Woke up this morning after 3 days' fast feeling so so much better! Wow, what a change from 4 days ago.

I am going to eat today. I think I'll have mango first. Then, soon after, a salad. I finally am wanting a salad! I haven't even wanted salads the past several weeks or months....so in the red zone I was, so out of whack with all the bad stuff.

Now to get into Green zone. Am I craving greens. And oranges. And mangos. And cherimoyas. And papayas. And fresh apple juice. And melons, watermelons.

Okay! I feel redirected and refocused! My appetite feels sane again! Now, my job is to ALWAYS have LOTS of this fresh produce close to me, within reach.

And it is summer fruit time!

I had a mango which was so delicious.

Went to People's food co-op and spent more than I've ever spent. I bought so much and lots of cherimoyas and canteloupe and gaia melons, huge bag of valencias, of bananas. Pears, apples (3 kinds), strawberries and greens and sugar snap peas, tahini and avos and olives and so much . I also bought some dense flaxseed bread (put in freezer), and some sprouted corn tortillas for wraps.

I ate a delicious salad there before shopping, it was so so so so good!

Hallelujah.

One of the Gaia melons is ripe and I am looking forward to that later.

No elimination yet. Off and on also today I have pain in kidney area. Much must be traveling through system via kidneys, from the treatments the other day and from the 3 day fast. The kidney pain comes and goes in waves, every few hours. I pee a lot, too.

I go back to work tomorrow....have plenty of good food to take. I have a large lunch bag and I will fill it up! I cannot will not succumb to anything but my fresh produce. Or, maybe I will take a half slice of that bread as a fail-safe, to eat with salad.

I feel so much better, it's wonderful.

Am I off coffee? I think so. I went through the day without it. I had 2 swallows this am and threw it out, it was so gross.

Hallelujah. (I will drink tea)

I'm amazed I've had no coffee today.

I had the gaia melon, a tad bit overripe.
Also had a cherimoya and several prunes.

(still no bm) (still having the periodic kidney pain, it just comes and builds to much discomfort and then totally disappears. The sessions are shorter duration since this morning.)

Had a good good salad for dinner. I also took enzymes and probiotic.

Also had 1/2 cup weak Oolong tea.

Congrats on kicking the coffee, Elakti! Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep it up!
Sundancer

Thank you very much Sundancer. Yes, back on track! I have hope, I have a grip....although "grip" sounds tense and I really feel markedly more relaxed!


I bought Mucous Free Diet or whatever it is called by Ehret...I have one with well worn pages, but this copy is longer, more complete. He was amazing. I am rereading it again as though I've never read it before...so amazing what he figured out and learned, so much by his own experimentation and intelligence.

Last night I read this book after my big salad. As time went on I felt a little hungry so ate 3 prunes.

Slept well. Woke up 5:30 feeling really good, slight sweat (not the usual sticky soaking). I notice this morning: no desire for coffee (omg), much clearer mental state, no dread of work, clothes fit better, and best of all my body feels better. Less stiff joints!
Usually, very stiff in lower back, hip, legs. I'm so happy to be responding so positively. It has really been a turn around these past 4 days and I look back on the 3 treatments I had, the fast, the vegetable juice, water, lemon water (lemon I've read is also very alkalinizing), and the fresh organic produce yesterday and feel grateful and proud of myself. I do keep trying. Now to go to work and stay committed. It is imperative that I don't get too hungry.

Am drinking weak Oolong. Had 1/2 large canteloupe, and will soon eat more fruit. When I pack my lunch I will also prepare a small salad to eat BEFORE I start work. I must be full and I know I am not ready for just fruit before work. And I am really craving greens, which always happens with me after a long period of junk food. Leaves, I want romaine and spinach. Minerals.

Oh, last night with my salad I did break into the corn tortillas and had one with salad in it. Good.

BM this morning! Very carrotty coloured, and very thin, like there isn't much space in there.

Healing in process.

My blood pressure is down from 145/90 to 133/77. I am sure glad to see that. (in just 5 days!)

And my bowels moved this evening after work!

It was fairly good day, a few rough spots, but I came through ok. I took 3 tupperware things of salad, tahini dressing. Corn tortilla. I ate the strawberries and banana before work. A salad at breaktime, a salad at lunch with tortilla, a pear at breaktime, a banana walking home from work, and when I got home a little while ago I ate 2 oranges, a cherimoya, and 3 prunes.

Oh, and no coffee! Didn't even have tea at work, altho' wanted a cup (didn't have time to get it..but my energy didn't crash...just had the woozies a few times from "hunger" )

The salad portions I ate were not that big (so little time to eat, and it is so chewy). And I felt hungry and weak and woozie a few times ... normally would be scarfing down refined carbos. After lunch I had fruit cravings though. But, I had just eaten a salad. Anyway, had 3 dates and that helped.

I wish the papayas were ripe, that is what I am craving. I have mangos and will eat those. May make some vegetable juice. I am glad to be home. Very hot today, and I live by ocean.

Anyway, I guess because of the heat and my abstinence from refined carbs, I am craving juicy sweet fruit.

I am so pleased with how I feel, my lowered blood pressure, and------like a little kid, pleased with my BM

YAY!!!

This morning I woke with much bloating and pressure in colon....released soon after getting up. I guess I'll refrain from description...

I've ony had orange and banana so far. I go to work at 1:00 today..so I have plenty of time to make my lunch...heh heh. I plan on eating real well: fruit, a green smoothie, and even get in a big salad right before work. I want to go to work full and also have lots of food with me again...more fruit than yesterday, more dates. I may take some pumpkin seeds. I just have to plan the food combining and time sequences well. I want to avoid the woozies,but that may just take time since my system is so whacked out...but getting better.

I am looking forward to my second colonic on Fri. Wed and Thurs I need to do the psyllium/betonite 3 x's a day...am a little worried about how much I may bloat up and feel discomfort...luckily I'll only have one day at work with this as I also have Thurs off. good good.

tea this morning, not coffee wow I hope to keep this up. Everyday I have to read from my books, keep my goals before my eyes constantly. I don't want to see the tidal wave of cravings.

The main tools are lots of good food with me, and the Ehret book or some other favorite. I read it during breaks and lunch and reaffirm the rightness of what I want to do.

I had some tough moments, mostly of anger, while ringing up purchases all day long...beer, alcohol, cigarettes, candy candy candy chocolate chocolate roasted salted sugared nuts, chips chips chips, pharmaceuticals...with the above mentioned "food" there is the steady stream of antacids, stool softeners, mucous eliminators, cold and flu 'remedies' and suppressants, pepto abysmal, gas & indigestion remedies, chemicals, chemicals, etc ad nauseum. What an environment to be in! I'm trying again to break free from all that trash and reading Ehret at breaktime...and then return to the cash register to process all that crap!!! Interesting.

What a dichotmy. It isn't pleasant and I have to keep my head and emotions out of it and maybe probably get another job. The environment is the exact opposite of what I believe in and want!

I'm going to get a nice unbreakable bowl to eat my salad in at work. I don't like eating out of tupperware. I may get a thermos to take tea. But that will add more weight, I already carry so much and I walk a mile and half with it all. Walking is good, so this walk is a good thing. It will be easier when I lose more weight. I am losing, just a few pounds and I feel it, much better. I feel so much better, it is great. I MUST keep up with this, I must persevere. I want so much to be clean and healthy. I know I've got a lot of work ahead of me. I am very excited about the next 5 or 6 weeks of bentonite cleanse/ colonics. I know it wo't be easy and the bentonite and herbal formulas are going to really do some heavy duty cleansing, but the colonics are going to whoooosh it out regularly. Sounds like a Plan to me.

No concern over candida. I already feel so much better and I believe what Graham says about it. I will try as hard as I can to keep fat down...20% would be good. Or even, oh whatever. Right now I just must be raw. I don't go crazy with raw food, don't eat nuts, can "control avocados" LOL, don't eat raw concocions, don't use oil in dressings. (altho' I may make some dressings with a little oil soon). I'm just not worried about it...just need to not partake of any of the junk that is at work! At this stage, some dressing with oil and an avocado in my salad is a helluva an improvement over milky ways, cappucinnos, pizza, etc. I'm thinking that this cleanse I am starting is going to help me a lot. Already I can't believe how naturally and easily I am not drinking coffee! I had a viscious habit!

I've got to go eat. Mangos are first on the menu. Yummmmmm

banana and mango
Smoothie: 2 bananas,1 1/2 apples, 2 handfulls romaine

banana
banana and strawberries and prunes

Salad: romaine, bits of olives, tomato, cucumber, pine nuts w/ basil dressing

avocado at afternoon break. I was very hungry and craving something heavier than sweet fruit and remembered I had the avocado and banana. I chose the avo...it hit the spot and was extremely delicious.

Home now after work, it is 10:30 late and I feel hungry. I will eat a mango or cherimoya (or both).

Had cup of english breakfast tea (was getting caffeine withdrawal headache). Couldn't finish as it made me so nauseous.

All is well. A little gas still. More energy, better mood. It seems that I didn't regain any of the weight I lost from fast, but am continuing to lose. Good riddance to this fat and waste. I'm happy with each day going by on raw foods, no junk, thnking I am getting cleaner each day. Little by little day by day. Tomorrow starts the psyllium/bentonite cleanse....I hope I don't blow up.

Gaia melon. bananas
breaktime: bananas and strawberries
later: avocado (I was starving and couldn't wait til lunch)
Lunch: romaine salad w/ tomato, cucumber, olives, a little feta cheese and a few croutons, (got this from italian restaurant), sun dried tomatoes.

I was rushed this morning, did not make a lunch except to grab the fruit. I got that salad and opted for the "extras" I was so so so famished. I wanted heavy filling food, as in bread. The salad came with warm buttered bread and I said no to that. sigh.

I have just had a pear since I got home. And the bentonite/psyllium shake. I feel full from that for now. Will eat later. Drinking water now. At lunch I was so frickin hungry that I did not do the bentonite shake. At work there is a serious time problem (only have 30 minutes, what a drag....salad takes more time and chewing. And how to do the shake at work? I have to figure this out and do better next week. Also, I forgot about the herbal formulas I am to take 2 hours after the shake! Not a stellar start. Luckily tomorrow is day off and I can be more diligent.)

I took the second shake at 6 and I may do another before I go to bed if I am up fairly late, since I missed the midday dose.

I got so sleepy and worn out latter part of work day....no coffee. No Cappucino. I did have a cup of tea at breaktime, I was like a sleepwalker. And a cranky one at that. Got a bit irritable and down. Wanted bread and coffee. Then, really got cranky and uptight. Got angry about something...really angry.
I feel better now, so glad to be home, and have 2 days off. Looking forward to doing better tomorrow. Much to do (chores and such) but that's cool; Friday will be more open and also will have the colonic.

I have a desire for shredded beets and carrots...maybe add something to that with some baby spinach. Maybe make some juice.

Tomorrow I am going to do lots of housework and some gardening work.

I bought thing of Epsom Salts and I am going to also take a nice bath....this may also draw out some toxins. Tomorrow afternoon or evening.

Still re-reading Ehret. And a colon cleansing book I got from hydrotherapist. In book there is a picture of a colon that is exceptionally humongus, I mean huge huge huge gargantuan. (removed after autopsy) Also a pic of this man's torso, a grossly huge "belly" which housed this immense colon. Very SAD. A most extreme case...altho I wonder....so many americans waddle around with such bellies, and mine is grossly out of proportion to rest of me. I can look quite pregnant, especially when I was so full of gas, so much of which came out in first colonic. I mean, I honestly looked close to due date with all that gas ( it has really gone down)

In fact, a co-worker said "You've lost weight". Yes! If I keep this up (I WILL!) the weight should be coming off nicely...so much toxic waste and I will be that much cleaner. Side effect: I can get some smaller clothes.

Oh and my blood pressure today was 128/77!

I don't know who is reading this but I'm glad to say that I'm sorry to say that I am a veritable @#$%& machine. I've gone 4 x's today, and the last time was really much improved. No more detail, even though I could go further!

It's the cleanse, wow.

Have accomplished a lot of work, in patio and in house. Have eaten several pieces of fruit, had a smoothie with papaya, bananas and strawberries. Had a delicious canteloupe, and a good cherimoya.

Salad: romaine, sugar snap peas, grated carrot and beet, olives, grape tomatoes, cucumber.

I actually tried some coffee this morning...couldn't drink it though. Had maybe 1/2 cup.

In about 2 hours I will do another bentonite "shake".

Last night I "wanted" the habit of nighttime ice cream. I ate some prunes. I sure like prunes. They are from People's co-op so they are not sulphured.

I feel pretty good. a little tired will rest now for awhile and then want to bathe my dog and do a couple more household chores.

The weather is lovely, sun in and out, now wind is picking up and it is cloudy. The ocean is lively again (we've had a calm ocean for days).

I need a nap.

I haven't napped yet, but I cleaned up the hibiscus tree and straightened out the hose. I'm into cleaning and straightening hoses (colon)

I had the "shake" and just took the supps (6 herbal capsules). And drank a lot of water. I feel some distension and rumblings....I may be "going" again soon.

Ate bowl of chopped up bananas and strawberries, a few more prunes.

After this post, I am going to take the epsom salt bath I promised myself...and lie down for awhile.

Washed my little dog and she's beautiful. And it rained a little. And I'm craving watermelon and I don't have one. I'll eat oranges. Sounds good, too.

I look thinner, my distended belly is noticeably down in size.

banana

bentonite shake
water
2 oranges, 3 dates, 2 prunes

Last night had a massive elimination, amazing. This morning again, to lesser degree. This cleanse is super-duper, I like eliminating all this.

I definitely feel no worry about candida. I feel that a multitude has already bit the dust.

Last night I did have more fat than usual, I did have one salad that really topped off the fat consumption. And, that's ok. I was in a "craving mode" and felt very very hungry and appetitey. A little oil in dressing, a whole avocado, and 2 olives. Romaine, yellow crookneck squash, tomato, sugar snap peas. So good. I'm not worried. The fat in my blood must be so so much lower than it was before I started the fast, the raw food, and the cleansing.

I will eat fatty salads---I know I cannot avoid them at this stage---I'm going to be easy on myself. I am going to do this raw transformation in ways I can handle. I've had too much experience now falling off the wagon. Hence, the new addition this time of the colon cleansing. And it also helps the other organs like the liver, gallbladder, and spleen.

Onward.

Looking forwrd to the colonic today. It should be more productive this time.

It was much more productive, and I had had a v. good elimination before leaving for my colonic appt.! She pointed out what was toxic elimination from the liver and gallbladder. I just thought it was murky water (given the environment), but she said it was liver business. It sometimes had a green tint. There was also much more solids displayed in our viewing tube, a little bit of gas bubbles. The last couple fills came out cleanish and I felt done and we were done. 45 minutes. She was v. impressed and pleased that I had done so well eating 99% raw (I splurge once in awhile with croutons on salad....I know this is a crummy splurge and will change it soon).

She is going to refund the cost of the candidacide, which I didn't expect. Nice.

I was waiting for the bus at 3:15 and was so famished. I had only had the fruit I've already mentioned plus some more oranges and a smoothie with mango, banana, and romaine.

Got home and made a mammoth salad covering a dinner plate and mounding heartily which I ate heartily. It was phenomenal, I was so hungry.
Romaine, spinach leaves, these delicious sweet grape tomatoes, chips of yellow squash, yellow bell pepper, yummy cucumber, a few thin wisps of red onion, ....and a few croutons, she adds sheepishly.

Now am drinking a cup of decaf earl grey.

I felt good after the colonic (altho so hungry). Lighter. Cleaner.

Oh, and I also had a papaya this morning --- scrumptilicious! How grateful I feel to be so enjoying this natural food again.

Wow Elakti, this is awesome! I need to do what you're doing. I've been thinking and reading about colonics and other cleansing methods and feel like this is my next step. I also have a problem of eating some cooked (20%) and regretting it later. I need to grow some will power. Anyway, keep it up -- you're inspiring me!!!
Sundancer

Elakti,

Left a reply for you on "my" blog, but thought I'd swing on over here and lend some support as well!

I have been reading your posts somewhat, but just sat down for a few to read everything from the beginning. Phew! You were right - you've had quite the journey there so far. I have every confidence that you will continue to do well and achieve your goals...just take it a step at a time, and, something else I've learned (!)- be gentle and patient with yourself!

I really enjoy reading your blog; you're such a clear, entertaining writer!

Have a wonderful day!

Hello...ahhh, so great to be off work---especially knowing that I have another day off tomorrow!

Sundancer and Soraya: Thanks so v. much for the confidence and support! Yes, it has been a bumpy ride and yes, I feel v. strongly that this colon cleansing is a vital key. One of the things I have learned from these past few years of on and off raw and junk is to KEEP AHEAD OF THE DETOXIFICATION OF WASTE. And much of what I've been reading lately, starting with the most recent book by Matt Monarch (Raw Spirit) who inspired me to reread Jensen and Walker, states that as well. The interview of Fred Bisci (in that book) is interesting indeed. Colonics are fine. The colonics and bentonite cleanse keep on top of the elimination. Bisci talks about this, and I say, "BINGO!"

I do think that that was PART of the problem in the past. I went 100% raw---I couldn't help it the first time...it was so natural!---and it was a major change and all 'my elimination was not being eliminated' so to speak. I think organs weren't working well enough yet, everything was clogged, etc. Maybe. I don't know. Anyway, this is all worth a try. Hopefully I am finessing my approach and success with this "Clean It Up" campaign. Actually, I'm "calmly excited" about it.

Thanks again, I hope we three will continue to communicate. It sure is helpful.

There are so many other reasons I 'failed', despite knowing this is the way to eat and have more fulfilling life (I want the calm and peace and freedom of health and vitality) and, of course, they are in the arena of emotions and old programs. These have a lot to do with karma, with conditioning from events and all relationships, behavior that began as defenses, and all that sort of thing. (and I also think all the poison and unnatural food is all intertwined in everything, sometimes the cause and sometimes the effect----I'm trying to express something here and it is coming out all vague and weird because I can't catch all the ideas into words fast enough. Food changes you. We've all heard of schools or prisons that changed diet to wholesome food (not even raw, just eliminating much of the bad stuff) and the people changed positively in character and behavior. I've seen myself change drastically in thought patterns and reactions, depending on whether I am eating poisons or real food. Anyway, I got off on tangent.

I was going to say that the past few months I've had mamy insights into my patterns of negativity and self sabotage. I've "worked" a little with someone I call my "therapist" and have made some inroads into breaking down some blocks and opening up to changing very very long standing negative patterns. Working on it. Can't say too much more at this point. But, am hoping that what I've seen so far is enough to open my road to raw food lifestyle. I want that area of my physical self-care (eating, feeding body) to bring me vitality and energy and poise so I can then forget about it and do what I need to do and also do what I want to do....which are some things that I can't seem to do in a muddy murky body driven by cravings and biochemical battles. Over eating vile foods gives me anxiety and bad thoughts and keeps me anchored and entrenched in moods and reactions and crisis I don't want. And the reactions and anxiousness and moods keep me anchored and entrenched in strong cravings and false escape and fasle satisfaction in sugar fat and starch.

I"m trying to unravel all this! Yikes! So much for clear writing! I understand it though!

Simpler thing: Today I ate
banana
smoothie: apple, banana, romaine

oranges
bananas

salad--same as before

home: 5 oranges

Later will make a fruit smoothie or have a salad.

A friend is buying a watermelon for me...


In afternoon, I was so hungry and I could feel the need for carbohydrates. I wanted carbohydrates. I didn't have any fruit, so I finished my salad which was yummers and when I got home I ate 5 oranges and a banana and felt so good.

I also had avocado, at my first break. Love avos.

Last night I had good energy. Also was v hungry. I wanted to skip eating since it was late (9:30) or just eat fruit but I didn't have anything much. I found a pear which was good. Papayas unripe, unripe bananas, no more mangos or strawberries, didn't feel like more oranges (!), and I'm not an apple person (I usually use in smoothies) so I made a good sized salad with too much stuff on it (including croutons, oi veh). I was gassy afterwards. Also went to bathroom a litte.

It's ok. Better than a pint of ice cream.

Housemate bought a watermelon (didn't want to break into that because of the pee factor).

So this morning I am eating watermelon. Not real good, but it will do. I got to thinking about the Hillcrest fantastic farmer's market every sunday. There would be some good ones there, even seeded. And other great produce. It's a big farmer's market, so much, from all the farms around here. I was thinking...how to go? I don't know. A cab would cost 25 or 30 dollars, whoaaaa !

This morning as I left house to walk Masha and come over to a friend's house whose cat I am feeding and whose computer I use, I saw a friend who said she would take me to the farmer's market someday. Lovely! What a fun shop that will be!

It is astounding that I actually need to do more fruit shopping. I spent so so much money last week at People's store. I will have to do some shopping at the local (by my workplace) market---bananas and mangos even tho' not organic. The bananas are sometimes ok, sometimes make me gag. I love organic bananas, such a difference in flavor. I mostly use the inorganic for smoothies. Still have sufficient vegetables and greens,

I've read what some of the 80-10-10 true blues eat and (specially the guys) I am astounded at the quantity of fruit. I'd have to work 3 jobs and I can barely tolerate my one job which I had to cut down to 4 days to avoid @#$%& job hari-kari----that would be extreme colostomy, LOL!!! Not exactly the colon care I'm really aiming for!

Ahhh, found a Dog Whisperer episode.

I have no plans for the day. Lovely.
Only watermelon and ... ????

Elakti,

Quite to the contrary of what you may think or feel, yesterday's post was very suscinct and beautiful! Those two paragraphs (before your food list) are SO what I've been seeing / going through as well, and express some of what I"VE been trying to convey in my last few postings as well!

I can also strongly relate to the shock of realizing how much fruit / produce we actually need to purchase and keep at hand at all times; I must confess that I am really still getting too little! It's been challenging to figure out how much I need to get at one time, and still keep a rotation of different fruit available at differing ripening stages...

Actually got another lift to the store again yesterday, yayyyy!!!

Earlier this morning I spent about half an hour laying in the sun after some light housework. After checking in here I'm heading back on the deck - in the shade, this time - to lie down on a lounger accompanied by a nice, thick novel...and a small bowl of cherries...yummnnn!!!

Enjoy your peaceful and relaxing day!

Thanks, Soraya. It was just that I was seeing something that I couldn't quite get to descend into sentences, you know? But, I quess something of it got captured. Anyway, thanks, I'm glad you could relate.

I have had a nice day, very easy-going. I ate watermelon (3/4) throughout day and did work in patio, planting flowers and watering. Housemate and I brought the birds outside. Sunny and mild for us all: 2 people, 2 birds, and 3 dogs.

We went to big bird store and bought new perches, swings, and toys for the birds. They are a big hit.

I ate banana. Had had one orange earlier. And 3/4 of a large medium sized watermelon.

At 4:00 I made a salad---the usual--which was delicious....but, I still feel hungry and feel unsatisfied.....I want to EAT MORE. And I want something chewy and crispy and salty. Sounds like .... well, I was thinking of something else, but it does sound like celery, too!

I ws looking at Matt Monarch's RawFood World site...wow, what an extensive bookstore. Am I tempted to go crazy. I also want a saladacco. I want to make zucchini "schetti". I used to do so with a peeler,but I bet the saladacco does it better. And make tomato concoction for it. With olives. Mmmmmm. I want to get his other book and I want to read Angela Stoke's "Raw Emotions".

I definitely am feeling 'hungry' sensations. Something is needed. What? I think it is about 3 papayas but I don't have them.

Anyway, I love to read rawfoodism books. I need more. I am a book junkie. There are about 10 books I want.

Definitely have to food shop tomorrow--even if just at non-organic market--for fruit. They have mangos. I need mangos. Now.

Yup, must be fruit I feel need for. Now. I'll probably finish the oranges today. I have apples. I'll make a fruit smoothie of bananas, apples, pear (I do have one more). And I'll probably feel better. After this salad is all digested....fruit smoothie.

I am not having my colonic this week...hydrotherapist is out of town and the only other appt time with someone else is not possible for me. So, I'll have to wait 'til following week, it might work out that I can go in beginning of that 2nd week. Well, whatever, it will be good. I'll be ready.

Now going to the late afternoon sunshine or to my bed to rest. I feel sleepy, I feel like letting go. It's a good relaxing floating feeling. Let go. I think that might be a byword for me these days, letting go. It is a good theme...and also the theme physically of the colonics...and on a higher platform, letting go of inner tensions and mental/emotional waste.

I think I'll sleep on it, .

Hey Elakti--
I totally got what you were saying. Not only did I get it, but it totally resonates with me and answers some questions that I've been asking myself, like the elimination thing. I always feel like I'm not getting rid of everything, even when I eat all raw (I'm currently at about 70% and wanting to -- needing to increase, because my body hates me when I eat cooked). I've been thinking that I am going to need to go on a colonic / bentonite regimen, but what I really need is to commit to 100%. I ate pasta at work tonight and am sooooo gassy. Also, I notice how what I eat ties in with my emotions. I do this then always wonder why! Am I that much of a masochist??? :{ I know I'll get there, though -- it's a transition, and the percentage keeps going up, as does the quality of everything else I eat. Programming the brain is the first step to changing the behavior, right?

Yeah, Sundancer, I think it does begin with thought coupled with DESIRE AND WILL. There's also that damned other will that has been having its way, negatively, but we're tired of it and see the falseness of it's satisfaction.
You know, I have real HUNGERS...and they are not for food. And, however and for whatever reasons, this HUNGER has been entwined by addictions, not just food addictions, and I guess this is why rawfoodism is so difficult and potentially so transformative and freeing for me. And I guess most of us have to deal with these same or similar issues.

Thanks, Sundancer, for the support and input. I really look forward to posts from you and Soraya.

I want this untanglement and self awareness and freedom to satisfy the real hunger that is more than physical. Love, spirituality, self-love, the power to pursue my loftier goals...this is all tied into this raw path for me. Because un-poisoning myself seems imperative and is also very difficult. Somehow it is like the character and personality I've been is so coloured by escapism and confusion and addictions and it is all such a web of emotions and refined sugar and escape from feelings and heavy undigestible starch and yearning for what is missing and tons of fat. It's as if choosing a rawfood diet --and a simple honest one-- is like tearing away from all that and presto! I have to deal with withdrawal from some pretty heavy-duty props and screens and crutches and ---oh, hell, on one side it is like withdrawal from other things like alcohol or cigs (emotionally) and on the other hand it is also marvelous and wonderful as health changes for the better. So, I guess I have to physically keep on top of the detox and elimination and also emotionally (maybe spiritually) KEEP UP with the whole kit and kaboodle!

That said, I had soup.

I was so friggin HUNGRY. I had a can of Amy"s Vegetable Minestrone and I ate it with croutons (ah ha!) AND a corn tortilla.

I wasn't prepared today to just eat watermelon ONLY all day. I got too hungry. Ok.

tomorrow I am buying more fruit and I am going to eat more fruit so that I am filling myself up with fruit and I will also eat my salads...soon sans croutons because I am not going to buy anymore.

If I don't stop the croutons I am going to get into trouble. I know. I will be living for these blasted croutons, I will eat salad just to have croutons, I will put tomato sauce and parmesan on the little devils and I will be in big time trouble. Bread is a biggie. It has got TO TO! Every Little Crumb!

Drat.

OK. Will buy bananas, avocados, mangos, and what else tomorrow at the non-organic market. Stuff myself with fruit. Isn't fruit filling and satisfying quickly? I can only eat one cherimoya or one mango at a time, maybe 2 papayas at a time, or often 5 valencias, or one or two bananas at a time...and I feel "done" for the moment. But I can sit down to junk food and not stop. Weird.
So, I will eat more often. Fruit. I CAN eat biggish salads though, or more fruit in a smoothie.

Onward.

Right now I am HUNGRY again.

What do I want?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2008 04:06AM by Elakti.

Well, I sure got hungry and restless last night, ate some Brazil nuts that I've had around for many months (about 4 nuts) and a very few pumpkin seeds, all chewed very well. Then, uncustomarily couldn't fall asleep. Not necessarily from the nuts, probably from an insominia type mood.

I feel pretty good this morn, a little extra mucousy in nose.

I won't be posting quite as much as I have been using a friend's computer, the one whose cat I've been feeding. My housemate said I could use her computer though, which is very nice, and will be helpful..I can probably post most eves.

I do like typng away, tapping on and on and on. I may be more brief, too!

Will leave for work earlier so I can go to store...for breakfast. I had a banana from Ralph's this morn. (housemate picked me up a few)...bleeccchhhh. Have a little watrmelon left over.

I'm a little worried about the fruit situation...the fruit I got at co-op is gone, except for 2 papayas and a few apples (which I don't gravitate to) and a couple oranges. No more celery, almost out of lettuce. I spent 160.00! When? Last week? I am concerned. Granted I spent too much on cherimoyas and papayas, but, wow, this is expensive and I don't even have ENOUGH.

I will learn to do better shopping (esp since it is also so hard w/out car) and will use non-organic market more for some things. Accessibility to good, real food and the expense are going to have to be figured out better. Not so much heavy expensive fruit, buy more bananas and more lettuce and oranges at one time, and ome inorganic. I've gotten good mangos elsewhere. I just usually try to stay away from berries and grapes and celery and greens that are inorganic.

Will try to do better today with food. I'm going to try to eat more fruit today. Can I say no to croutons today?

Elakti--
YOu said:
<<I want this untanglement and self awareness and freedom to satisfy the real hunger that is more than physical. Love, spirituality, self-love, the power to pursue my loftier goals...this is all tied into this raw path for me. Because un-poisoning myself seems imperative and is also very difficult. Somehow it is like the character and personality I've been is so coloured by escapism and confusion and addictions and it is all such a web of emotions and refined sugar and escape from feelings and heavy undigestible starch and yearning for what is missing and tons of fat. It's as if choosing a rawfood diet --and a simple honest one-- is like tearing away from all that and presto! I have to deal with withdrawal from some pretty heavy-duty props and screens and crutches and ---oh, hell, on one side it is like withdrawal from other things like alcohol or cigs (emotionally) and on the other hand it is also marvelous and wonderful as health changes for the better. So, I guess I have to physically keep on top of the detox and elimination and also emotionally (maybe spiritually) KEEP UP with the whole kit and kaboodle!>>
I say, AMEN,SISTER!!!
Have a great day!
Sundancer

Oh, boy do I feel you on the whole shopping situation (accessibility to food / expenses figured out better)! I've learned - the hard way, many times! - that having enough food at hand is crutial to sticking to your guns and makes it a lot easier to say no to those annoying cravings...that said, since I share your carless situation, I really understand just how challenging all of this is, as I'm still trying to work it out for myself!!!

Bread was always a love of mine, and hard to let go, somewhat...but the real "Goliath" for me was / is cheese!

***Chuckles*** I'm not an apple fan, either. I've a bag of little Fujis in my fridge, and do you think I've touched them anytime that I've found myself low on supplies??? Noooooo...

Just do your best today, and every day after that. I have every confidence in you that you'll do (and keep doing) well; it's all part of the process!

Be well!

Had a quick and painless day at work. Did much better also with the food. Had a banana before leaving house, walked to store by work and bought several mangos, a few avos, a few plums, apricots, several bananas and a head of romaine. Before work, I ate 2 okay bananas, a couple tasteless plums, a couple pretty good apricots.

Lunch: Salad so yummy. I didn't have time this morn. to make a salad (another thing to work on--preparation: make salad night before) and the owner of italian restaurant came into store and told me restaurant was closed today. I screeched "What am I going to do??" I didn't want a subway salad (no dressing, yechhhh). A few minutes later, he brought me a salad! How sweet of him! He makes a fantastic basil dressing which is a little too vinegary for me, but I like to use it as a base for tahini dressing. I will buy basil to make up my own, with maybe a touch of acv.

At breaktime, 2 hrs after eating the few pieces fruit, I was "famished", so I ate a banana and a plum, then 1/2 salad. I didn't have any indigestion even tho I did put salad on top of fruit. I usually am aware of food combining principles.

Lunchtime I ate the other half salad. Breaktime again and I ate a delicious avocado. The day's energy was good. Not too hungry in afternoon, which was good.

Home---Papaya (ahhhhhh) and a Smoothie: 2 bananas, left-over watermelon, mango. It was delicious. I felt so full. That was 6:15 and I want to see how long it lasts me. Now, hour later. I don't want to eat too late, so hopefully will just eat fruit later. Or, fatty satisfying avo.

So, that's the food run-down.

Hello Sundancer and Soraya!!!!! I'm so glad you pop in.

Yes---food and time and money management! Yikes, not easy. I must prepare food night before if I work early. I cannot spend any more money on eating out....I'm worried about money for food, as it is.

And I want to splurge on some books and maybe even a saladacco. Delete the maybe. I want one.

I actually found myself worrying today because I felt so good. The "what's going to happen?" syndrome. That's fear-based. I don't like that. So, I replaced that with enjoying the moment and forgetting about fear and negative thinking. My energy was fairly even after eating at breaktime throughout day, and I felt more calm than usual.

I have another day off tomorrow which helps.

It has been about 2 weeks now (?) since starting this new regime (again). No detoxy things yet, but definitely feel cleaner and less encumbered and more healthy and stable. weight seems to stay at 190 (down 10 pounds since fast and colonics and raw eating) --- soon I should think the weight will start coming off. I've noticed this before (I've done it so many times now)---it takes about 2 or so weeks of raw eating for my body to start the weight discard.

It feels like more than 10 pounds though. Midsection and abdomen have really gone down a lot. I think much of that was the massive gas I had. It was like that first colonic pierced a balloon.

I want this weight off. Patience, patience.

Yeah, I've got apples. Once in awhile, I eat one. Have you ever seen the tiny teensy apples? So cute! And perfect size for me! Two bites!

My little conure loves them. She had some papaya and smoothie---loved it!

Oh, I better sign off, I'm so verbose.

Epsom bath sounds good. Candlelight and tea. Bed and a book with my little dog next to me. She barks, and wags her tail in her sleep.

banana
smoothie
pear
2 apricots
banana

salad

I also took some psyllium/bentonite because I felt like it. Herbs to follow.
I have a colonic appt. next Monday.

Watching French Open and doing housework. Need to water plants. Wash hair.

Am going to place order for more books and saladacco...

I'm hungry, again, always. Adjustment to different way of eating, I guess. I'm not craving anything (like bread, what not) so that is good. Just hungry often.

have eaten more fruit.

Vegetable juice--carrot beet cucumber

Made a salad for tonight and tomorrow's lunch---romaine, yellow crookneck squash, cucumber, shredded beet, a few olives, a tadbit of thin red onion. Made a dressing which I don't like. I feel a bit frustrated. I can't quite put my finger on it...I feel unsatisfied, hungry. I'm trying not to pay attention to it, but I want to PIG OUT on some heavy duty non-food. I won't mention what comes to mind, a real no-no. And, as far as raw food, I don't know what I want. I feel frustrated. First problematic hurdle. I need some salad dressing, I know that much.

Maybe this eve instead of salad I will have romaine wraps with avo and cucumber and bits of squash and onion.

Need to go to the store again, I can't believe it.

Ordered some books and saladacco.

I"ll just have to be patient and strong until this sour mood about food passes.

I think I'm feeling a slight interest in eating some oranges in a little while. I'll get in bed and read. Or just close eyes and rest.

Am in a detox. This explains the really good day 2 days ago and the off day yesterdy. Last night I didn't eat a salad, just took a long nap and had a delicious papaya and an orange and went to bed. So often there's a lovely energy just before a detox.

This morning I feel like I'm made of sawdust, so weak. My legs especially have no strength, and I feel like my muscles everywhere are on sabbatical. I'm so tired, and feel so woozy, woozy, woozy. I feel like I am draining. Maybe I am. Detox. I called in sick. No way I could stand on my feet today.

Woke up very early, had some fruit and took Masha for walk. Back to bed.

Just had glass of carrot, bell pepper, celery juice with tiny chunk of beet.

So. Can hardly keep eyes open. This is a good thing, I need sleep. I am glad that my body is busy, now I'm going to get out of the way and sink into my bed.