The horses were so far away from the corral and this morning I am mad that I didn't just STOP and round them up. And this morning I am going to sit for awhile. Soon. And I was reading 'til 1:00...so wide awake. But, slept 7 hours.

Orange. Papaya (another big ripe one, so good) Golden Kiwi (I like more and more)

Smoothie: 2 bananas, handful of baby spinach, stick of celery, pear. Very good, with just a hint of celery which gave it a clear clean flavor.

Will take galia melon, bananas, oranges, strawberries, avocados again today. Maybe a few leaves of romaine. I think I am going to play "Monkey See Monkey Do" and wrap banana in romaine leaf. They've been observed wrapping banana in leaves! And D. Graham suggests we try it, and it does sound good. To add a crispiness and wateriness at the same time!

Morning elimination: Great! I must say that my colon is a heck of a lot healthier. I can tell from stool that colon is less or not impacted. There is more space in the colon, it looks like a normal size now. Before colonics and rawfoods, it was in a sorry state. I won't describe that.

I feel very good.

Tomorrow day off. Have nail appt. My nails are so long they are almost in another zip code and are driving me crazy. Before that appt., I am going to see my "therapist/magician".

Oh, I also put a little liquid zinc in smoothie. I did buy some, first time. Occasionally add a bit. I think I noticed a difference when I started it, using it about 3 days in a row. Not usually into supps, but this I did, just intuition from a lead by M. Monarch. Zinc is needed for a gazillion processes. Anyway, just trying. Probably won't replace when this bottle is through which will take a long time.

I feel very well.

Elakti Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The horses were so far away from the corral and
> this morning I am mad that I didn't just STOP and
> round them up. And this morning I am going to sit
> for awhile. Soon. And I was reading 'til
> 1:00...so wide awake.

Boy do I know how that can be...that was me last night ;0

> Orange. Papaya (another big ripe one, so good)
> Golden Kiwi (I like more and more)
>
> Smoothie: 2 bananas, handful of baby spinach,
> stick of celery, pear. Very good, with just a
> hint of celery which gave it a clear clean
> flavor.
>
> Will take galia melon, bananas, oranges,
> strawberries, avocados again today. Maybe a few
> leaves of romaine. I think I am going to play
> "Monkey See Monkey Do" and wrap banana in romaine
> leaf. They've been observed wrapping banana in
> leaves! And D. Graham suggests we try it, and it
> does sound good. To add a crispiness and
> wateriness at the same time!

Your food sounds SO GOOD! What a healthy lunch to travel with; you go, girl!!! High five! Sometimes, depending on what I'm taking and if I've done any prepping to it, I'll grab my To-Go ware as well (two-tiered stainless steel container with additional little plate). Wonder what kind of reactions you get when others see your meals...

> Morning elimination: Great! I must say that my
> colon is a heck of a lot healthier. I can tell
> from stool that colon is less or not impacted.
> There is more space in the colon, it looks like a
> normal size now. Before colonics and rawfoods, it
> was in a sorry state. I won't describe that.
>
> I feel very good.

***Funky dance of joy; likes whan you feel good and are having great bathroom results***

> Tomorrow day off. Have nail appt. My nails are
> so long they are almost in another zip code and
> are driving me crazy.

***ROTFLAO!!!*** MAN I love your sense of humor!!! So original and to the point...I've got the visual!

> Before that appt., I am
> going to see my "therapist/magician".

Excellent; thrilled you're seeing him again and taking the additional time to work on YOU. I'm PROUD of my fellow campers! You are working so hard, doing so well, showing yourself much love and boosting your esteem....

I LOVE Camp! So glad we're finally placing ourselves FIRST!

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!}}}}}}}}}}}

Hey girlies!

Just quickly checking in; tomorrow's going to be busy, then we're out of internet range for a few =D

You both sound like you are doing just what you need to for yourselves, and I say HOORAY!!!

I'm doing okay, kind of a rough day; my "monthly fun" isn't very fun, I'm more sensitive than usual, and I just got news of a good friend of my older daughter dying a tragic death. Also pretty tired and feel like a slave to my big, messy house. Blah!

We're really broke, which is good because instead of being tempted to eat out on our trip, we're bringing lots of fresh veggies and herbs from the garden and fruit from the store to feast on. Yay!

That's it for now. I'll try to check in on Saturday; if not then probably not until Monday or Tuesday because I'll pull a 14 hour day on Sunday. Ciao!!!

Sundancer, have a good 4th July week-end trip. Sorry about the bad news (sounds so sad). You have nice car picnics with real food!

Soraya, hugs back atcha!

I ate fruit til lunchtime when I discovered I forgot some of it and had to do a salad. I didn't feel like fooling around with inorganic unripe fruit from the grocery so I got 1/2 salad at this little hole in wall called Roots which caters much to raw and is all organic. It was ok. Very light on dressing so it was almost nil and like eating without dressing, which I am not used to. Had beet slivers, various greens, something unidentifiable, small yellow tomatoes that were really good. I ate the rest of it at breaktime with an avo.

Home, I am eating guacamole wraps with celery too.

Very tired. I think getting to sleep at 1:00 a.m. had its negative effect even tho' I slept 7 hours. I prefer those hours before 1 a.m.! Need a good sleep tonight. Friend is going to yoga tomorrow at 10:45 a.m. and I said I may go too, but I don't know if I want to since I have 2 appts in afternoon and would not have much time to myself between. I hate full schedules and busy go here go there days. And it is an isolated day off. So, I'll see how I feel tomorrow. I do want to try to get into yoga again.

Had another super Galia melon today. I had the banana wrap today...ended up just eating alternate bites of banana and romaine, which was good.

Too tired. So glad about being off work tomorrow. Most likely will stay home throughout long morning and early afternoon. Wimbledon on tv. I don't even want to waste time watching that. I want to putter and do nothing or transplant the rest of tomato plants and, of course, eat.

The morning is getting away from me. I feel unsettled, emotionally 'achey'. I need to meditate.

Fruit smoothie: bananas, strawberries, orange juice, dates, sunflower sprouts, golden kiwi.

Galia melon.

good elimination, usual 2x's (about 40 min apart)

good sleep last night.

but feel a bit tired, and so in need of alone time. I am off today, so I have some time before afternoon appts. Thank goodness.

now, to do what I need to do. NOW

Not much time this morning. I had a banana-less smoothie (I'm out!) with large mango, strawberries, pear.

I made 2 salads to take to lunch, both a little different using romaine, iceberg (I buy organic from People's, it is much greener and tastier and fun to crunch), cilantro, sunflower sprouts, cucumber, tomato (2 kinds), raisins, olives.

I'm low on fruit, aaaaarrrrgghhhhhhh.

Two days of work and then THREE days OFF again. I'll get some more fruit. The oranges are sublime. I am down to 1/2 big paper bag of oranges and need to replenish!

Yesterday I did meditate for an hour in morning. Started work in patio and then had to run...appt. with my "therapist". We had to start a half hour later and then I was just in time for nail appt. That took much longer than anticipated as I had 2 broken nails. By time I got home I was so tired and very very hungry, as I had hardly eaten anything all day. I had the started mess in patio which I had to complete as roommate is expecting people over today for barbecue before fireworks (ugh, barbecue, I hope they are finished when I get home, pee-ewww). I ate a few oranges and made a small salad and then had to lie down and meditate lying down, I was so tired and head was so full from reading (had a Tarot reading) and I couldn't talk or think or do..just lay there relaxing in solitude. I craved solitude and no sensory input...just silence and as much of nothing as I could get...I'm sure you know what I mean, S. Do you? It was so regenerating, so rebalancing.

The tarot reading was excellent. This person is amazing. I call him my therapist, for lack of better description and just to save explanations.
Yes, deep changes occuring at this time.

Yesterday when I felt so inward, so subdued (I didn't want to do patio work, go to either appt., do anything but be still) I kept thinking I feel "empty"---but not in any negative or forlorn sense. I didn't quite know what the feeling is. This morning, waking up so refreshed and renewed, I realise to some degree that the emptiness I feel is something akin to a deep RELEASE of past issues, old emotional messes, whatever....not even sure what...but, I just know that "much" is "missing"...gone. Hence the feeling of emptiness, which is a neutral feeling, unusually, without any emotion connected, and I couldn't identify it. I really feel that this is what has happened, there has been a removal. I've worked at it, and been through a lot; also, working with this therapist has been amazing...not just a lot of delusional misconstured talking and hashing out...straight to the matter and on a higher vibrational level.

I have learned not to see him before work. The energy and changes I go through can be either v. intense or simply require solitude.

I am going to finish my blended fruit, take some oranges to work, some raisins. I will buy a few bananas at the local store. I need fruit. I want more papayas and melons and nectarines and plums. How can I afford this?

I need to sit for awhile before I leave for work.

Elimination ok this morn., but I didn't eat much yesterday. My appetite seems down. Yet, I feel the need to eat more than I am eating. I need fruit, that much I know. I notice when I eat salad, I still want fruit. Now, I like the feeling of getting full on fruit, it is such a Light Fullness!

Elakti,

Hope you're having a good day so far, and will continue to do so!


> I'm low on fruit, aaaaarrrrgghhhhhhh.

I know the feeling! Had to make a quick run yesterday to take care of that so I'd be set for the weekend, especially since there may be some sort of BBQ going on here if the weather is nice enough AND wanted to make sure I had extra special stuff on hand for Sunday - which, by the way, I may get off after all!!!

>...and I couldn't talk or think or do..just lay there
> relaxing in solitude. I craved solitude and no
> sensory input...just silence and as much of
> nothing as I could get...I'm sure you know what I
> mean, S. Do you? It was so regenerating, so
> rebalancing.

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!

>...also, working with this therapist
> has been amazing...not just a lot of delusional
> misconstured talking and hashing out...straight to
> the matter and on a higher vibrational level.

That's the kind of "therapy" that a lot of people need to get. When I was going it's amazing how much some conventional therapists try to get you to blame this or that for your issues or into a perpetual rehashing of the past in order to become healed...all the happens is that you get more stuck on the past and more entrenched in your 'destructive' patterns...

>I need fruit. I want more papayas and melons and nectarines and plums. How can >I afford this?

I know that we are in a similar situation regarding transportation and carefully planning how to spend our money, but have you found out if any of the markets you go to will give you a discount if you were to purchase produce in bulk (like a case or two of something)? I've been praying for some sort of solution to this issue as well...and I think I've found it!!!

More in my space... ;-)

Hey Elakti --
It is great that you can just BE when you need to. I feel like I don't get enough of that quiet time, and it is especially important to do after you've had some important "therapy" of whatever type, whether it is a tarot reading, a helpful book, "real" therapy, or an amazing conversation that brings much insight -- whatever gets you thinking on that introspective level, it's good that you went with it and let yourself just be. I was able to do that on my trip to New Hampshire. David's grandparents have a beautiful summer house on a lake, out on a point with its own private beach. It was lovely.

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury now because the house is a disaster and I have to work tonight. I like to clean from the weekend on Mondays so my days off aren't consumed in housework. So caio bellas!

Hello Sundancer, it is nice to hear from you. It looks like we've all been away for a few days. Your holiday spot sounds so beautiful. I'm glad you had a good stay. So, I'm back now too, and we'll have to wait for Soraya to pop up again. Hello everybody.

I had a nice 4th...worked but had a rather fun day. Ocean Beach was a poppin' and everyone in such a good mood, the energy was so up. And very busy at work since everyone pops in for beer and such, and I actually had a good day. Saw the fireworks from the cliffs. Yesterday I was off and had a lovely day. Went to my meeting-Satsang in the morning, People's afterwards, and Yoga in afternoon. I paid for 10 classes. I had a great class. One of my favorite teachers, and I was not bothered by heat, and I ---all considered, 2nd class after long abscence, did really well. I did almost all poses and sunk into each savasana gratefully. Felt so good afterwards! Today feel muscle soreness and such relaxation.

Breakfast: container of blackberries, strawberries, and a banana. Followed by 5 local plums.

I have started to clean refrigerator. Organize all my goodies which are all over the place helter skelter, burying some things which will have to go into compost. I did too large a shop a while back, and could not use everything fast enough. It is because I had a ride and I went crazy not knowing when I would get back. That doesn't work either! The green things...the fruit is eaten quickly enough.

I replenished bananas and oranges. Bought 5 large papayas, which are ripening. Blackberries (good! Gone!) strawberries, golden kiwis, mangoes. Olives. I also bought a couple cans of Amy's soups and some Naan bread (east Indian flatbread)...thought I might have on hand. I did eat a little tiny portion of Naan bread with my salad last night after yoga. I was so hungry! Made a nice big plate of salad with some homegrown tomatoes. At the Satsang, some people brought a bunch of garden goodies, including apricots and grapes! Everything so delicious. Especicially the apricots, melt in your mouth true tree ripened apricots, out of this world super.

I also want to do some gardening. What I really want to do is lie down and float. Ahhh, my muscles....that yoga is so good. Grueling, but so good.

First, clean refrigerator and organize food. Make big salad to have ready on hand. Eat salad. Yoga 4:30 again. That is pretty much my day.

I am ready for another fruit meal! Mangoes. I may eat a couple of them. Then, I think I will qualiify for a salad meal for lunch.

So good to hear from Sundancer, and am thinking about Soraya. Yooo-hooooo!

OH!! OMG, yesterday was her birthday, gotta get over there quick, I must've had strawberry seedkins lodged in my brain, oh heck.

Have eaten more fruit today, and also a salad (with..ahem..a piece of Naaan)

Have eaten oranges this afternoon....

Was going to yoga with friend, but she had chance to take a tennis lesson, so we have plans to go to 6;30 class....and I won't mind if we don't go. I was really looking forward to it, but as day goes on I am getting more and more tired and my leg muscles are getting more sore and tight by the minute. Oihhhhhh, ow ow ow! It would be best for me to go, stretch them out again in that heat...but, my energy feels so dragging, falling!! I'll go with the flow. If she calls and says "Let's go" I will do the heroic thing and go to my fate. There's always Savasanna!

I want a cappuccino something fierce. **crossed eyes**

Hey girlies!

I've been spending waaayyy too much time the last couple of days reading through both of your journals -- it's been really interesting and insightful reading about what my cyber-buddies have gone through in your raw food (and life) journeys, and I am immensely encouraged by you both, and the other girls who went their separate ways.

I've been doing pretty well the past couple of days, but the few before that were probably 50-60% raw with way too much wine (yeah, we partied a little), but it was very relaxing and that was just what I needed. This house is so awesome, and most of the family don't even go there. My hubby and I want to spend a bunch of time up there and pour a LOT of love into the place because we love it so much. His grandparents are in their early 80's and are very healthy, but it is becoming a chore for them to maintain it, so we're happy to jump in.

Work Saturday and Sunday were annoying because the restaurant is so dysfunctional (probably one of the worst I've worked), but we have a new assistant innkeeper/ manager who I finally got to work with last night, and she is awesome, though very young. It's weird having your boss be the same age as your kids. The dining room supervisor is even younger, but I don't consider her my boss because she was doing what I was doing and we both got promoted under similar circumstances: The innkeeper was totally neglecting the restaurant and we called him on it, so he promoted us but gave us no real direction, so we've both been supervising by our wits, not real organization or protocol. She's pregnant, so she'll be out of here in a couple of months, and the new girl and I will phase into her responsibilities. It's refreshing to work with someone who actually knows fine dining, not just pretends to.

I still have a wreck of a house and have no desire to do anything about it, and I have done no art lately, which starves my soul. So my goal for this week is to fall back in love with my house and do some art. I really do love my house. It is a 100+ year old big farm house on 1/3 acre (a big yard) which David has filled with gardens. We got a helluva deal on it last year as it was a fixer upper, and have spent a lot of time working on it, but have a lot to go. The dining room when we bought it was bright orange with blood red dry-brushed to make vertical stripe patterns on it. It was so cool we kept it even though it was so bright. It is our "African room" because our African art from D's grandparents work so well there, and D has a huge carved dark wood table that totally looks African. It's so cool -- I've always wanted an African room, and it was such a trip seeing it come together like it did. the rest of the house is coming together similarly. The lavender kitchen (David's choice of color -- yes, he's in touch with his feminine side, which is funny when you look at this big, bearded Jewish hippy guy I love him!!!) with cobalt blue track lighting and bright art on the walls are strangely pretty. Our little girl's room is "fun yellow" and "dancing green", and our bedroom is big enough to do yoga in. So it's a really cool house. There, that's a start in the direction of falling in love with it again. It is great to just take a minute and just readjust your perspective a bit toward something and come out of it with a much better attitude! Whoa, that was a bit of a ramble!!!

I haven't exercised in a week, but I will soon. I'm pretty spurty about exercise -- I go in and out of it, but I walk regularly and run my butt off at work, so I'm not real worried about it. I have to wait two more days till I get paid so I can re-up my membership at the Y, but I plan to do some yoga after I vacuum my room that my dog sheds on (David calls it "leaving his clothes all over the floor :}".

So, chickies, I hope you have a great day, and thanks for keepin' it real!

Peace

Sundancer

orange
smoothie of bananas and strawberries

So sore from yoga, it's hard to bend. Legs are so sore, arms are so sore, back, shoulders, fingers, you name it=sore! I did as much as I could, as well as I could. We went to the 6:30 class. My other favorite teacher. It was great. I love Bikram yoga. I would like to soak in epsom salt bath, but I don't have any.
My friend is driving me to see my mother whom I haven't seen in a long time, and perhaps I can pick up some epsom salts.

After yoga, I ate a lot of fruit and it tasted perfect. Sometime later I had a small salad which did not taste that great, not really desired. More fruit would have been better.

I DO want a cappucino, big-time. Coffee, with milk, I know it is bad, and I want it anyway. I can hardly wait. I didn't have one yesterday. Today's the day. Wow, these bad habits of mine have a stronghold!

The positive things I am doing are greater than the negative. More time will bring more positive changes, the fullness of time. Sometimes I try to rush and force it, and that always backfires.

On to my day, I am inching along this morning, groaning as I move . I will have to sacrifice certain things I wanted to do, as my day has some fullness in it --- including the yoga at 4:30---am I crazy? !!! It's so HOT and so difficult and demanding --- I just LOVE it! I was sore yesterday and tired and then after class: MARVELOUS!!! I felt so good, so jelly-fishy relaxed --- stretched out and oxygenated and circulated and massaged and it is such a clean clear state of mind, too. Sometimes. Sometimes I'm exhausted and I think I won't do it ever again and then a few minutes later I wonder when I can get back to another class. Because even after a difficult or frustrating class (unruly mind mostly) I still feel good afterwards! It is really an ingenious and inspired hatha yoga routine.

I am going to check the papayas...that would make my morning if I find a ripe one!

Wow, Sundancer, I must've missed your post, how could that happen-----I, I, I am in LOVE with your house!!!! Awesome, how cool how super it sounds! A big 'ole farmhouse with gardens and all those colourful rooms. You're lucky to have such a place!

What exactly do you do at your work? You mentioned serving before, but it sounds like you have more responsibilities than that alone. So, you work evenings?

I have been eating a bit of Naan bread with salad and I did buy some Amy's soup which I haven't had yet. Otherwise, been doing well very much raw.

In one hour I am supposed to be ready for yoga, and I don't feel ready at all, I feel so tired. I just took a soak in batherapy salts and my muscles feel a little better, but am still so sore and I think the tiredness is from the lactic acid---I am THAT SORE. I feel muscles in back, around ribcage, besides the painful leg and arm and shoulder soreness. My knuckles hurt. And soon I'll be doing it again! Good for me.

So, after visiting my mother, we did stop at Pirate's Cove for a cappucino...it was delicious, but---no effect! Too tired and dominated by lactic acid?!!!?

I came home and made a big ole smoothie I couldn't even finish..huge mango, banana, 1.5 apples, a few raisins, 3 dates, 4 sticks of celery, liquid zinc. Delicious, delicious. I love celery in the fruit smoothies. Usually only use 1 or 2, but I doubled it since I'm sure my yoga body will love its minerals. After the bath, I ate a large ripe papaya.

I would like to go to sleep for the night. Instead, I am going back to the Bikram's Indian Salt Mines.

I did manage to plant the 3 tomato plants. Replanted a petunia with lovely violet flowers in a lime green ceramic pot...the colours are beautiful together. My painting is with flowers....

If I survive another class, I'll be checking back in!

One of the cats is smoring under the sofa...ahhhhh, sounds so lulling....what a hypnotic pulling sound it is.....I am starting to breathe in sinc with this snoring.....yoga? 110 degrees? 90 minutes of asanas? ... what, what? ..........

Elakti Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The positive things I am doing are greater than
> the negative. More time will bring more positive
> changes, the fullness of time. Sometimes I try to
> rush and force it, and that always backfires.


The thought came to me as I read this; don't think of the things / behaviors you are trying to overcome as "negative" per se, but just as things that you'd like to change (?). I find that when I think of something as "bad" and "wrong" that builds up too much negative and stifling energy for me, and usually ends up making me judgemental and rigid. Whereas, if it's 'just' something you want to change, it's easier for me to make the transition with smoother energy.

I really hope that made sense... my tongue would probably have spoken more eloquently!

> I will have to sacrifice certain things I wanted to do, as my day has some
> fullness in it --- including the yoga at 4:30---am
> I crazy? !!! It's so HOT and so difficult and
> demanding --- I just LOVE it! I was sore
> yesterday and tired and then after class:
> MARVELOUS!!! I felt so good, so jelly-fishy
> relaxed --- stretched out and oxygenated and
> circulated and massaged and it is such a clean
> clear state of mind, too. Sometimes. Sometimes
> I'm exhausted and I think I won't do it ever again
> and then a few minutes later I wonder when I can
> get back to another class. Because even after a
> difficult or frustrating class (unruly mind
> mostly) I still feel good afterwards! It is
> really an ingenious and inspired hatha yoga
> routine.


Man...I LOVE that description!!! You are so awesome when it comes to weaving your words with skill and finesse WONDERFUL to hear how you and Sundancer are doing!!!

Sundancer, your work situation sounds...***crosses eyes*** complicated! Bless you! You must thank your stars that you have your sweet daughter, amazing partner and that HOUSE to come home to! And, by the way...I'm either moving in, or hiring you as my interior decorators when I physically manifest my vast wealth and have my own "little" piece of heaven!

I can be spurty about exercise too, which I why I want to focus a little more on it in the upcoming weeks. A decent portion of my work IS housework - am live-in Gal Friday, pet-sitter/therapist ;-), seeing-eye person (to an OLD dog), etc, etc - and going up and down stairs all day does wonders for those thighs and glutes!!! So I DO exercise there... but I want to make yoga a regular practice for me again, and over the weekend I've been exploring the idea - and getting info - on using kettlebells; that kind of training is SO right up my alley, I'm salivating...***wide, 'evil' grin***Buaa-haa-haa!!! Right now comparing kettlebell pricings and devining my plan of attack...

Had another awesome day today...was off and ran around a little. One thing I needed to do to feel complete in organisizing my bedroom was finding someway of storing my (it's not that big, honest) music CDs. I wanted them in there own little place that took up as little space as possible, and I found it! I never thought that something that simple could bring me so much joy...***skips around***

But I am finding so much more joy in the "little" things, and I am seriously LOVING it. And sharing this aprt of my journey with you guys to whatever degree just makes things so much sweeter to me. You are such a source of encouragement, LAUGHTER, food for thought and just pure light. I love you guys!!!

I feel so energised on a cellular level that I have to get my butt outside now and just breathe in the evening air...I'm not even gonna post in my space right now, I'll do that some other time ;-). Have a great night, ladies, and can't wait to hear from you again soon!

Smooches!!!

Hello hello

Thanks Soraya. I am glad you enjoy my various attempts at descriptions and such. So appreciate hearing from you, sounds like you are doing great and enjoying yourself. What are kettlebells?

I thank you for the shift in expression about the "things I want to change"...you are right and it is much better and healthier. Yes!

I'm just back from yoga. Well, it ended about 1 1/2 hours ago, but it takes us quite a bit of recovery time usually....we don't even leave the place for 45 min sometimes. There are couches out front that we sink into and we continue to sweat and recover. Seriously tough class. We do very well, considering we are many decades older than the average age there.

It was a struggle today in yoga. I had to lie in savasanna throughout entire sets of some poses. Just too @#$%& to pop. Dizzy. But I also did a lot and I feel good now...but, tired and glad I start work at 1:00 tomorrow. I need to eat something, make a cup of tea, and get in bed and stay there and stay there tomorrow morning. Get in another epsom bath. Drink oj and water. Eat well. Replenish. About 3/4 of way through class I got Hungry! Interesting. Needed more fuel.

So, good day. And, good night!

Hey Chickies!

Thanks for the compliments on my house -- it really is a great house. David has today off and the munchkin goes to preschool this morning, so it's house project day here today! The poor neglected thing is getting some love !

My job... I am a server at a fine dining restaurant in an old inn in Mass. It is in a very touristy, historical, very small, very quaint town. I am the head trainer, training all the servers, though I mainly serve dinners. Some of them don't like this because they have been there forever and think they know everything, or don't want to learn anything new. The innkeeper is trying to make the food and service of the restaurant more upscale, because we have upscale clientele and this aspect has been neglected over the past few years. I'm relatively new to this area, but people around town allude to the place having a history of being a crazy place to work -- when they hear where I work, they almost invariably apologize. Restaurant service in general in this area is pretty pathetic, in my opinion, being in fine dining in California for almost twenty years. I think generally the standards there are much higher. And yes, Soraya, I love coming home to my house & family! Thanks!!

Funny -- Soraya commented on the exact two things Elakti said that I was going to. I agree, Elakti, with your attitude that it is a process, that the proactive things we do with ourselves are greater than the negative, and that as the positive direction and steps we take continue, the negative ones really are lessons to learn and steps to take to better ourselves further, and I think they become easier to deal with. And Soraya, enjoying the little things is where it's at!!! This is something I forget way too often, so thanks for reminding me!

Elakti, WAY TO GO with the yoga!!! Isn't it great?! My little daughter loves it, too. She's so cute, my little Buddha, she practically dragged me into the bedroom yesterday to do some before her nap. What a little smartie -- knowing what will help her relax and settle in to her nap!

Speaking of her, she has been on a huge berry and pea kick lately, and her raw food consumption is increasing as she learns to like salads and more raw veggies. She also likes pine nuts really well. she eats cooked too, but the more raw food I can get into her, the better!

I love cats -- they're so zen. I have two. They are very yin-yang opposite. the female is outgoing, dark, short haired, green eyed, has an eating disorder (puky little fatty :} ), ornery, playful, and the male is shy, white, long haired, blue eyed, slim, sweet, serious. They have a love - hate relationship with each other.

The raw food thing is going well -- yesterday I had an ear of raw corn for breakfast, a kale smoothie with an amazing golden kale, strawberries, a peach and a pear, raw soup, and a salad from the garden.

Gotta go get the little one off to school -- busy day!!
Have a great one!!!

Hi Sundancer---nice post, thanks. I love small historic quaint towns (I lived in Nevada City in Northern Ca. and it is a historical-monument mining town with 4 seasons and a creek going through town, very small pop. and I LOVED it. Your house, your inn---sounds cool to me. I bet your influence in the restaurant could be huge. Glad your daughter has natural good tastes in food! Yeah, keep cultivating it, let her develop natural tastes at her young age, what a good thing you can present her with. What are her favorite fruits?
I always think of that thing we come across often in rawfood/natural hygiene readings---place a hungry child in a room with a table of fruit, a small rabbit, etc....the child will eat the fruit and play/cuddle with the rabbit.

Yes, I always think of cigarettes and coffee as such bad habits, because they ARE, but I am going to progress my thinking so that letting go of them is more of a natural positive progression of my lifestyle choices. I want to hit tennis balls again, and I am really into the yoga...this may also tip the scales.

I feel great this morning! Much of the muscle discomfort has evaporated and now it is just a comfortable soreness! The desire to stretch. I feel stronger and my posture automatically corrects. I do love that yoga. It is amazing. Just before I quit last time, I had gone to a Bikram seminar. It was so neat, I especially liked his talk, about 3 hours. Very entertaining and informative. I like Bikram. He has really done an incredible service.

I ate fruit when I got home last night, didn't really want a salad. I ate oranges and had another papaya.

This a.m. I've had a banana and orange; then made a smoothie with banana, strawberries and 2 dates.

I feel deeply relaxed and don't know what I am going to do now. I have a few hours before work. I am NOT going to vacuum.

I better meditate. I work for next 4 days, and then I again have Sun Mon Tues off. Ah, wonderful. I must try to do some yoga in this interim, as I cannot go to class these four days of work. Let's see what discipline I can come up with. I won't think in terms of discipline! I'll bank on my enthusiasm!

I am craving melons, any kind, all kinds.

I LOVE Nevada City! My best friend lived in Grass Valley for like 8 years, and I lived in Loma Rica (near Marysville). Nevada City is very cool!

My daughter is a berry fiend!!! We have black raspberries in our yard which are ripe, but she likes them and blueberries frozen only, so that's what we do. She also loves strawberries and just tried and devoured pluots. She also likes apples, grapes and pears, but not melons (even watermelons!).

I think you have a great mindset, and I'm sure that in time you will succeed at kicking the habits you aren't happy about. And I agree -- yoga ROCKS!

Gotta go for now, will chat later.

A mad dash in - while taking a short break at work - to spread the love! Both of you sound great and are doing so well

Elakti, you can see more about kettlebells here [www.russiankettlebells.com] This is one workout other than yoga and bodyweight/weight training that I immediately had that "that's IT!" feeling right away...

Sundancer, great to see that you and your little one are enjoying your raw foods more and more!

Don't know whether or not I'll be able to come back for a longer time today, but I should definitely be able to sometime tomorrow / over the weekend...sometimes I'm able to come in to speedread what you're up to but don't have the time to post - I practice the ancient slow and deadly Three-Finger Fire typing technique, and it's danger lies in that it takes a LONG time to take "effect" **LOL...being silly***

All the best to you taday!!!!!

I am not ready to go to work; not in the mood, ha! Still need to make a good smoothie with lots of good things in it including celery and sunflower sprouts. Make small salad for lunch, and take lots of fruit with me.

I did have a slip up yesterday which I don't even want to detail. Today is new day and I have lots of fruit, lots of good food, and the slip up is behind me. Related to work, the stress, the boredom, the frustration, the very long day.

I feel depressed, because of work and also the effect of the item I ate yesterday. I now have no appetite and don't want to do anything. I just had 3 days off and went back to work for one day and I feel like "I've had it!" and want another 3 days off.

I am looking forward to next yoga class which won't be until sunday. I could do a little at home. I do some stretching at work.

Yes, I think a healthy nutrient laden smoothie will help me out a lot, and I can eat cherries on way to work! They are very good! Also got some more golden kiwi.

Onward.

Sundancer----isn't Nevada City so charming and beautiful!!! I worked also in Grass VAlley. Such beautiful geography and weather there. So lush and so much water in form of creeks, rivers, pools, lakes, lagoons. It was my favorite place to live. I don't like the city, I like a small quiet place with lots of nature. This area I live in is lovely too, I like Ocean Beach, a funky beach town kind of stuck in 60's or 70's and I live in an upscale area of Pt. Loma which is clean and quiet, on the ocean. So this is good too.
My grandmother was born in Grass Valley IN A COVERED WAGON!!

And by the time she died there was a man on the moon! Too much technological advancement in too short a time! Morality and spirituality did not keep up.

Whatever, today is now, and I must make a good breakfast and enjoy my good food and keep my mind focused on higher things while at work. Take it easy, enjoy the people, and be relaxed and positive.

Nice shower and smoothie of 2 bananas, basket of blackberries, sunflower sprouts, stick of celery...delicious. Taking cherries, bananas, strawberries with me. I am tired from the cigarettes though. I am craving a cappucino. There is still always this bichemical see-saw. I don't see an end to it. Not yet. The thought of dealing with it sounds equal to jumping off a cliff. I just do not want to leap. sigh. More time. Meditation. More raw food. More yoga. Is there a point where I can't lift myself up any higher than the cigarettes allow? Is this a cop out of over-analysing? Do I just jump? Forget jumping? Just stop smoking? Whaa-aaat?! *#?&#^^%#$@

I think you should try cutting back to say four cigs a day, one at each of the times when you feel most like you "need" them (probably at work, from what you've said about your stressful job). Or cut back by one cigarette a day until you don't feel like they are such a crutch. Have you tried a patch? I've never tried them, but I have smoked. The first time I quit, I went cold turkey from 2 packs a day, but I was almost 17 and making big changes in my life, and this was a physical manifestation of the changes. Other than that time, I never smoked more than a half a pack a day, and when I quit, I gradually phased out of it. The last time, I got pregnant and cigarettes immediately became disgusting. At any rate, it sounds like you are becoming fed up with the habit, so maybe it is a good time to try to quit. Once you get through the first two weeks, you'll feel the positive benefits of not smoking (being able to breathe easier, more energy, more money, able to smell more, sense of taste stronger, feel cleaner, etc.), and the withdrawal pangs will probably be mostly gone. It's tough, but so worth it!!! I love your honesty, Elakti! Good luck, sweetie, and have a great day!

I appreciate your input, Sundancer. It is rather a complex thing for me, this subject! I will go into it further, later.

I stayed raw except for some croutons on the salad. Had papaya, plums, cherries, banana this morning and at breaktime. Ate the salad in two installments. Later, will eat more fruit.

Tired. Didn't sleep well.

No time right now to write more.

Elakti, sorry to see that you were feeling so frustrated; you have so much that you are trying to cope with right now...I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the very best. Hope that you are able to get some good rest tonight...take good, gentle care of yourself...

Will post at length tomorrow. Just got back from yoga class. I almost didn't go because I was not feeling that well, had very low energy, and I hated the class all through. Now, I feel so much better! Will go back tomorrow! Have another 3 days off in row.

There were figs at yoga and I ate 3 of them after class. They were so good, Soraya! Of course, I thought about you and your passionate figginess!!

I got lots of plums and peaches from friends'....local, organic, tree ripened...such a treat.

Had a papaya too this morn. Also had a spinach salad with 1/2 avo and olives and heirloom tomatoes that were out of the world delicious. So I've had special treats today.

Need quiet. Went to spiritual meeting this morn., and it was fantastic.

Am recollecting myself. Am re-prioritizing, am facing myself vis-a-vis my work situation and my rebellious ego.

I need to meditate. Eat lots of fruit. Sleep well. Do yoga. Simplify. De-tangle my mind.

You go, Elakti -- self care, baby; that's where it's at!!!

Don't you just LOVE heirloom tomatoes??? We grew 26 varieties in CA when we were farming there! They're just starting to ripen now here in MA. I'm stoked!! Raw pesto tossed in and life is perfect!!!

I made a long post earlier which I could not post -- I think there is something wrong with the computer at home (I'm at my friend's).

I am so full, have been eating a lot today.

Yup, it is the computer at home. I don't kmow if I feel like posting again! I wrote so much earlier. Darn.

I'll re-cap a little only. I'm fine. Been eating a lot...a lot of oranges, cherries, also salad wraps sometimes in a corn tortilla.

It's been wonderful having 3 days off and I have been very busy. Have done yoga classes, played tennis, and lots of housework today. I hit tennis balls yesterday for the first time in a long long time. I am a little sore, but not too bad probably because of the yoga. It was fun, and I hit pretty well. I had such a passion for tennis.

I weigh 169! I lost 2 pounds yesterday, since I also did a yoga class yesterday afternoon and sweat, omg, did I sweat. I came home and ate about 7 oranges, some celery, and a huge amt of cherries.

I'm going through a lot of changes from the yoga. I wrote all about it earlier and will address it again later. I just don't feel like typing it all out again.

Also, going through some re-orientation concerning my work. I feel I need to adjust, accept, and adapt. I feel that even if I could do something else that would be more lucrative (or not) and more meaningful, more service oriented...I am not ready for it until I can accept this job more gracefully. I need to concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives. I need to get over the ego problems I am having, the conflicting aspects of thinking I am too good for this job and yet the feelings of being diminished by it. .... why should I feel diminished by it? There is a huge amt of self-study and growth to be found in this environment. I need to be more accepting of this position I am in, adapt more like others around me, take it more lightly. Be positive. Physically, address the difficulty of standing in one place with better posture and approach it with yoga in mind, stretch, etc.

I'm not really in the mood to write, so I'll come back to it another time. Also, the yoga, I wrote earlier about yoga and the challenges it is presenting. I wrote about the yoga tears...the crying that is not an unusual thing...some kind of release...I've cried in savasanna the last 2 classes. In that heat, doing those challenging (to me) poses, the mind comes up with some weaknesses and character flaws and certain feelings surface ...the tears flow. I remember when I did this yoga before, months ago, I had these yoga tears. Once I went into the bathroom and someone else was in there just sobbing her eyes out, she didn't know why. I guess it's some kind of energy release, emotional detox. Then, I came across an article about it in a magazine. Interesting.

I've been eating well, lots of fruit. Some salad. And some corn tortillas, with salad. Right now, I am so full. It is an unusual feeling, I haven't felt this stuffed for a long time. It is uncomfortable. I had salad with two corn tortillas, and before that I had lots of cherries and watermelon. Too much. I think I better chill.

I 've got to get back home, I've got to lie down, or meditate a little. I feel a little too "noisy"...been watching some tv this afternoon (unusual) after several hours of housework and chores (I washed and dried and brushed my dog, which is not well-liked by her!)

Hello to you both; I'll hope my roommate's computer gets better and I can post again soon when I feel more communicative.

Wow, I sure am not liking this full feeling, these tortillas. Ugh!

Morning and I am drinking a smoothie with 2 bananas, a few soaked prunes, two plums, and a stick of celery. Very lovely flavor.

I hope the computer will post, I think my roommate probably 'fixed' the problem.

I felt good this morning, but now an energy fall because of smoking. I had "determined" (alas, this often loses force) that I would quit again after this carton. I notice this morn. that I only have 3 or 4 packages left. Mmmmm. Oh, woe is me. This damned habit. !!!!! Am I ready to go crazy again? Maybe I won't go AS crazy? Let me say, though, it will have to be done without going back to ice cream and candy bars...I cannot go through that.

I weigh 168, another pound gone. 32 pounds. Actually the scale looked like 167, but I don't think that can be. Although, maybe...I was very active yesterday and ate mostly fruit (except for my tortilla wraps...did I have gas! Hadn't had that for a long time. It was so good to get a few hours away from that meal!) and I also broke quite a sweat a few times. I know it is hard to believe, but I've done this before---lose over a pound practically overnight. I stabilise and then slough off weight in big chunks . I also broke out in a big 'ole pimple (long time no see!) and have been sweating a lot and very stinkily.

As for work, back there today at 1:00. I am going to concentrate on graceful submission, focus on the positive, focus on each individual I ring up, and work on an inner balance. Smile, be happy. Go lightly.

Tall order.

Will take cherries, bananas, kiwi, avocado, salad to work.

I finished reading a yoga book by Desichikar, which includes the Yoga Sutra by Patanjali, which I've heard referenced so many times, with commentary by D. It was very very interesting to me. I am going to read it again, the whole book. It is helpful to re-orient my attitude and enthusiasm and reaffirmed my faith in yoga, and reinstated the difficult duo of non-judgemental effort and patience.

I've been going through another "adjustment" period and I see the value, it has been kind of "wrapping up", coming together past few days and I see better what is happening, sort of. The problems I'm having with yoga parallel the problems with work experience....same mind, same reactions, same challenges, same solutions. Another strong push for self-discovery and balancing. For focus and clear discrimination.

I want to get another book on yoga, which I've read before. It is beautiful. Not about the asanas, per se, but about the personal yoga practice and the transformations in one's ideas and experiences of self and life.

Ah, wish me luck today. My debut on a new stage with a new script. What kind of actor am I? I'm a good one, but how well do I take direction?!

Man, Elakti, I am so proud of your dedication to yoga these days -- it is such a great practice for our bodies, minds and spirits. I've been trying to focus on the positive at work and letting the negative go as well. It is a bit tricky, but last Monday went really well because of it. I need to just reorganize my schedule to accommodate yoga, art, spirituality, and personal growth, and organizing my house, because right now, those are the issues I am most struggling with. Gotta go; the little one is on the loose and wants to go walk. Ciao!

Sundancer