All right -- I thought I fixed this pic!!! GRRRR!!!

Lessee...

Sundancer

Sundancer---HI! It's so nice to SEE you! Thanks! You look wonderful! I want to hug you! Is that your hubby? He looks like a nice man! And your little one is adorable! You all look so happy.

I got a really good yoga book from library by Baptisite, can't wait to get in bed and read. First a hot epsom salt bath, my back is in pain pain pain. Did not cashier today! But worked hard stocking shoes and was bending and stooping and bending all day and I am in pain, lower back.

Ate well today...lots of cherries, lots of salad.

That is my oldest son!!! Isn't that a riot?! My oldest and youngest. He's the surfer dude who lives in San Marcos. He came out to play with his "delicious" (his adjective) little sister last month, and we went camping in Maine. And yes, he is a nice man.

AWWWWW, MAN!!!

I was just almost finished typing some thing out - at my "super-fast speed", of course - and goodness knows which $#%W&^ button I pressed but I LOST IT!!!!

WWAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

***Breathe***

Okay, I'll have to do the short version cuz my fingers are tired, darn it... Elakti, I'm very proud of how far you've come and I hope you are too. All three of us seem to be going through very deep and profound changes, which is never easy, so I say again, kudos to you - and Sundancer too! Take good care of your back - glad you were able to soak - and I hope you feel much better soon...

Sundancer, I agree with your son...your little one is delicious! SO nice for you to share this photo with us; you look absolutely radiant (and a lot like someone I sorta know)!

Awww, thanks, Soraya!

I lose my "typage" really often, but I am a bad typist (even though I took typing in school), so I figured that's why. I feel better now.

I'm doing really well today, just had berries for breakfast, carrots dipped in raw garlic greens pesto, then spicy miso spirulana avo soup with sprouts, carrots and portabella (kind of my standard comfort food that really fills me up and makes me feel like I had a big, SAD meal without the bad side effects) -- yum!

I'll write more later; have a good one!

I never took typing! At my school you only did typing if you were on the track to becoming a secretary or executive assistant; if you were not, then it wasn't an option you could choose!!! That list of food sounds rather fancy, though I know it's simple and good...

I hope you two ladies are doing well! I not too long attempted to follow along a "basic" yoga program with ...Baptiste! I haven't really done power / vinyasa yoga before - haven't done much yoga for a while, now - and while I'm a lot stronger than I thought I would be, I made it halfway through before I made a graceful exit to make my first juice (huh? Which part of THAT was basic???). My decision to sharpen my exercise focus has definitely bloomed at the opportune time; I'm first going to take the next fourteen days to work on building up my strength and stamina to an acceptable level and then THEN begin my "fitness challenge" per se on August 1st (Day 50 of camp and New Moon). My fitness component will therefore last 40 days, bringing entire camp length to 90 days...I will still be working on the other areas of my life that need attention, but paying more attention to exercise...

...meant to say all that in my space ***grins*** but I've gotten so comfy here that it all just spilled out! Of course you, Elakti and Sundancer, can focus on whatever you feel guided to bring your attention towards - I'm always going to lend my support in any way I can! It's such an honor and gift to have this safe place of shared positive, supportive energy to come to day by day; I know that it has helped me to stay the course on some very challenging occasions, and I hope that it has done the same for you!

Elakti, I do hope your back is feeling better and stronger, and am eager to hear from you soon!

Have a refreshing night, all!

Soraya, I'm glad you got a juicer. Did you just now take a Baptiste class, or some time ago? I am enjoying reading his book, but the asanas look very difficult.

My back is better, but arm hurts like hell...I think from the adjustment (the "adjustments" I was trying to do, on advice of a helpful stranger, irritated my arm; also, my work is irritating my arm...all the register work, picking up heavy things to scan and then putting same objects in bag and then double bagging). And today I did this for 258 customers.

I had one of the worst days ever at work. Here I am, with intention to do a lot better at work, with such high lofty transcendental ideals...and POW, am I decked to one of the lowest points ever. Ok. A bit of cosmic humor, but I sure wasn't in the mood: What depression.

I am really so depressed. I cannot say much about it now. Need to sit with it, or sit and watch, or whatever. Just sit and meditate. I was/am full of tears.

Am eating all right. Maybe need more fruit. Eating lots of oranges, though. I think I am out of cherries. I cannot eat a banana, ugh. Smoothie ingredient only. Much salad. Too much coffee.

I am wondering if the depression is influenced in part by the adjustment and muscular re-arrangement. I do feel muscle soreness. Also, work. And I have to work 6 days in row. Only one at a time, but----

I felt frustration with myself today, from the physical discomforts...here I want to do yoga and I can barely get through my daily life without injuring myself doing cashier work!

I hate my job. The task of "making friends" with it seems as far fetched as climbing a mountain, or doing standing head to knee pose.

Everything seems above my reach and I feel overwhelmed. My mind is kicking me.

I need to surrender myself to quiet, just who I am at this moment, and meditate on Higher Being.

awwww, big hug!!!!

Maybe you could keep your eyes open for something else? I dunno. I'll write more later -- gotta feed the youngun -- funny how you always have to do things like that! ;}

Elakti, I'd done one of his classes a couple hours before my last post; I found it on Lifeskool, one of the channels on io digital cable's Free On Demand channel...lot's of cool yoga, pilates and other classes on there that I can 'take' whenever I want! Some of the asanas are very challenging, but fun to try!

I'm so sorry that you had such a trying time yesterday; it sounds like everything seemed to come at you at once and you were overwhelmed by it all...Wish I could give you a real hug; bet you could use one right about now...

When you are able, please let us know how you are doing, okay?

Much love...

I feel so terrible. Very 'sick'. I think it is my first major healing crisis. It has been since the mid of May since I began the rawfoods again...only 2 months?

I had a strong energy yesterday! Unusually good energy and good mood...I worked so hard, but effortlessly, processed more customers than ever before and I knew that I had the energy to continue past my shift! I wondered "wow, look at me go, what is happening here, I like it"....well, that was the energy gathering for the big release. Late afternoon I got an intense sore throat. I started having gas. By eve I was tired and nodes in throat were like filbert nuts and I started sweating and my heart started pounding weirdly (I was a little scared, it was a strange feeling). I went to work today and stayed til 2, but I was ready to leave earlier and they wouldn't let me (!). I was so sick. I feel flu-ish, achey, exhausted, headachey, damned sore throat, very gasey. The gas is not disturbing in any way, I hardly know it is there. No pain, no feeling of it in abdomen....it just blooops out. I think that was connected to the heart thing, maybe, gas in bloodstream. Since there is no pain I don't know where the gas is coming from...maybe from a gazillion cells.

I took epsom salt bath, which felt good. Have had a few pieces of fruit. I do have 2 days off, thank goodness. I may just stay in bed, may fast. Or just eat fruit, make veg. juice. I'll play it by ear.

I've been in bed. I read a little from the book Healing Crisis and how to tell diff 'tween disease/healing crisis. Dr. Fife talked about the high energy and feeling extra good right before a healing crisis. Bingo. Well, I've known that. I just didn't suspect it yesterday, as I haven't had any sort of detox for quite some time.

Ok. On one hand, this sucks. On the other hand, here's a new level of health to greet when it is over. I am seriously SERIOUSLY planning on quitting smoking. I feel the drain of it, and it may be very connected to this crisis.

I really REALLY want to get into YOGA and BREATHING, maybe do some Chi Quong exercizes. Man, it is time to quit smoking. Oh, Lord, can I do it?

I know you two ladies will support me and I think of that. I also need to be able to talk to someone about it, like my 'therapist'. I'll see how it goes.

I am sure veg juices would help me MAJORLY, need to DO IT. Soraya, you inspire me to do it. Juices can be potent (go easy on the beets!) . I remember once (decades ago when I had more vitality) I did a lot of juices and I literally had more energy than I knew what to do with. I know now.

I am disappointed though that I probably will be in bed my two days off...I was SO looking forward to yoga and doing stuff, after the 6 day stint at work (well, 5 and 1/2). Since the chiro adjustment I can see such an improvement in my alignment and ability to do poses.

I've had some delicious rainer cherries past few days. These cherries and oranges has comprised my main appetite...also salads.

Well, I'm breaking out in sweat again, and getting very tired and headachey again. So, will pop in and report tomorrow.

Take care. Good going you two. I'm too done in typing so much all about ME to relate much to YOU, sorry. But, I know you're doing well and it is good to hear about it.

Have you been through a major on your butt detox crisis?

Also, as ill as I feel there is still a difference from a disease crisis. The healing crisis seems more "observable" than the disease excess of toxicity get sick so you don't blow up crisis. There seems to be waves and sometimes below all the symptoms there is felt a strength which is driving it. At least, there is IF you can rest with it and not work!

Sounds like detox to me! I was 100% raw the first 2 weeks of the year, and I don't know if it was detox or not, but I felt a lot like that, then I caved and ate a vegan burrito, and though I felt "better", I think I sabotaged my rawness. I wish I would have stuck with it. This sounds a bit masochistic, but I wish I was detoxing like that -- it means you're being disciplined enough to go through it. And think how good you're going to feel when this passes!

I hope you decide to quit smoking! The first two weeks are tough, but it gets easier after that (as you know). And if you quit then slip, just don't get discouraged because at least you are smoking less. I think once you quit, your detoxes will be less severe.

Hang in there!! I hope it is just for today and tomorrow you feel better so you have one day off where you can enjoy it.

I was all raw until 10:30 last night, made some rice with stuff in it. Oh well, I'm going to try to go 100% again after we get back from the lake house (Thur.)

Take care!

Elakti Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Ok. On one hand, this sucks. On the other
> hand, here's a new level of health to greet when
> it is over. I am seriously SERIOUSLY planning on
> quitting smoking. I feel the drain of it, and it
> may be very connected to this crisis.

Just remember to set your own small, managable goals and take your time! Slow and steady...


> I really REALLY want to get into YOGA and
> BREATHING, maybe do some Chi Quong exercizes.
> Man, it is time to quit smoking. Oh, Lord, can I
> do it?
>
> I know you two ladies will support me and I think
> of that. I also need to be able to talk to
> someone about it, like my 'therapist'. I'll see
> how it goes.

YES YOU CAN,and YOU BET we will!!!

> I am sure veg juices would help me MAJORLY, need
> to DO IT. Soraya, you inspire me to do it.
> Juices can be potent (go easy on the beets!) . I
> remember once (decades ago when I had more
> vitality) I did a lot of juices and I literally
> had more energy than I knew what to do with. I
> know now.

I had to laugh (go easy with the beets!)...yesterday and today I made the most DIVINE juice ever - Carrot-Sweet Potato-Beet, and of course I threw my greens in there; yesterday was collards, today was mainly beet greens. OH. MY. WORD. Hummana-hummana-hummana....The best juice EVER...my body's still humming! Since starting to juice I'm eating SO much and losing weight - and taking daily naps! Weird! Take advantage of your juicer, young lady, and flood that body with concentrated goodness!!!

> I am disappointed though that I probably will be
> in bed my two days off...I was SO looking forward
> to yoga and doing stuff, after the 6 day stint at
> work (well, 5 and 1/2). Since the chiro
> adjustment I can see such an improvement in my
> alignment and ability to do poses.
> Take care. Good going you two. I'm too done in
> typing so much all about ME to relate much to YOU,
> sorry. But, I know you're doing well and it is
> good to hear about it.

Don't be disappointed at all - this is what your body needs now. When you have passed this, you'll find that you are stronger and more energetic than ever...I'm glad that you have the time off to rest; can you imagine if you had to work, too???

> Have you been through a major on your butt detox
> crisis?

Me, no I haven't...been high-raw since October last year, full raw since end December...but I'd been pretty strict with my diet (gluten-free, no processed foods, minimal steaming, etc) before then...

Share ALL you need to about yourself, dear...that way we can really see where you need the most support. We're here for you! Hope you feel better soon: rest and let us know how you are faring...

Sundancer, be safe and have a good time!!!

Yes, Sundancer, enjoy the time at the lakehouse. That sure has a nice ring to it.

Thanks you two for the support and care.

Was I sick yesterday, like death warmed over. So weak, sweaty, yucky, mucous deluged. Slept. Am reading a novel, just a simple book but its not too bad, and I read a few pages and konked out for anywhere from 1 hr. to 3 hours! I did go to People's yesterday, my friend drove me. I needed oranges . Also got bananas, and a few other things. Not much fruit...so expensive. I will pick up some fruit later, somewhere else (melons I'm talking about). I will eat inorganic melons.

I feel much better today. Stronger. In fact, I've been like a locomotive this morning for hours...watered well, vacuumed whole house, cleaned bathroom, washed hair. I feel clean...I've been so sweaty. And sick looking! I looked in mirror yesterday and thought, who the hell are you?!

I wondered yesterday what the heck was going on...did I have germ invasion that I couldn't ward off, was it a healing crisis, what? I felt so bad. This morning I am encouraged, as I am so much better and feel confident about energy for work tomorrow. Yesterday, it felt like a 2 week ordeal (but that's more like a disease happening)----if I'm right, this seems like it is going away already (more in line with a healing crisis). Time will tell. I do have a cough, and that usually takes time to finish.

I put a nicotine patch on last night. No cigarettes. I feel fine about it. So far so good. This is a good time to go for it.

Ate a lot of oranges this a.m. and 2 nectarines. Later had smoothie: 2 bananas, apple, 2 sticks celery, liquid zinc.

The juicer is on counter, soon will make carrot, beet, cucumber, spinach.

As soon as I dry hair, I am going to bed.

Lakes and kettlebells to you two, you know who I'm talking about!

Oh, that reminds me, (!), I also had some re-hydrated prunes and figs.

Take good care, have fun, be UP, love to you,
moi

Exhausted all day after the hours of work this morning. Been in bed reading and napping. Made juice: carrot, beet, celery, cucumber.

Just finished a bowl of strawberries and banana.

Drinking lemon water. Had cup of herb tea with lemon and honey.

Occasionally blowing nose, occasionally sneezing, coughing. Productive cough, and it is yellow, which is not good, but what else to expect from a smoker?

But, NOT a smoker today! Wish me luck for tomorrow when I am back at work. Must maintain. I feel like I am EMBRACING this being a non-smoker. I feel RELIEVED, I feel calm about it. Miracle.

Of course, being in my current state helps---and yet, in the past this state of illness and coughing would not make any difference whatsoever. I am just using this state as fodder for choosing the perfect time to quit: NOW.

Persevere!

I feel so tired, but not so ill, and I am relaxed. I meditated earlier. I reread parts of the Baptiste book (EXCELLENT), and I'm reading the novel...a few pages or chapters until I doze off. Also looked up some things in the Juice book by Walker.

I am feeling a desire for salad. Maybe later. Or more juice.

I work tomorrow at 12:30..so time to make juice before work. Will take salad to work, also fruit.

Right now I am craving oranges. Yes. Several. I've been eating/drinking a lot of them. These past 3 days of elimination I have peed so much, so much. Elimination. I am just spewing out all over the place. I hope I have the energy for work tomorrow.

I feel cooler (no more low fevers and profuse sweating). That's a breakthrough. This detox business is, as Walker said, "an arduous" task. Now my lungs will be all gung ho. The health will increase as the toxins continue to exit.

Now, oranges!

Wow Elakti -- good for you! I say go with the orange craving -- your body must need it. It'll help break up that mucus and get it out. I am so proud of you for stopping smoking!!! Hooray! I'm glad you're doing it at a time that you feel is good. I have a feeling that you'll make it this time, because you really want it, and a lot of other things seem to be well. I know when it's all falling apart is not the time to quit, but I think you're in a much better place to succeed. And don't let the detox symp0toms get you down -- just remember why it's happening and how great you're going to feel when it passes.

Will write more later; I got home not too long ago & need to do some things.

I popped in for a minute last night to check in on how you were doing, Elakti, but didn't have time to post then, so I carved out a little time to do so now...

Congrats on not smoking! And you CAN quit, because you've done so before and I think that you have more of a strong foundation and support system to build on now! And I second Sundancer - go with the orange 'flow'!

Am happy that you had the time off to rest and nurse yourself back to better health - sounds like a healing crisis to me - and that you've pressed your juicer back into service again! I am SO enjoying mine and the concentrated nutrients that are more readily available / quickly absorbable to my body now... Glad that you were also able to get a ride to do a little food shopping as well!

Isn't it wonderful to meditate? That's the second thing I'm going to focus on more too during these next coming weeks, along with exercise...

So, SO proud of you, you glorious woman you ;}

Sundancer, I hope you and your family had a great time at the lake house!

Thank you very much, you two, for the good words and support!

I have slept so much! I wondered if I'd sleep last night as I had slept so much, but I did. And I feel so "tired" and sleepy still! Body is really needing healing time! There is a deep feeling of relaxation. My temperature keeps fluctuating, I love it when I feel cool, but I am still going through periods of heat and profuse sweating...I woke up drenched. I need to wash all my bedclothes (they are sick now, who says there's no 'contagion'!? LOL).

I weigh 165. That's 35 pounds!

Little newsbulletin there. To continue with current saga, I don't have the energy to work today. Just can't do it. I would feel more guilty if I went to work, my body is on a roll here and I just want to go with it and let it be, let it rest, let it eliminate. I have a very strong cough at frequent intervals and I am actually coughing up quantities of phlegm and it isn't so often yellow today! In past when I had flu and bronchitus I would cough and cough violently and hardly produced anything, but this coughing is very productive, the lungs are actually getting rid of stuff. I attribute this to being raw for 2 months and all the cleansing and all the good real food. I read that a healing crisis occurs when ALL the organs are stronger and can perform elimination and I doubted whether my lungs would qualify because of the smoking...but, apparently, the ability is there. As I said, there has been elimination from every...portal, shall I say? The whole body seems to be in concert and all I can do is lie there and sweat it out, reach for kleenex, run to bathroom, and whatever! Right now, I am so incredibly relaxed. I feel 'tired and sleepy' (and it is a real expenditure of energy to cough like this) but it sounds better and more true to say there is this deep relaxation. As for the lungs there is no wheezing or heavy feelings like in flu or bronchitus or pnuemonia, which I've had plenty of times, but the phlegm keeps coming up. This is a healthier experience of 'being sick'. Oh, but I can hardly wait to feel better, feel more energy. I want to be well!

I may be fired. I may quit. What a familiar refrain. I think I need to decide once and for all. I can't stand that place. It is negative and I don't seem able to rise above it. I thought I should keep trying, but maybe I should just get out of it. ??? We'll see. I'll know more soon. I still have to call. Whatever will be, will be.

Finished the novel. Re-reading yoga books. They are so good. I am looking forward to doing yoga when I am well. I feel as passionate and enthusiastic about the yoga as you, Soraya, feel about kettlebells. Tried to do some, but just cannot at this time. Only Savasana!

Oh, I feel weak and drifting. Must make a phone call. Drink lemon water. I have had a few soaked prunes only. I do not feel like eating. I want orange juice though. I want to do Savasana, practice my yoga. My bed is my mat.

Soraya, your food & juice sound absolutely wonderful.

35 lbs! That's fantastic; congratulations, Elakti!!!

It can be a tough call sometimes to make that decision to flow with what your body needs; it sounds like you do need to rest a little more to really expedite this cleansing process. What ever you decide / have decided to do I know that it will be the best thing for you at this moment. Hydrate...rest. You are very courageous in your commitment to do whatever it takes to improve your health and your life, and I know that many amazing blessings will come your way. Continue to take gentle care of yourself, and I'll be checking in on you to see how you're doing...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks soraya.
It's about 5:00 now and I feel so awful. Worse. Hot and sweaty, coated tongue (and it is swollen), no appetite. I just eat or drink an orange or two once in awhile. I did make some banana milk this morning with a couple prunes and rehydrated figs. My stomach feels icky when I do put anything in it. The thought of veg juice makes me nauseous. Thought of bananas too. I think I could eat watermelon, but I don't have. I am so weak and tired. And I've gotten depressed also, by the way. I think, oh just quit the job and stay in bed for a week! This has got to pass soon, what?

I want to feel better, so much. I'm getting impatient and bummed out. And also stewing about the job. Maybe there is an undercurrent from quitting smoking, but not too consciously (big surprise). I do want watermelon. Maybe I'll get one tomorrow.

That's it, the 5:00 news. Bad news.
I know--I'll take a shower, that always makes me feel better, wash all this sweat off and feel clean for awhile. And I'll drink a glass of lemon water. Very thirsty. Water inside and outside. Refreshing.

Elakti --
Way to ride this out!!! Get a watermelon and pound the water -- it'll help flush out the crap. I'm very, very proud of you!! I am not having a good raw foods week, but I'm starting with a big smoothie today, and I may be riding the detox wave with you in the next few days/weeks, because I ate a lot of crap this week and am achy and sluggish as a result, so I NEED to get back on the wagon.

I QUIT THE SALT MINE!!!! Talked to ass't mgr and gave a synopsis of how I felt working there and that I couldn't go in again wished her well and that's that and whew! do I feel good! We'll see what happens when I look for work and how I brave THAT job, but for now......in keyboard lingo, WOOOO-HOOO!

Needless to re-iterate, but I feel much better!
Physically, too, I feel better: coughed almost all night though, coughed and coughed and spit up phlegm (colourless). The fact that it is colourless and that there was hardly any yellow except for first day verifies for me that it is indeed a healing crisis. If I had virus or whatever all this phlegm would be yellow, brown, and green as I have seen before in illness elimination. I had to try to sleep sitting upright. And, of course, body shifts more into elimination at night, so I was coughin' spittin' sweatin' cussin'.

I still need to take shower and wash all this crud away and I may go up to "town" and put in an app. at a bead store that was hiring (just missed a chance at it) a few days ago. Go to library for another "TV book"....I plan on resting for a few days! I can really let this elimination play out now! I think it is almost over...I may even fast for a few days. I had wanted (before this happened) to do a fast of several days and now that I am not working...

I wanted to have a "vacation" and swore that I would allow myself one before the job search begins and I had planned to take advantage of that time for a fast of 4-8 days (as far as I could take it, but not over 8 or 9 days which I don't see happening anyway). So, despite this elimination, I may still go on a short fast. I just don't want to throw body into too much of a good thing (ha! ) as I will have to be totally out of a detox and feeling well and energetic to look for another job. I think, personally, that if you are not actually going through a condition (like painful arthritis, or malaise, whatever) the best time to do a fast is when you are feeling well.

Have had a few oranges.

Last night I did have a salad, late-ish. Got a little appetite and felt better after I ate the salad. Simple one.

Okay. If I go to town, I might be able to carry home a half watermelon from the little grocer there. My appetite is coming back, I think. Eat today, simply. Use up what carrots cucumbers celery spinach romaine I have in the juicer...and fast tomorrow? Maybe.

We'll see what we shall see.

I'm not depressed anymore.

What do you gals think about my fasting? Pushing it? Time to rebuild instead?
I can see points for both. Anyway today, I will juice and eat lots nutrition.
I had so wanted to fast. I should've been on fast during past 3 days! As it was though, I did not eat very much and thought I was going back to work yesterday.

I may begin the fast and it might not "go", so I will intuit what to do, I'll feel if it is right or not. If too much resistance and craving for nutrition I will not have the strength to resist. If I crave cooked or junk I will fast.

I pulled a couple skirts out that I haven't worn in ages and they fit. One I have never worn, it is brand new and I just wanted to gauge how many more pounds to lose before fitting into it because it is a size 10....I zipped it up to my AMAZEMENT. Actually, zipped it to my waist....my amazed waist! You know, I only have about 15 pounds to go to my goal of 150?

And, I'll probably go below 150....and look like hell. I'm 58. Already my neck and skin is saggy and yucky looking. But, I remind myself that I am working on the INSIDES of myself and my Self.

Rather chatty today, eh?

Wow Elakti -- FREEDOM!!!! Congrats for quitting your job, and I'm so glad that it feels right, because that means that it IS RIGHT! I think you are amazing!!! Quitting smoking, quitting your job, and doing really, REALLY WELL with your rawness -- girlfriend, you RAWK!!! And 15 lbs to go == WOOO-HOOOOO (as my dog Booger would say)!!

As far as the fasting goes, I say intuition is the bast way to go -- if you feel like the time is right for fasting, go with it. Just like with quitting smoking.

Gotta go -- gotta work (lucky you -- you don't have to ;} )!

WHOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

***Fist pumps the air***

Gyrllll...Don't you ever doubt again that you can do anything...! You have totally transformed yourself and your life in these past 44 days especially; you are amazing! Really take a look at how strong and courageous you are; to second Sundancer - you SO RAWK!!!

If you feel like a short fast is what your body craves - go for it! You could also mono, or do a juice fast...just flow with what your body tells you to.

You had me rolling at the "coughin' spittin' sweatin' cussin'" comment - ohhhh! The tears are coming! :-)

Isn't it COOL when you find that you can wear things you never thought you'd get into?

Again...congratulations on all the accomplishments you've reached. You are putting so much effort and attention into yourself, and are beginnig to reap the rewards...

I wish I could give you a big ol' hug in person, but a cyber one'll have to do!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS & Lotsa Love}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for all the big hugs and all the big cheers!!!!
I sure had a good day yesterday after all those detoxy ones.

After I made my phone call, I went to town and revisited a lady who owns a Bead store, gave her my app, and something may come of this. I wanted to do this, as I have a strong feeling here, but for now I am letting go of all thoughts of work, for several days.

You know, I had been STRUGGLING with decision, tormented by lack of decision and dilemma re the work thing, whether to stay or go. At one point there was this teensey weensey bit of a shift of perspective when I knew what is. It's hard to put into words and it sounds kind of stupid. Here goes: It is as if I were Stuck thinking that I was working and Fighting Against Quitting when all of a sudden in one pinhead tiny sight I saw that I was confused because the real case is that I had ALREADY QUIT, ALREADY KNEW I HAD TO GO and I was fighting and struggling to stay in a bad situation, battling against the decision! No wonder I couldn't decide, it had already been decided and I was tormented because I wasn't following it. It is subtle, but when I saw it it was huge and clear and simple. Presto chango, all clear, I wasn't to be there any longer and I just had to tell myself !! and then call in to tell them. My friend tried to dissuade me and there was no point. I knew.

I also went to library and got a book called "The Yoga of Breath", a pranayama book, basic, simple, with lots of info. I am not really interested in pursueing pranayam but simply want to read about breath and see if there are some simple techniques that I might use as I quit smoking. Also, get more hints about breathing during yoga. There is enough info though in the Baptiste book and the Desicikar book. But, you know my mind can be a little hardheaded, sine IT WOULDN'T ACCEPT THAT I HAD ALREADY QUIT MY JOB! )))))))))) Hee hee.

Okay. Also got a QiQong book...also for simple exercises, T'ai Chi- like with breathing instruction.

Also got 3 "tv books" in case I fast and go into escape mode...to heck with pranayam and yoga and yoga sutra and meditation and self-discovery and phytonutrients and cellular cleansing , where the hell are my FBI thrillers?

All is better again. Part of me wants to use this energy and TIME to go to yoga class (but I still may be too coughy for it) and maybe hit some tennis balls (but to coughy I'm sure) do some gardening (there's some hard digging to do and transplanting)--be more active...and swimming in friend's pool, too! The other part wants to just retire and fast and read (QiQong or FBI?!). Now which part knew I had already quit my job and was just torturing me with confusion?!!!? Probably another part altogether...the crowd that is myself. Ahhh, yoga.....to unify.

Actually all that above listed activity sounds too tiring and hard on hipbones and back.

I've had small cup coffee, that's all. Eat or fast? Ha! Do I know? Yes, I do.

Thanks gals for your cheers. You know, I HAVE gone through a lot in past 2.5 months with lifestyle changes and lots of cleansing. And I've let go of 35 pounds of toxic fat, let go of toxic cigarettes, let go of my toxic job.

I don't know when I will get another chance to fast for more than 2 or 3 days...and I am thinking that a smallish but more than 3 day fast would be very helpful for quitting smoking. I'm doing remarkably well. However, there are moments and....oh, I must completely not think of the past experiences.

Everybody have a great day!

LOVELOVELOVELOVE... ;}

I'm so so happy for you...love to see you shedding and shrugging off all that is holding you back, love that you sound so happy and radiant!

I have a morning - evening tai-chi DVD that I am going to begin using as well...

I said a quick prayer yesterday that you would find appropriate work with great hour and pay QUICKLY yesterday, and I have a good feeling about it too!

Again - LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOU! I wrote about you in my gratitude journal last night - "I'm sure she has no idea what an inspiration she is, or how much she has inspired and motivated me..."

;}

Have a phenomenal day!!!

quick post--am at friend's whose computer works and we are about to go to yoga. Went yesterday --- 118 degrees. Huge salad afterwards.

this am--smoothie--2 frozen bananas, apple, prunes and their soaking water.

couple errands after yoga. Can't wait for it to be all over and done, I want to be home. I want to fast! Am I going to? I want to put sign on door, sign around my neck: Do Not Disturb.

Lady from Bead store called, official interview on Wed....maybe she foresees a position for me opening up. Hope so!

Hey Elakti --

I think if fasting and retreating to home is what is calling to you, I say do it. Our intuition is usually dead on, and I know that at times I have been really bad about not going with it, and when I don't listen to it, I usually regret it.

My fingers are crossed for your job opportunity.

I am having a better start to this week. Last week was a total wash. Thank goodness we get new ones every week. My daughter's ear ruptured last night, but she swears she isn't uncomfortable. (She doesn't really swear -- she's only three!) I took her back to the doc and he wants to put her on amoxicillin. I hate using antibiotics, but I guess sometimes you have to. Hubby wants me to, also.

I had a smoothie with kale, a pear, a peach and a kiwi and 2 dates. Now I'm eating a spirulina soup with miso, avo, sprouts I grew, cabbage, carrots and spicy pepper blend. I'll have salad at work for dinner, or maybe I'll eat before I go. I don't have to be at work until 6 tonight. Usually I have to be there at 4. I also re-upped my membership at the Y -- finally!

I'm gonna check back with you later -- have a great one!!

Elakti, I wish you all the best at your interview! Maybe there was a good reason you had that strong feeling about applying at that store after all...would'nt that be fantastic

I know you've been itching to do some yoga, so am glad to see you finally got a chance to do so. If you need to cocoon yourself, do so; I'd love the chance to do so myself!

Sundancer, your little one seems to have been having a rough time lately; I hope that this is all resolved soon! I can't stand using any medications myself, but sometimes you just can't get away from it all...

And have you had any news from your friend in California?

Yes, poor little one...that sounded painful, she is more stoic than I! I hope she is better soon.

Yes, did yoga yesterday and today. Today was a different teacher, who is an instructor for Teacher's Training. He was so good. I learned a couple things. I did not have enough stamina and I sure have much MUCH to work on, and I don't mean the physical side of it (although that too, of course!). I mean the emotional/mental. Certain negative traits I have that rise to surface on the mat...I'm not as good as the others, I'm weak and inflexible, It's too hot, I want to quit, I want to leave, I'll address this all later, etc. I did my best and watched myself go through my mental shannanigans and wept a little in my sweat.

Well, I hate to admit, but I had setback with the smoking today. Am now without cigs and have patch on, and I won't go into it too much. Woke up on wrong side of bed. Did not have a patch on all night, was in a craving state and could not get out of it, even though I put on patch. Sh*t!!! Smoked with my friend with whom I went to yoga, early class. After yoga we did errands and I picked up some more non smoking aids at Target. Okay. Let it go and get back into non smoking mode.

We went to Home Depot, she bought plants. Wants me to plant them. Go to yoga tomorrow. I don't know when I will plant plants, in next couple days. But, I want to cloister myself tomorrow and fast, be quiet, not "do" anything. I'd love to continue with the yoga, but I had so planned on fasting...and Wed. I have to go to town for the interview. AAAAAArrrrrrghhh!

I want a "Time-Out".

I'm so glad my roommate's computer is working.

Thank you so much, Soraya, for telling me what you wrote in your journal about me. Me? Wow, that was so nice, I keep rereading it!!! It is so unexpected to hear that I could inspire.

Hope all is well, hope comp. works tomorrow.
Night.