....I cashier. All day long I ring up stuff I have overcome, or am trying to overcome. Often for the same person: ice cream, candy, alcohol, cigarettes. And sometimes when I am tired or just bored and weary and need a break, an escape, some comfort, I ring all this crap up and ....sigh.

E.

I am increasing good food, but am not entirely able to relinquish junk food. I requested 4 days off (could've used more but ...) and I am going to fast. This is what I REALLY NEED at this point. At least 3.5 days. Perhaps 4, as I don't need to go to work until 1:00 on Thurs.

Still struggling. Lurk occasionally. I live in san diego where there is a large raw community and I may connect. I need support, comraderie. None here. Signing off, Elakti.

Well here I am online, and I think I"ll type a bit.

The infamous struggle continues (kudos to me for persevering despite such costant failures). Still on junk food (along with better eating during first part of day) but the afternoons and the evening are atrocious. I feel like I am fighting city hall. Cravings are abominably powerful...apparently impossible to overcome...and gastric irritation, low-blood sugar, malaise, etc etc etc. Sugar fat starch cravings galore. Miserable condition. I do all I can to generate motivation and determination and review my extensive library of raw food and health books (all rawfood and NH...Ehret, Shelton, Walker, etc), and I reinforce memory of my own experience on raw food and I yearn for that lifestyle/diet again......and all this is like a little paddle in the face of a tidal wave of cravings and low blood sugar and gastric rumblings and groanings and demand for this tidal wave of chips and bagels and pizza and candy and ice cream....

SO! In my recent re-readings and re-organization of thoughts, I have come to the conclusion that I am so damned toxic that this toxicity is the tidal wave and I need to reduce it.

SO! Today I have scheduled an electro-lymph treatment followed by a colonic! I am so excited and hopeful that this will HELP ME in this huge stalemate I am in. I want to have a series of about 6 colonics while VERILY HONESTLY SUCCESSFULLY eating much much much better towards all raw again. I KNOW my lymph and liver and colon are congested and I suspect that this is the "tidal wave" pressure that I cannot overcome. I am hoping this surge of cleansing will give my mental/emotional self the freedom to have some control over what I want. Psychologically, it will give support. Physically, I will be cleaner and the organs can start refreshing themselves to better function. And I can have the power to resist cravings so I can at least start over.

I have 4 days off, hallelujah. I only drank water, lemon water, and a couple glasses of carrot, cucumber, celery juice, and a glass of one orange squeezed into glass water yesterday. I brushed my skin. Today is my first treatment. I will continue the fast until sunday afternoon when I will eat before I return to work (a junk food mecca) on Monday.

I felt so much better this am when I woke up. Lately, I have been feeling so very terrrible. I have a massive sweat usually at 5 or 6 am...a viscous smelly (weird smells) drenching sweat. This comes from the junk food mini binges at night. If I don't do them so severely, the sweat-out is less. If I don't do at all, it is non-existent or nearly. I wake up feeling like death warmed over. Then I drink strong coffee and smoke so I can crawl through the day.

Yes, I started smoking again after 6 months off. Another chapter in this long story. I, again, stopped quitting so I could control my overeating...but, it didn't even work this time. Now I am still addicted to both. Oi Veh.

Well.....I am very pumped up heh heh about my colonic today. And the ELT. I am so so so very very very hopeful. I've got to work this out, figure out how to do what I want to do. This could very well be the key.

Time will tell.

Hey Elakti--
Support is important and that's why I have started participating in these forums -- to get and give it. I feel like I need to be better at this raw foods thing (which for me is so important to my health) if I am going to try to advise others, so you're supporting me while I attempt to support you (one of those synergy things!). So here's my 2 cents: Keep remembering how good you feel once you stay on raw foods and how much you are nourishing your whole self while you are detoxing and having the symptoms associated with it. I'm struggling with cooked foods at times, but as the overall percentage of raw foods in my life keeps going up, I want less junk, and now when I do eat cooked, it's generally a lot healthier than it used to be (brown rice instead of fries). It's definitely a journey. And gradually wean yourself of the coffee and cigs if you can't seem to go cold turkey, but remember they really are hurting you and the healthy person you really want to become. And after the first two weeks or so of quitting cigs and coffee, you'll probably quit missing these destructive habits.
Peace
Sundancer

Thank you so much for your support, Sundancer. Your support and advice is well taken. Your stopping by really means a lot to me.

I was at the treatment center for over 3 hours and came home with a bag of colon cleansing aids and probiotics and an herbal candida killer. Okay. I am willing. I know and appreciate what Dr. Graham says about candida....but, the trouble is back at the beginning of the circle: I can't eat that way! So I am going to do this program during the next 5 weeks of colon therapy. There is a bentonite/psyllium/herbal ingestion done for 2 days before the colonic. Probiotics every night.

I was told that the candida is very high. I have so many candida symptoms. I'm going to take the herbs. With this program I feel positive and supported and I believe very strongly in the value AT THIS TIME AND STAGE FOR ME of colonics and the companion bentonite cleanse . I feel like I AM DOING SOMETHING and I have goals. Goal # 1--go through rest of day on my fast. Tomorrow---fast. Sunday---break fast late afternoon. Prepare raw food for work on Monday. Do as well as I can until next colonic on Friday. Wed and Thurs do the Bentonite shake 3x's day. Drink lots water. Sleep as much as possible.

I also had a ionic foot spa, as they were having a special and I got the three therapies for only 10 or20 dollars more than the two. Wow. I had heard of this only recently. Amazing. what sludge that water turned into. I was filling out paperwork and when I was finished I looked at the water and my eyes bugged out, I"m sure.

The lymphatic cleanse was relaxing. At times I laughed and giggled...a defense mechanism disguising malfunction and pain underneath. I laughed and giggled in liver area and intestinal area Bingo. Well, I had a good laugh! So did the operator.

The colonic got rid of excessive gas....so much gas, unreal. No giggling.
There was one good pass of stuff and liver toxins. Otherwise, gas, gas, gas.
I don't think we got water but halfway up the transverse, if that far. So, the bentonite will help for the next colonic.

I went to Home Depot afterwards and bought some flowers. Had a bit of a walk after the bus left me off on end of line. Very hot. I sweat a lot. My body has had a spa like day!!!

I drank water and made vegetable juice: carrots, a fat cucumber, celery, and a piece of beet. I still have some in fridge for later. Bed early; have a new colon book to read. No pint of ice cream tonight! Just probiotics and water...maybe a weak cup of tea.

But---I am relaxed and feel enthusiastic and hopeful.

It's a new day. Such a good sleep. I feel better. And, incidentally, am down 9 lbs. So much gas and bloat is gone. Less tightness and pressure in abdomen and upper stomach or liver area. I had a very hard pouffy area which S. Cabot calls the "liver roll"...that is nearly gone. I think the liver detoxed more yesterday than the colon was able to release (except for all that gas and good riddance to that!).

And I am very impressed by sludgy result of foot spa. Holey Smoley what a visual.

The color was dark dark dark brown with orange in it. The orange indicates joint detox and the brown indicates liver detox and tobacco! I stared at that color that came out of my body and wondered...could it be that this is actually the same mess that I clean off my walls? Probably. Detoxing from poor liver or cells of body. One thing I hate about smoking too much is that I feel "saturated" and feel the saturation even in tissues of mouth, yuck. Not only the lungs...the whole body must be saturated with the myriad poisons.

Okay. First things first. My problem has been an Overwhelm Viscious Circle. Right now, this body cleanse with help of colonics. See how it goes, how it frees me up (what I am hoping). I will switch to American Spirit (no chemicals) cigs and smoke those until I am able to address this humdinger.

Oh, also in the foot spa...in middle was this growing patch of bubbles...black bubbles! The water is clean when you first put your feet in! The bubbles indicate lymph cleanse and/or parasites. At the end of 45 min. I was staring at a muddy brown cesspool with gurgling mini mountain of black bubbles.
Very Eye-Opening!

Last evening, I got so tired. I didn't rest enough when I got home...should have gone to bed. When I did get in bed I couldn't read, and just passed out. Feel quite good now! Today is Day 3 of fast also, and this is usually a very uncomfortable flu-ey type sick day. So far, (only 7:30 am) I feel so relaxed and have no 'symptoms'. I plan to do just a little paddling around in garden, if able, and otherwise I wish I would just LIE DOWN AND REST. This sense of relaxation must be respected...it doesn't feel like a negative weakness but a positive pleasant floating feeling, like the body saying that so much good is going on right now and I need to relax into it and let it clean.

No hunger. No gastric disturbance. Quiet stomach. The organs that have been so sick seem so much more peaceful. The other day at work I felt close to passing out and one co-worker was worried and wanted to escort me outside or to bathroom. Said I was pale as ghost. I was so nauseous and dizzy, felt so close to passing out, felt so so bad. Was on a biochemical warfare inside...eating junk, drinking cappucino to get me through another hour or two, eating something floury and pasty and then crashing again, then another cappucino or candy bar, etc....on a checmical see saw trying to stay at work, driven by insane cravings that wre making me so sick yet I had so much gastric disturbance in stomach ("hunger pains", gas, etc.) that I tried to eat this junk. I was hugely bloated and the liver roll was rock hard. I broke out in large pimple on face (uncustomary).

Everything is in a nice quiet hush today. I feel serene in this most welcome relaxation.

What a relief. I really love NH, but I believe too that for someone of my age and condition there is a need for this kind of --almost emergency--assistance in form of cleansing and colonics. Two days ago I was a cesspool and a timebomb and suffering. After the fasting and the 3 treatments yesterday I feel just like I've been drained of a significant amount of poisons with a parallel increase in peacefulness and mental strength.

I know I have a big job ahead of me. I am a little nervous about getting way bloated from the bentonite and psyllium shakes I have to drink and being at work. And the candida formula...I don't know yet how that will make me feel, I think there might be some discomfort and difficulty from the formula and the dying off of myriads of creatures who are very hungy for doughnuts and ice cream. Aaaaagh, I'm not going to worry about it.

For now, I'm going to float in this quiet hush....and dream of greens.

dreaming of greens

I almost entertained idea of breaking fast....dreaming about greens. I'm trying to hold off til tomorrow.

Much rest today. Couldn't even read. Had several achey achey hours. Much low back pain, some groin pain, odd little twinges and pains here and there, intermittent headaches, irritability, mild depression. I got up a little while ago and watered all the plants. Beautiful now, after hot day. I feel much better, no pains, a little lift of energy and spirit.

Then I made a glass of carrot celery apple juice.

There is an ingredient in the candida formula which i am suspicious of, some kind of sodium. I am not sure if I want to take it until I learn more. Looked it up but everything was so scientific I couldn't understand.

Later I am going to reread what Graham has to say about it. I remember he says it is actually the fat that is the culprit, by keeping the sugar in bloodstream. But, right now I know definitely that I can't eat 811....that is the original problem...I can't seem to eat raw again. I am breaking my fast with intention to eat as well as possible and try to stay away from processed foods. I may have to allow myself tortillas for wraps or ... I don't know. I plan to eat raw, but with no restraint on fat (avos, olives, tahini dressing).

I sure am looking forward to a salad. I have lots of ripe mangos which I won't mind eating, but I'm craving greens and oranges. Romaine and sunflower sprouts.

Just want to get back to raw real food....811 can come later...after I get past 911.